


I Just Wanna Get Back to Us

by louiesunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bad at Communication, Bottom Louis, Doctor Harry, Getting Back Together, Illustrator Louis, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Divorce, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, This whole thing could have been avoided if they just talked, Top Harry, exes to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:50:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 62,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louiesunshine/pseuds/louiesunshine
Summary: “Harry! Hey bro, it’s Zayn.”He’s confused. Zayn is normally not a morning person, often mad at the universe until eleven or so. It’s definitely odd, why is he so cheery? “Why are you in a good mood, it’s eight in the morning, Z.”Only a laugh is heard through the phone. “I’ve had two Redbulls.”That explains it. “What can I do for you? I’m trying to get some sleep before I head over to the studio and to my ultimate death.”“Harry, I swear to God, you are the most dramatic person I know. It’s going to be alright, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Lou.”Just Lou? This is not just Lou. This is Louis fucking Tomlinson-Styles - err, just Tomlinson now - his soulmate and ex-husband. The only person that Harry is meant to be with for the rest of his life. The person he’s supposed to have children with and live an amazing life with. They’re supposed to grow old and grey together. This universe paired them together for a life long journey.“This isn’t just Lou, Zayn and you know that.”Or, where Harry and Louis are divorced soulmates who are seeing each other for the first time in two years.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been five months or so in the making. What was once supposed to be just a short one-shot became alllllllllllll this. But to be honest, this turned out so much better because of it. 
> 
> I dedicate this fic to Emily, who gave me all these crazy ideas and edited everything for me despite going through a lot. This fic is better because of her. So thanks, bitch. I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!

_Harry_

**February 6 th, 2018. **

Being soulmates with someone is something that cannot be described with words. Their love and bond are meant to be permanent and never broken. 

Well, most of the time.

When Harry and Louis discovered they were soulmates, all was right with the world. They built a life together where they looked forward to their future; full of excitement, happiness, and most importantly, love.

However, sometimes life gets in the way and distracts said bond from growing. There’s nothing anyone can do but let it go and hope for the best. They could only hope they’d be able to live their life without their other half. Occasionally, they may be  able to find themselves together again eventually.

Harry and Louis have been divorced now for two years. They haven’t seen each other since it was made official. There were many factors that pushed them towards divorce that were perhaps obvious. Harry still felt blindsided at the time; however as he looks back now he should have seen it coming.

So, when Zayn called Harry one morning to ask if he was willing to participate in a video for _Buzzfeed_ , he said yes. When he found out that video entailed seeing Louis for the first time in two years, he didn’t know what to think.

Harry’s just returned from a six-month volunteer Healthcare program in Costa Rica and he had worked with local doctors to help the disabled and ill children. It had been a last-minute decision to join the program, it hadn’t even settled with him before he hopped on the plane and endured the almost six-hour flight to the Central American country.

Harry didn’t even have time to relax and adjust being back home in Los Angeles, before Zayn had asked to be up and in front of a camera. His childhood friend has been working for years at _Buzzfeed_ right out of college and since the company started. Although older than most who work for the company, he still fits in with the young adults. Now, he’s mostly involved with their YouTube channel. He helps with the several videos uploaded to their almost _eighteen million_ subscribers. It is absolutely insane to think about.

Before his six-month trip, Harry sometimes found himself in some of the videos, participating in the several challenges that they’ve come up with.

This time is different however because it’s going to involve Louis. And since Harry has no self-control, he quickly sends out a text to Zayn that’s he’s willing to do it. He doesn’t even think about the repercussions of his rash decision because this means he’s going to _see_ Louis.

It’s been two dreadful years of feeling alone. When he gets up in the morning, he is alone. From the time he gets home from work till the time he leaves, he is alone. It’s been two years without someone to come home to, someone to banter with or make snide remarks at the trash reality shows they watched. It’s been two years of not seeing or holding Louis, his _soulmate._

Harry isn’t allowed to complain though. There is no one to blame for this pain and heartbreak but himself.

So, when he walks into the _Buzzfeed_ studios this Saturday and finally gets to see the loveliness that is his ex-husband and soulmate, he can’t breakdown.

Yeah, it’s easier said than done.

 **

Filming for the _Buzzfeed_ video is a mere day away from happening and Harry is _not_ panicking in the middle of a random bar.

He omitted from inviting anyone because he simply wants to be alone in preparation for the day ahead. Alcohol seems to be the perfect means. It appears the bartender notices Harry’s gloomy state when she heads over to his side and hands him another whiskey sour.

“I didn’t ask for another one,” he tells her with a confused expression. At least, he doesn’t think he asked for another drink. There’s no telling after a few glasses under an hour.

The woman with the short black hair and the sharp dark eyes just grins in return. “No, you didn’t, but it sure seems like you needed another one. Everything alright?”

Harry can only shrug, everything is not alright and after tomorrow he could only see it being worse. “No, not really.”

“I’m Dua.”

“Harry.” He shakes her hand, going in to take a large sip of the new drink. Might as well enjoy it.

He’s only been here for about forty-five minutes or so. Top mainstream songs blare loudly as the bar patrons dance and talk amongst themselves. He’s stuck in his own thoughts so much that he doesn’t notice Dua, the bartender, leaning forward a bit. She’s directing her attention to him with a smirk on her lips.

“Did you say something?” Harry asks.

“I did.”

Harry apologizes. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Clearly.” The smirk still prominent on her lips. “I asked what brought you here tonight all alone.”

With another big gulp, he winces due to the strong liquor. “God, that’s a long fucking story.”

“I’m all ears, cupcake.”

Redness surfaces on Harry’s cheeks from the term of endearment. He feels awkward in this situation, as he hasn’t flirted with anyone since Louis and that felt like it was ions ago. He doesn’t have the desire to, he only wants to flirt and be cheeky with Louis. However, at the same time, there’s a beautiful woman in front of him.

“Stop thinking so much.”

Harry only wishes he could turn off his brain, things would be so much easier for him. “So, cupcake?”

“Honey don’t think much of it. I’m a natural flirt but I’m afraid I bat for the other team.”

“Oh thank God,” Harry breathes out in utter relief. There is a much more relaxed feeling coursing through him because of this new piece of information.

Dua now hands him water, which he appreciates and thanks her. She tends another customer momentarily before returning to Harry. “Now, tell me what’s wrong because it’s clear as crystal.”

His family has voiced their thoughts on Harry perhaps going to see a therapist to help and guide him after the divorce. They suggested it would be a good idea to let out everything he’s feeling to start out fresh with the motivation to move on with his life.

However, there’s the saying that bartenders make good therapists though. Since they are used to drunks pouring out all of their problems. Harry gets where the drunks are coming from, the bartenders are just lending an ear. Dua is outside Harry’s circle, which is a different, separate perspective.

“I’m seeing my ex-husband tomorrow for the first time in a while,” he begins, letting the known fact sink it as if it hasn’t already for the past few days.

“How long have you two being separated?”

“Two years.”

“Soulmates?”

“Yeah.”

“Well fuck me. I now understand why you look like shit, cupcake.”

Harry barks out a laugh and proceeds to tell her the complete story of the events occurring the next day. He explains about Zayn asking Harry to participate in the video because he just wants to be a good friend. Harry also wants to see Louis, but if you’d ask him he’d deny it.

Harry expresses his concerns of seeing Louis for the first time. He is also anxious about the aftermath that is certainly going to go down. 

“I still love him.”

“I’d assume so if this is how you’re reacting to it.” The room quiets down a bit with the next song not being as upbeat as the recent ones played. The bar is also emptying out, which makes Harry realizes it’s getting late and it’s time to go home.

He didn’t feel like leaving just yet though, he’s actually enjoying letting out his concerns to the stranger. He could never voice his concerns to his friends and family. They would just push their opinions on his situation and point out his mistakes. As if he didn’t already know.

“The divorce wasn’t supposed to happen,” Harry whispers, looking down into the glass of water. “We were supposed to have children by now and be so fucking happy. And I’m afraid that when I see him, I’ll have a meltdown in front of him. I’m just so terrified that…”

Dua takes his hand gently to comfort him. “Terrified of what?”

“That he’s happy. Happy without me, because I’m not happy without him.”


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Buzzfeed portion and the entire fic is inspired by a real video posted on Youtube where divorced couples look at their wedding photos. 
> 
> Here's the link to it :)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxMbkLci7qM&t=21s

**February 10 th, 2018. **

Harry wakes up Saturday morning to the sound of his phone blaring his ringtone. There’s a puddle of drool collecting on his pillow, next to his stupid phone. Blindly, he sticks his hand in the puddle trying to grab his phone.

“Gross,” he mutters, finally getting ahold of the device. It stops ringing momentarily, so Harry shoves it under his pillow to avoid getting drool on it. However, not even a minute later, the phone is ringing once again. Harry groans loudly in irritation, answering it without looking to see who was to blame of waking him up so early.

“‘lo?”

“Harry! Hey bro, it’s Zayn.”

He’s confused. Zayn is normally not a morning person, often mad at the universe until eleven or so. It’s definitely odd, why is he so cheery? “Why are you in a good mood, it’s eight in the morning, Z.”

Only a laugh is heard through the phone. “I’ve had two Redbulls.”

That explains it. “What can I do for you? I’m trying to get some sleep before I head over to the studio and to my ultimate death.”

“Harry, I swear to God, you are the most dramatic person I know. It’s going to be alright, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Lou.”

 _Just Lou?_ This is not _just_ Lou. This is Louis fucking Tomlinson-Styles - err, _just_ Tomlinson now - his soulmate and ex-husband. The only person that Harry is meant to be with for the rest of his life. The person he’s supposed to have children with and live an amazing life with. They’re supposed to grow old and grey together. This universe paired them together for a life long journey. “This isn’t just Lou, Zayn and you know that.”

Zayn sighs, knowing full well just how difficult this is going to be on the couple. “Yeah, H, I know. But maybe this is the push you need.”

“Push for what?”

“I don’t know, maybe closure? Hell, maybe you’ll both finally come to your senses and get back toget-”

“Stop talking,” Harry says sternly, having heard enough of what Zayn was saying. It’s all he’s heard since they announced their separation. He’s heard it from Zayn and Liam thousands of times. His mother and Gemma have bugged him about it countless times. And most importantly, he’s heard it enough from his own conscience because he knows _._

He knows he fucked up.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Harry asks, “Why did you call me Zayn?”

“Sorry, um,” Zayn starts, giving away some hesitance. “Listen, I need you to bring something to the studio. It’s for the video.”

“Sure, what is it?”

Harry expects perhaps donuts for the crew, or beer to get them through the several hours of filming. Zayn throws a curveball he was not expecting.

“I need you to bring your wedding album and videos.”

He definitely regrets his decision to be in the video. 

The photo album and USB drive with the videos are not in a random box sitting in storage collecting dust. They are in his closet, on the top shelf hidden by clothes that belong to Louis. He hasn’t touched any of it in years. Harry knows exactly where it’s at because he stares at it every day, tempted to grab it and go through it; page by page.

This photo album and these videos are the evidence of the happiest day in Harry’s life so far. The day when he and Louis became one in front of their friends and family. It’s not considered traditional to get married once you find your soulmate. The bonding is more significant than the marriage and wedding ceremony. Even though they both knew that they still wanted to have a ceremony. It was a celebration with their friends and family to mark a new chapter in their lives.

The possibility of having to go through those memories doesn’t sit well with Harry. He doesn’t have a good feeling about this situation at all anymore – not that he had any in the first place, but that’s neither here nor there. “Zayn, what the fuck are you making us do?”

“Listen, I know this doesn’t sound ideal,” Zayn starts. Before Harry can get a word in to defend himself, he continues, “You aren’t the only couple that is going through this. We don’t expect this to be lighthearted and easy. Some couples end their marriage in good terms and others don’t, but we just really want to show people the differences between each couple. And perhaps, you guys can be positively affected as well.”

“In what way, huh? How in the world is looking through our wedding album and watching our videos supposed to affect us positively? How does looking back through pictures and videos of the happiest day of our relationship meant to do us good? I’m setting myself up for more heartbreak, Zayn.”

Harry’s throat and eyes burn, and his head is pounding from trying not to cry. Harry hasn’t even stepped into the studio nor been in the same space as Louis and he’s already a mess. This is causing him pain just thinking about it. He’s to a point where he’s beginning to wonder if this is even worth it at all. “Do you know how painful this is for me?”

Neither Harry or Zayn speak for a few minutes, allowing Harry to calm himself down. By now, his brain is no longer fogged with sleep. He’s sitting upright surrounding by the extra pillows that used to be occupied by someone else. Harry doesn’t have the heart to remove the extra three pillows when he only uses two himself.

“Of course I know, fuck. I’m sorry, H, you don’t have to do this. You can say no, and I’ll call Louis up and tell him you forgot you had other plans or something,” Zayn bargains with him.

“Let me fully wake up and I’ll let you know.”

Later on, Harry reaches up for the Pacific blue hardcover book, hugging it close to his heart. There are still a few hours until he’s supposed to be in the studio, and he has yet to decide if he’s going through with it or not. He knows Zayn is waiting for his text, but he’ll make the man suffer for a little longer.

After distracting himself with a shower and breakfast he didn’t want, he retrieved the album. Harry takes a seat on his sofa, feeling the texture of the photo album. He hasn’t cracked it open yet to look at the photos. He wants his reactions to be genuine for the video. 

He knows the pictures inside, but it’s been so long he doesn’t remember all the details on the top of his head. Of course, he remembers the day of their wedding. He’d earn the nickname Crybaby from the amount of tears he spilled throughout the day.

Louis wasn’t that far off in the emotional either, so he never teased Harry about it.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be so hard if he wasn’t still in love with Louis. It’d obviously be easier if he didn’t have the same feelings for Louis that he did on their wedding day. So when flipping through the pictures, he wouldn’t emotionally feel attached to them.

Harry keeps asking himself how he got here. How in the world did he get to this point in his life where he’s miserable and so lonely? He feels kind of pathetic. The world around him has continued to move on, while he’s here stuck in this limbo. He has to accept the divorce and live without Louis even if it’s the last thing he wants to do.

His head and his heart are telling him two separate things and it’s making Harry lose his mind. Costa Rica was a great distraction to avoid facing this huge problem in his life many miles away. However, now that he’s back in Los Angeles, he has no choice but face this head on.

First and foremost, Harry needs to know if Louis is happy. He won’t be able to handle himself if he were to see Louis and see him upset.

He can’t be worse off than Harry, that’s for damn sure. 

**

**January 18 th, 2005.**

He knew what he was getting himself into when he decided to get into the medical field. Harry knew how exhausting everything would be mentally and physically. Not only is it demanding physically, where he spends days at a time at the hospital on his feet. There’s the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes with each patient and their case.

His second year into medical school is becoming a tough one with more and more information he has to memorize. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s slept in his own bed. The hospital’s cafeteria food started to get old days ago because he hasn’t had the time or kitchen to be able to cook something for himself.

He’s taken a job at a hospital that gives him more experience in this environment as Harry gets closer to his residency. He’s drained but this is what he has to endure in order to be the cardiologist he’s always wanted to be.

His half-hour lunch is spent resting in the on-call room before he goes back to work. He decided before he goes back to pay the patients a visit. He heads to the elevator to take him to the children’s ward of the hospital.

Sometimes when he feels overwhelmed with the cases he’s involved in or just needs a little break, he’ll visit the children in the hospital. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to know these children are experiencing something so serious and unfair, they shine from their hospital beds when Harry or anyone for that matter enters the room.

Luckily for him, it seems like the hospital has come up with an activity session where some of the children get to interact with one another and do different activities.

“Haz, what’s going on?” Liam, another med student greets him with a nudge. They both look on to the children drawing with each other.

“I just wanted to take a quick break in your neck of the woods, I promised Charlie to see her one more time before she leaves tonight.” Charlie is a beautiful five-year-old girl, who’s battling childhood lymphoma for the past year. Harry will never admit that she is his favorite, but he does visit her almost every day with a lollipop to make her smile brighter.

Liam claps his back. “That’s right! She’s being discharged, good for her. She’s been here too long.”

All the children have been here too long, they shouldn’t have been here at all.

“Yeah, she has. I brought her a little something to remember me by,” Harry says, gesturing to the stuffed frog tucked under his arm. Liam only shakes his head, chuckling as he walks away when a nurse calls for him.

“You’re funny, Harry. I’ll see you later.”

When Harry’s left alone he passes by Charlie’s room only to find she is not there. That only meant one thing and she’s out there drawing with the other children. So he goes back to the front of the ward where the activity is held.

The closer Harry gets in the playroom the more his heartbeat is increasing and he’s not sure as to why. He feels a faint burning sensation on his left forearm, but he ignores it when he sees Charlie.

“Hi Mr. Harry!” the brown-eyed beauty waves from her table when she spots him. She isn’t alone, however, next to her is a young man helping with her drawing. His back is to Harry, but when the mystery man turns around it hits him. Harry figures out why he had the sudden change in heartbeat and burning sensation.

They lock eyes and immediately hiss in pain as they both grip their left arms. The rest of the room stands quiet and watches on with worry while the two men attempt to get through the extreme stinging they’re experiencing.

In what seems like several hours but only minutes later, the pain stops for both Harry and the mystery man who is still sitting next to a frightened Charlie. Instantly Harry has a suspicion as to what is going on, and when he looks down at his forearm and sees the fresh and beautiful, dark rose tattoo added to his skin, he knows his suspicion is right.

This mystery man, with the soft blue eyes and even softer brown hair with a new marking of a dark dagger at the same spot as Harry’s own marking, is his soulmate.

Everyone around the two cheers.

 _“Harry”_ Harry mouths to the man with his hand to his chest, introducing himself around the commotion.

 _“Louis.”_ The man mouths back with a beautiful smile.

**

**February 10 th, 2018.**

Harry’s sat in his car, outside the _Buzzfeed_ studio, and suddenly feels ready to vomit. Dramatic, yes, but his stomach has been turning since the moment he drove out of his apartment complex.

There’s a desire to call his sister and see what her advice would be, but Harry has a feeling she’ll refrain herself from giving her opinion and just let him decide on his own.

Louis’ possibly inside already. He’s inside the building, most likely smiling and laughing with other people, making them love him just as much as Harry does. He’s probably happy that he no longer has to be miserable in a marriage where his partner is never home.

Harry considers what Zayn said in their phone call earlier. This segment could be closure for the couple. This is their chance of getting to look through their past, reminisce about the day, and close this chapter.

With one look down at the rose on his arm, Harry grabs the photo album and gets out the car.

In no time Harry’s directed to the room where the video will be taped. His lips are burning with the constant biting and licking with nerves. He assumes there’s a handprint on the photo album, that’s how much he’s sweating.

He walks into the room and immediately darts his eyes around in search for Louis. He spots Zayn across the room, near the corner as he takes a bite of a sugary donut talking privately with someone and Harry can assume who it is. When Zayn takes a step to the side, the person is revealed. Just like that one Wednesday morning years ago in the children’s ward of the hospital, Harry’s heart stops as he freezes. 

The first thing Harry points out to himself is that in just two years, Louis still looks amazing, if not better than before. There’s a particular glow Harry hasn’t seen in years that can only mean that he is happy. Happy and relaxed.

Harry regrets not taking a couple of shots of _something,_ really to calm his nerves down, but he knows nothing could have prepared him for this. 

For the time being, Louis hasn’t noticed Harry across the studio and for that he is grateful. Since he’s been in the building several times, Harry has a good sense of the area and decides to gather his thoughts in one of the empty rooms.

He dodges people in a panic, needing to be alone again because apparently, he didn’t give himself enough time in his car. Harry holds on tightly to the photo album when he finally finds an empty room, closes and locks the door before sliding to the floor. 

With his knees up to his chest and photo album on top, Harry lays his head on the flat surface of the book, taking in deep breaths.

He misses Louis. 

It hurts Harry’s heart to be in the same room as Louis and knowing he can’t even hug him. Harry is desperate for something as simple as their arms brushing against each other. He craves to have their skin touching in between soft sheets on their bed. He misses his lips and how a kiss can convey all of his emotions to Louis; all the love he feels for the man. The love that has never left.

With all this in mind, Harry can only tell himself that he’s the reason why he misses Louis. He wouldn’t have to miss Louis if he didn’t fuck their marriage up. He could’ve managed his time better and been home when he told Louis. Instead, he constantly called to tell him he’d be later than expected. 

It’s the price to pay when being a cardiologist, so much time is being spent in the hospital and away from home. He’d wanted to be one since he was a kid and had to see his grandfather have a serious heart condition in his later years. Harry promised himself he’d be a doctor who helped fix people’s hearts because it affects a lot of families. Harry tried his best to help as many as he could. 

He put his patients before himself and before his marriage, which came to be the worst decision of Harry’s life. It lurked at the edge of his thoughts. How he had made himself too busy for Louis.

Now he’s here, on the floor of an empty room at the _Buzzfeed_ studios as he hides away from his ex-husband with their wedding album clutched against his chest.

Before he lets himself lose control of his emotions, he stands up and goes to the restroom to freshen up. After he splashes water on his face, fixes his growing curls, he gives himself a once over. He opted for what he believes is a causal look; the tightest black jeans he owns, along with a plain white t-shirt with a blue bandana tied around his neck.

“You can do this,” Harry tells his reflection. “Get this shit over with and then you can go home and drink the wine bottle that’s calling your name.”

He can’t help but think about the times where he and Louis would lay on the floor of their living room, a bottle of wine to themselves as they talked about anything and everything they thought of.

“And let’s add the tequila as well." 

With another splash of water to cool himself down, he takes the photo album and heads back to the studio. Harry wonders if they’re questioning his whereabouts. No doubt Zayn is going out of his mind because they were meant to start half an hour ago. 

He enters the room once again and Zayn is immediately on top of him, grabbing his arm and pulling him in further along. “Harry, we’re late because of you, I thought you were going to bail, you asshole.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry mumbles, refraining himself from looking up and possibly catching Louis’ attention.

“No, you’re not.”

Zayn’s right, he’s not.

And here it goes, Harry supposes. Not only is he currently in the same room as Louis, but he’s also as close as he’s ever been to him in the last two years. Zayn stops them and gives Harry a soft and concerning look. “I know this is hard for you.” 

Harry bites his lip to stop it from quivering. “It is.” 

“If you still want to do this, we’re just going to call action and you’ll walk to the chair to the left and take a seat. Alright?” He nods and reaches in his pocket for the USB drive and hands it to Zayn. He tells Harry to stay where he is and the crew around him moves around to get everything set. 

For the umpteenth time, Harry questions his decision of being here. It seems to be too late when Zayn tells the room to quiet down since they are ready to start filming. Up until now, no words have been exchanged between Harry and Louis; the first will be in front of a camera. This might be the worst decision. 

Harry doesn’t even know what exactly they’ll be doing. Of course, he has an idea, with the photo album and wedding videos and if his assumption is right, he’s going to be a mess.

“Alright everyone, let’s go. Gentlemen are you ready?” Zayn asks Harry and Louis. Harry, who’s still looking down murmurs a _yes,_ while Louis is louder with his answer. Action is called out and Harry proceeds to do what Zayn directed him to do and sits on the chair to the left. 

He sucks in a deep breath and looks up from his lap to face Louis. 

Harry’s taken away by Louis’ beauty, his eyes standing out easily with the light grey sweatshirt on his small torso. He looks comfortable and ready to have a cuddle, that Harry is desperate to give him. 

However, he notices a change in how Louis is presented in front of him. When Harry arrived earlier Louis looked happy, with a glow like any other. He talked to Zayn animatedly, like he did whenever he was excited about something. Now, Louis is a bit paler, his hands are grasping the hem of sweatshirt tightly. When he goes to fix his hair, Harry knows he’s nervous and trying to hide it. 

At least Harry’s not the only one.

“Alright! Welcome guys and thank you for agreeing to take on this week’s _Buzzfeed_ video. We’re taking on marriage, and in particular, failed marriages. We asked you to bring your wedding pictures and videos, and what we plan to do is have you both go through them and talk with one another and answer some questions we have for you. Sounds good?” 

The two both nod. “Before we get to it, introduce yourself and give a little bit of context of your relationship.” 

There’s silence between them, not sure who should go first in the introductions. Harry sucks in a breath and speaks up. “I’m Harry.” 

“And I’m Louis.” 

“We were married for ten years before we divorced two years ago,” Harry concludes, not speaking as loudly as he normally does. He’s just glad there’s a mic hooked up to him, so his words are picked up. 

He wasn’t the only one, however, because Louis’ words were also softly spoken and difficult to hear if the room wasn’t dead silent. “We were together for eleven years altogether; we dated for one, married for ten, and divorced for two, so, yeah.” 

The studio lights shine brightly into Harry’s eyes, the heat radiating from them causing him to break out into a light sweat. The heavy lighting mixed with the several pairs of eyes and the overall situation is making Harry unbelievably nervous. Most of all, it’s having Louis a few feet away from him.

“What was the reason for your divorce?” a woman beside Zayn helps by asking. 

Harry and Louis know the truth. Their friends and family know the truth. The truth of the matter is that no one was willing to ever say it out loud. No one dared to say aloud how Louis was left alone the majority of the time at home. No one called it out to Harry because Harry knew it himself; and at the time, he didn’t do anything to fix it. 

**

**March 12 th, 2016.**

_‘Hey love, don’t forget the appointment with the agency at one and dinner with my parents tonight! Love you xxxxx’_

Harry sends a quick reply to Louis and pockets his phone in his lab coat. He then starts to organize his files into a single pile. If one were to walk into Harry’s office, they would assume a tornado flew around the room with the shape the room is in. More often than not, Harry would also treat the room as his own bedroom, which Louis doesn’t particularly like.

Speaking of Louis, Harry doesn’t have much time to get the adoption agency and meet with his husband. So he should probably leave now. 

He can’t believe they are about to take this step in their lives. It has been his dream since he was little. He dreamt of finding his soulmate and having as many children as they could handle. 

Neither he or Louis care about the age of the child. They can be a newborn baby, toddler, or a child, or older. Harry just wants to have a family with Louis. Harry can’t wait to teach them all he knows about the world and even though there’s a lot of ugliness to it, there are so many precious things to cherish.

Harry knows Louis is going to be such an amazing father and to know that he’ll get to see it all in action for the rest of his life? It only makes him more excited about their future. Louis was born to be a father, while he’s loud and in your face about things, he seems to have a different demeanor with children. 

He’s much softer and patient, making sure every child he interacts with has a smile on their face. Louis does anything to make them feel special, and there is no doubt that their child will be treated the same. 

With having children with Louis in mind, Harry is eager to meet with his husband and get the process rolling. However, right when he takes off his coat and picks up his bag to leave, his pager goes off. 

It’s from the ER, clearly urgent and they desperately need him. So, without a thought in mind, Harry drops his bag, puts on his coat again and accidentally forgets to grab his phone from his desk. 

He misses all the text messages and phone calls from Louis.

**

After an emergency open heart surgery on a sixteen-year-old that took six hours, Harry is exhausted. All he wants to do is get home and take a long, warm bath with Louis. The thought sounds absolutely perfect. 

By the time Harry leaves the hospital, it’s nearing eight o’clock. He doesn’t know what time it is, so he checks his phone. The moment he unlocks his phone Harry knows he fucked up.

On the screen, there were several notifications of missed calls, voicemails, and text messages. All of them from Louis. 

“Fuck,” Harry hisses, jogging through the parking garage to get to his car. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

He chooses to not call Louis on his way home, wanting to explain the last-minute emergency procedure in person. Harry’s done this one too many times and he knows for a fact, Louis is unquestionably livid right now. 

The last minute, unexpected calls were very common in Harry’s field of work but lately, they’ve been getting in the way of his relationship with Louis. It’s not that Louis didn’t support his career, he’s proud to say his husband saves lives for a living. However, Harry knows Louis misses spending time with him. He knows Louis just wants to go out on dates, or just have a causal lay in on their couch, because Harry misses that stuff also.

Harry’s career is exploding though as he takes on the tougher cases with success. It’s come to the point where cases are being sent to him personally, because potential patients want him to take on their case. 

It’s all exciting and Harry is very much appreciative of the trust people have in him, but it comes with the consequences of spending less time at home and with Louis. 

Harry’s missed out on so many planned dates, only to come home to Louis already asleep or coming in so late in the morning that Louis already headed to his office for the day. He’s lucky Louis enjoys working from home more. Harry, however, can tell he gets lonely being in their house by himself, so he opts to go to the office to work instead. 

It isn’t fair to Louis, Harry recognizes that, but he can’t help but also feel like his hands are tied. He can’t please everyone, and it hurts that the one getting the short end of the stick is his soulmate. 

Soon Harry’s pulling into his driveway and sees Louis’ car and the lights turned off inside. The light from their bedroom can’t be seen from the front of the house, so Harry assumes Louis must be in there. 

He can only prepare himself so much and he has no idea how Louis is going to react. 

This was meant to be a big day for them.

Not only were they going to start the adoption process to finally start their family, but Louis had managed to book a client. He was ecstatic that his illustrations had impressed them that much. They planned to celebrate with dinner with Louis parents and siblings who came to town for it. Louis made reservations to one of the fanciest restaurants in Los Angeles for the occasion and Harry missed it. 

Harry feels mountains of apprehension as he unlocks the front door. As the silence welcomes him in. He doesn’t pause anywhere like he normally would. Instead, he goes straight towards his bedroom where he sees the light on from underneath the closed door. 

Even though it’s also his bedroom, Harry nervously knocks. “Lou?”

The silence only pushes him to open the door. He finds Louis beside their bed, shoving his clothes in suitcases. The color drains from his face as he drops his things. 

“What, what are you doing?” Harry questions quickly, walking to Louis. 

Louis is still not speaking to him as he moves back and forth from the closet to the suitcases. He’s not even daring to look at Harry, determined to pack his clothes without distractions. 

“Baby, please. No, no, no,” Harry can only repeat. “Let me explain, I know I fucked up.” 

“Be quiet, Harry,” Louis snaps coldly. “I don’t want any explanations from you.” 

This can’t be happening, Harry doesn’t want to believe Louis could be doing this. “I have a good reason.” 

“You _always_ have a good reason, Harry. That’s always your excuse, and quite frankly, I’m sick of it.” 

Harry’s vision blurs, trying to hold back a cry because this _can’t_ be happening. No. “Don’t say that you know with my job-” 

He stops when Louis finally takes the time to look at him. Harry wishes Louis didn’t turn to him because it’s obvious how hurt he is. He’s obviously been crying, his nose is red, skin splotchy, and his eyes puffy and full of sadness. “What about my job, huh? What about _my_ work?” 

“Louis-” 

“I know I’m not some hot shot like a fucking doctor, but my job is important to me too. I’m doing what I love also and I’m starting to have lots of success in it and I would personally love my husband, no, my _soulmate,_ to be supportive of it as well.” 

Harry can’t really argue against Louis in this topic, because Louis is right. He’s proud of him, so unbelievably proud but he hasn’t shown it. It’s always been about Harry’s career; the move to Los Angeles, the delay in their wedding because of medical school. Their relationship has been affected the most from Harry’s career and it isn’t fair. 

There are no words for Harry to say, but nothing needed to be said because Louis wasn’t done. “And don’t even get me started about missing our appointment.” 

“If you just let me explain, please, baby.” 

“Don’t call me that. Don’t ‘ _baby’_ me, because it’s not going to work in your favor this time, Harry. You don’t get to do that.” 

Shockingly, that’s what breaks Harry. From the moment they began dating, Harry always said Louis was his baby and Louis thrived on it. Every time he was given the term of endearment, he’d blush no matter what the situation. They could be in the kitchen making dinner, or out at the grocery store, or especially in bed when getting intimate, and Louis always blushed from the pet name. 

For him to push the name away means something entirely bigger than what Harry thought. 

Something fires up in Louis as he steps up to Harry, getting so close that Harry can smell their toothpaste from his breath. 

“We’re supposed to start a _family,_ ” Louis cries, bringing up his fists to shove Harry back without too much force. “This is what we’ve been dreaming about since before we even bonded.” 

“I know,” he can only whisper. 

“Shut up. Just, shut the fuck up.” Harry nods, closing his mouth. “I was so excited today. Sure, the job promotion is fantastic for me and it’ll open up so many doors in the future, but do you know what I was more excited about?” 

They’re both openly crying, feeling so much pain between the two of them that Harry cannot help but blame himself for. 

Louis takes a second to catch his breath. He achieves pushing Harry against the bedroom door, gripping on his shirt. “I was so excited to start this family of my own, but most importantly, it’s with _you._ You’re the most precious thing I’ve ever had in my life and the fact that we were brought into this world to share this with each other, means _everything_ to me. Because, fuck, you’re an amazing person and I know you’d be a spectacular Papa. 

“And I’ve waited long enough, Harry. First, it was after medical school, then it was after your residency and all your testing, and then you wanted to wait to get used to being the head of the department. And when you _finally_ said yes, let’s get the ball rolling, I was so fucking excited. So when I waited for you at the agency for over an hour without so much as a text, that broke my heart.” 

Harry wants to hug him so fucking bad. He wants to scoop his Louis up and take him to bed and hold him for the rest of the night, hell, the rest of his life. He hates himself for all the pain he’s caused, Louis. How in the world did Harry let it get to this? 

“All I could think about was that having a family with me wasn’t what you wanted anymore, that you changed your mind.” 

That is absolutely false, everything about it is wrong. Harry is on the same page with Louis, he wants to have this family already. He’s wanted this family from the day they met. As he tries to explain himself, Louis shushes him. 

“And then you miss my celebration dinner with my parents and siblings. The one time I planned a fancy, overpriced fucking dinner to treat myself and you didn’t show up. How many times have I gone to your extravagant doctor events? Huh? Too many to count, Harry. I’m always there by your side and being supportive. So why couldn’t you do the same for me?” 

“I love you,” Harry can only say. 

“I’m lonely all the time. We’ve bought this house to raise our family in and I barely see you in it. It’s miserable, Harry. You don’t have this balance between me and your job. I know your job is very demanding. It’s a wonderful thing in helping children. I’m here too though Harry.” 

“I do know.” 

“You don’t show it.” Louis steps back to give them some space between them. “I don’t feel anything from you anymore. I haven’t felt your touch in months. You’ve barely given me any attention. I’m sorry, but, Harry, I haven’t felt your love and support in a long time.” 

_Fuck, what has he done?_

“We’re soulmates, but I don’t feel you as my other half anymore.” 

Harry always dreamt of having the best bond with his soulmate. At seven-years-old when his parents thoroughly explained soulmates to him, he promised himself he’d be the best partner a person could ever have. He thought they would always be happy because they were together. Harry thought nothing could go wrong between them, it was impossible. 

One look at Louis’ sullen look, Harry knows the next words coming. 

“I want a divorce.” 

Seven-year-old him would be crushed.

Even though Harry doesn’t want this, he can’t keep putting Louis through this. It kills him to allow this to happen, he could’ve prevented all of this if he just paid more attention to the beautiful blue-eyed man in front of him. If he cherished him like he’s meant to be appreciated and cherished, none of this would’ve occurred.

Here they are, both red-eyed, dried up tear tracks and Louis miserable in their marriage. He has to do it for Louis. 

“Okay, we’ll get a divorce.” 

** 

**February 10 th, 2018.**

“I’m a doctor, uh, a pediatric cardiologist and it’s a very demanding career. It just came to the point where we weren’t seeing each other at all and when we did, we’d argue. It wasn’t healthy, so we mutually decided to end our marriage.” Harry’s proud that he manages to explain the short and edited version of the story without breaking down. He feels like he could have a breakdown at any moment. 

“Are you soulmates?” 

They haven’t even gotten to the most difficult part of the segment. The part where they go through pictures and video and Harry is seconds away from breaking. He doesn’t want to answer the question himself, for the fact that he’s embarrassed. 

He’s not embarrassed by Louis being his soulmate, absolutely not. He’s embarrassed that he fucked it up. Here they are broken up because he failed at being a proper soulmate. 

So, Harry doesn’t want to admit they’re soulmates, because it’s just a reminder of his mistakes. 

Louis notices Harry wasn’t going to answer the question, so he voices up for them. “We are.” 

“Did you marry before you bonded, or the other way around?” 

“We bonded before we got married. Harry and I wanted to take another step to validate our bond.”

There’s a difference in how Louis is carrying himself and answering the questions. Earlier, Louis was much more animated, hands flying everywhere to get his point across, and his words were much louder. Louis shines in a room full of people, all eyes on him. Louis has always been unapologetic in how he expresses himself. 

It’s easy to just sit down and take a moment to admire Louis. It was one of the many things he cherished when they were together. 

Now, Louis is reserved. His answers are thought out and short, whereas he’d normally spend a few minutes going off. Harry doesn’t recognize this Louis and he can’t help but feel guilty for it because he’s to blame. 

Harry starts to pick his nails and fidget in his seat. He is desperate to leave not be tortured by reliving his marriage and divorce all at the same time. He hopes that they are being boring enough to have their part cut from the video. 

“Cut,” an unknown voice announces behind the camera. Everyone is looking a bit uncomfortable in front of them. You could cut the tension with a knife. The man who called cut walks around the camera to get closer to Harry and Louis. “I’m Steve. Listen, I know this can be a little awkward for you guys.” 

“It’s more than a little awkward,” Louis mutters to the side and with that Harry shrinks back. 

“Have you two talked since divorcing?” 

They both shake their heads. 

“Shit, okay then. Cool. It’s alright, we’re just going to get to the next portion of this which would be looking through your wedding album. Look through a few pictures here and there, and just tell a story behind them or something,” Steve explains to the two. It doesn’t surprise Harry that he’ll be looking through the photo album, he pieced the two together when being asked to bring the items. “Just pretend like we aren’t in the room.” 

Harry scoffs. “I don’t think that’ll help, bro.” 

“Thank you, Steve,” Louis cuts in loudly, sending Harry a soft glare. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

Looks like they’re on the same page. 

Harry would blame the chair being uncomfortable before admitting it’s his nerves for the reason for his squirming, but everyone in the room would know the true cause. The wedding album on his lap feels a lot heavier than it truly is. He now wishes Louis held it rather than he did. 

Steve moves behind the camera and screams action as if they’re on a movie set. 

The woman from before continues on with explaining the main portion of the video: the pictures and videos. “Louis, Harry, you can start now by opening up the wedding pictures and talk amongst yourselves.” 

Louis dares to scooch forward in order to get a better look when Harry shakily opens the album. He can smell the familiar scent of Louis’ Yves Saint Laurent cologne. Harry knows it’s the same he got Louis into because he loved the lavender scent.

They went traditional in their wedding photos. They hired a photographer and went all out because they knew it was cliché and secretly loved it. At the beginning of the album held the posed pictures, which included their families and best men. 

The first of the pictures is of them looking their best in the middle of an empty road. Surrounding them was vibrant green trees with daisy covered bushes, the image being the epitome of spring. Louis and Harry didn’t pay the photographer in mind as they were wrapped in each other. 

Harry remembers what he was thinking the exact moment this picture was taken. The picture shows him with his arm wrapped around Louis’ waist as he leaned down kissing him. He recalls thinking _‘God, I’m so lucky he’s mine.’_

“I give props to the photographer because I remember this day being very windy,” Louis begins the conversation. 

“Yeah, everyone’s eyes were watery because of it. I’d like to think it was because of the overall occasion and not the wind.” 

Louis lets out a small chuckle. “You keep telling yourself that.” 

“It was a beautiful ceremony, not one dry eye in sight.” 

Harry’s spent so much time trying not to make it awkward that he does exactly that. “Sorry, um, yeah sorry.” 

It isn’t a lie though, that’s the thing. The wedding was very emotional and the majority of their family and friends ended up tearful. They knew how much the ceremony meant to both Harry and Louis. They wanted something official, to show everyone what their bond meant to them. 

Seems like they were wrong about that. 

A not-so-subtle cough comes out of Louis, building on Harry’s embarrassment because he didn’t mean to say it out loud. “Anyways.” 

“Let’s go to the next picture,” Louis suggests, reaching over to flip the page. His hand is so close Harry could easily hold it like he’s done in the past. He desperately wants to grasp Louis’ hand but refrains himself from doing so. 

They continue to flip through pages, cooing at Louis younger sisters and brother who were having the time of their lives dancing on the dance floor. 

“Remember when Ernie cried when your mom took him away for his bedtime.” 

Louis giggles in remembrance. “The little guy was sweating so much he needed a bath before bed.” 

“He was cute. How’s he doing? And Doris?” 

“They’re good, yeah. Getting too big for me to handle. They’re getting old,” Louis replies softly, flipping another page over. 

“We're getting old.” 

“Speak for _yourself_.” 

Their bantering wasn’t uncommon for them when they were together. At the beginning of their relationship, they realized they couldn’t go one conversation without teasing and mocking each other. It made things exciting. Harry misses getting to tease someone and know they’ll give it right back to him. 

He's missing this type of interaction the most. Something so small as just teasing each other gives Harry happiness. He fucking misses this with Louis. 

Before he can continue with mocking Louis, the next page makes them both silent. 

The picture displays the two of them during their first dance. 

Harry’s really trying to keep his emotions intact, but it’s becoming to be so difficult. 

** 

**April 28 th, 2006. **

“You look so happy, darling,” Anne points out, giving her son a peck on the cheek. “I don’t think I’ve seen you stop smiling all day.” 

Harry blushingly admits, “Honestly, Mom, I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling since I met Louis.” 

Harry knows he’s not lying about it either. From the moment he met his soulmate, his now _husband, fuck,_ there hasn’t been a moment in time where he didn’t find himself smiling. Every moment with his Louis has been a moment full of love and happiness. 

With his future looking better than ever. Harry doesn’t see himself not smiling any time soon. 

Soon it’s announced Harry and Louis are to join together at the center of the dance floor to have their first dance. The newlyweds were on opposite sides of the room, greeting their guests individually for the moment. But when they’re called to the dance floor, they instantly locked eyes and made their way to each other. 

When they’re within arm’s reach, Harry pulls Louis in towards him, gripping his hand on Louis’ waist while the other holds his hand ever so gently. 

_A Kiss from a Rose_ begins to play through the speakers as their chosen wedding song. It was Louis’ suggestion and when Harry gave the song a good listen months ago, he knew it was perfect for them. 

“Hey, husband,” Louis greets him, with a small kiss on the lips. Harry wishes he can do a little more than that, but he’s willing to wait until later. 

“Hello, my love. You look breathtaking.” 

Harry, of course, is telling the truth. Louis stands before him in a black suit but it’s shining with the addition of specks of some glitter. It’s a nice touch to a much tradition look, which Harry advised. 

While Louis tends to style his hair up and away in a form of a quiff. It’s sexy and only makes Harry want to mess it up. For their wedding he wanted Louis to have a simple look. The look of his silky hair in a side fringe is the style Louis had when they first met. It’s the natural style Harry wakes up seeing every morning. 

So he pleaded with Louis to let his hair down for the wedding, which he couldn’t help but comply with. 

“Look who’s talking, stud.” 

The two proceed to dance along the lines of being each other’s power, pleasure, and pain from Seal. They’re pressing their foreheads together. Their family and friends watch on with grins on their faces. Everybody watching two soulmates in their own little world celebrating their love. 

It’s a touching moment, very traditional in the sense of what occurs in a typical wedding reception. Harry had also voiced in their wedding planning is adding another song to their dance. A song that could include everyone else. 

And after hearing what particular song Harry wanted, who was Louis to deny his husband, the sap, of that wish? 

After the second round of the chorus from _A Kiss from a Rose,_ it fades into the guitar chords of the song Harry sang to Louis on their first date at a karaoke bar. The story has been told several times throughout the years, Harry loving to retell it himself. 

_She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman I had ever seen_

Harry and Louis both start cackling as they separate themselves and start dancing to the rhythm of the upbeat song. They turn to their audience and encourage them to join them on the floor, which the majority do with gusto. When the chorus creeps up, the husbands get ready to raise their fists in the air, just like they did the night of their first date. 

_“And we were making it and you, shook me all night long, yeah you, shook me all night long.”_ They’re beaming with exhilaration, singing on the top of their lungs. 

Harry can’t hold it in much longer. He goes to bring Louis closer once again and dives in for a firm kiss. “I love you, so fucking much.” 

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” Louis says in return. 

** 

**February 10 th, 2018. **

“AC/DC is the shit,” Harry murmurs, eyes scanning all the pictures of everyone who attended their wedding jumping along to _You Shook Me All Night Long._

Remembering this particular moment of their wedding night gives Harry so much nostalgia because that night was such a perfect night. He felt on top of the world. It’s hard to believe everything is completely different now.

They laugh at the pictures of Harry’s drunk uncle and Louis’ stoned cousin dancing like lunatics, without a care in the world. There are several with everyone enjoying their times. The pictures documenting when the Styles and Tomlinsons became one. 

“I just can’t get over how long your hair was.” Louis points to another picture of Harry with Louis’ mom. His arm wrapped around his ex-mother-in-law. 

Harry had planned to cut his hair before the wedding. However, Louis begged him to not touch it. If there was one thing Louis loved the most about Harry, it was his long, curly locks. Louis never missed a day of touching them and conveying how much he loved it.

Harry had chosen to cut it a year after they got married. Louis mourned the lost but gave Harry extra love and affection because of his good heart. 

“Perhaps I should grow it out again.” 

“That’s up to you, Harry.” There is no emotion behind Louis’ statement and Harry’s ready to curl into a ball. This isn’t his Louis. 

Steve steps around the camera once again, calling cut and taking a MacBook from one of the interns running around. “Okay kiddos, that should be good for the first segment, so we’re going to move onto the second.” 

A stool is placed in front of them where Steve places the MacBook on top of. He flips it open and proceeds to plug in the USB Harry brought of their wedding videos. This experience is going to be different than looking their pictures because these aren’t stilled moments. These videos are going to feel more real than anything else, and it will be easy to relive each moment as if they just happened. 

“Here we go. So just go through the different clips that you have and pause whenever you like. Sounds good?” They nod. “Okay good, let’s start rolling.” 

“I’m nervous,” Louis admits quietly. 

“Why?” They didn’t realize the cameras continued on recording, catching Louis’ confession. This is the first genuine conversation the two are having where one of them – Harry – isn’t over-thinking their decisions. 

Louis waits to find the words to fairly define how he feels. “Because things are so different now. We don’t have the relationship we had in these videos. We have nothing at all.” 

He’s right, their relationship is nowhere near where it used to be. Harry used to have more with Louis, and he so desperately wishes he had that again. What they once had no longer exists and it breaks Harry’s heart to hear Louis say similar words. 

_Then let’s change that._

“We’ll be fine, I think,” Harry says instead. “This could be the closure we deserve. Us watching our happiest moments. We have to remember we had great memories and that our relationship wasn’t a total bust, you know?” 

Bullshit, it’s all bullshit spouting through Harry’s chapped lips. He regrets every word and wants to take them back. However, Louis didn’t seem affected by the suggestion, better yet, he looks like he agrees with Harry. 

Louis nods along. “Yeah, good closure. We really need that.” 

Harry presses play on the first clip. 

The first clip is the moment where Louis met Harry at the altar, with his mom by his side. Both sides couldn’t keep a straight face and were emotional right off the bat. Harry remembers the second he met Louis’ eyes as he begins to walk towards him. He told himself his dreams were finally coming true. 

He had the most beautiful, kind-hearted man wanting to spend the rest of his life with him despite the whole soulmate thing. Their love and choice to marry went beyond soulmates. With soulmates, you don’t get to choose who your partner is. By marrying, you’re making that choice. Despite already being soulmates, Harry and Louis still wanted to choose each other as husbands. 

The next clip featured Zayn stumbling with Harry’s wedding rings for Louis, making many believe he had lost it. It nearly gave Harry a heart attack, but only made Louis laugh hysterically. Harry then got over because if it made Louis laugh, he’d allow it. Luckily Zayn didn’t lose them just simply misplaced them in his jacket pocket rather than his pants. 

“I think that was the first time I ever saw Zayn sweat.” Louis pauses the video to comment. “He was so close to just bolting if he really did lose the rings.” 

“Liam had to remind him,” Harry chuckles. “ Liam saving the day once again.” 

“Liam saving Zayn’s _ass_ once again, more like.” 

_“Hey, shut the fuck up,”_ Zayn says off-camera.

The pair move onto the next clip, another of everyone dancing to _Thriller_ as if they were the zombies in the damn music video. Harry and Louis make comments for each clip, laughing more than ever and smiling as they relived the day through the screen. 

With every clip, Harry wants to cry and go back in time. They promised themselves the day they received the videos to watch it with their children one day. So they could see the love their daddies had for each other. They wanted to show them what true love looked like and how it was celebrated. 

Harry doesn’t think he’ll ever get a chance to experience it and his heart crumples at the thought. 

Finally, Steve recommends watching one more clip of the day. He has enough footage for a decent video. 

The cursor hovers over the last clip, and Harry’s tentative to make the move to play it. He’s not certain what happens when this part is done. Harry’s pretty sure they’ll finish, wrap up with an interview and that’ll be it. That’ll be it and Harry and Louis walk in at opposite directions without knowing when they’ll see each other again. 

Harry hates the thought of it. 

Things were not meant to be this way, and Harry’s sick of being sad about it. 

He presses play. 

** 

**April 28 th, 2006. **

Harry likes to think he’s a bit reckless. Regardless of what Louis suggested to be their departure song after the wedding reception. Harry changed it last minute, simply to get a laugh out of everyone and most importantly Louis. 

The song of choice is a simple projection of what’s to come on their way to their honeymoon suite at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. The night is a simple, short one before they go on their actual honeymoon in Jamaica the following afternoon. 

The anticipation is killing Harry as he and Louis are getting ready to walk through the doors. Their guests impatiently waiting to cheer and send them off. The anticipation is long gone when he’s pushed roughly to the wall; a familiar set of lips pressed fiercely against his. 

Harry only welcomes the invasion, cupping Louis’ scruffy cheeks as he moves their lips in sync. They fight for dominance, but Harry ultimately wins. 

Louis’ hands move down and halt when they land on Harry’s love handles, squeezing until he gets a moan out of Harry. “I love you, husband.” 

“I love you, soulmate,” Harry replies swiftly.

“I want to take you to bed already.” Louis drags his lips to Harry’s jaw. He sucks gently enough to not leave a mark, that was for later. The husbands still need to face their guests one more time before they’re off to their hotel. 

Harry whimpers when one of Louis’ hands creeps to the growing bulge underneath his pants. “Lou, baby, I don’t want to get hard before we see our family and friends.” 

With that Louis only pushes himself forward, making Harry feel his semi through his own pants. “You already got me there, darling. I just can’t help myself.” 

He can taste the champagne on Louis’ tongue, craving it the more Louis kisses him. Louis goes on to cup Harry’s bulge once again when they’re getting called by one of their parents. They both groan with annoyance. As if they were really about to fuck each other in the middle of the hall at their wedding venue. 

“We just got to wait for a little more baby,” Harry tells Louis when he sees his husband pout. “I do need to tell you something though.” 

Louis raises a brow. “What did you do, Styles?” 

“Tomlinson-Styles,” Harry corrects. 

Louis blushes from his mistake, Harry can’t help but give him another kiss because he can. “Tomlinson-Styles.” 

“I changed our departure song.” 

His blush is gone, and the irritation grows. “You did what now?” 

Harry only smiles sheepishly, giving a slight shrug. “I changed it?” 

“We agreed on _Another One Bites the Dust,_ Harry! We wanted _Queen_!” Perhaps it wasn’t wise for Harry to change the song without Louis’ permission. In his defense, he knows that’ll get a laugh from their guests. The idea came last minute, and Harry went his gut and added the song. 

Their names are called once again, pulling them out of their minor argument which isn’t really an argument. It's more Louis being an angry kitten while Harry’s trying not to laugh. He knows Louis will ultimately appreciate the song choice. 

While _Another One Bites the Dust,_ is a great song choice. One that’s easy to dance to as they make their way to the car. _This_ new song gives everyone an idea of what’s to come and Harry can’t even be embarrassed about it. He’s too happy to give a damn. 

Without another squeak from either of them, Harry excitedly pulls Louis near the grand entrance doors. Louis stops them the moment Harry reaches for the door. “I swear to God, Harry, this song better be good if it’s replacing our Lord and Savior Freddie Mercury.” 

Harry thinks sensibly and keeps his mouth shut as he opens the doors. Several cameras are on the newlyweds as Marvin Gaye’s voice blesses their ears. 

_I’ve been really tryin’, baby, tryin’ to hold back this feeling for so long_

Knowing full well they’re being recorded by the majority of their guests, they display big grins while trying not to laugh at the same time. Harry attempts to walk with a bit of swagger. Which isn’t really working for him and only results in Louis laughing. 

“ _Let’s Get It On,_ really, Styles? You’re basically telling our entire families about us leaving to have sex,” Louis hisses, wrapping his arm very tightly around Harry’s waist. Harry, on the other hand, wraps his own arm around Louis’ shoulders and waves and points to different cameras. 

They see their friends off to the side. Liam and Zayn sending them big smirks whereas Niall is using his hands to gesture what they’re on their way to do at the hotel. Harry snorts and gives him a wink, making Louis pinch his side. 

“ _Ahhhhh, baby, let’s get it on,”_ Harry sings loudly. He then tugging his new husband in for a farewell kiss before they’re off. 

Cheers erupt around them, everyone ecstatic for the newly married soulmates. His parents are tearful with lots of pride. His grandma is distraught due to the song booming about their inevitable sexual escapade waiting for them. Most importantly, he has the most beautiful person in the world pressed against his side. 

Yeah, Harry deems this as one of the best days of his life. 

** 

**February 10 th, 2018. **

“I completely forgot you changed the damn song to Marvin Gaye,” Louis snickers, Harry joins him because Louis’ just contagious that way. “My aunt wouldn’t let me hear the end of it for a long time.” 

“I just love that whoever recorded this one caught Niall doing the sex gesture.” They continue to laugh until they eventually quiet down. “Man, it was a good day.” 

Louis stays silent until he whispers, “Yeah, it was.” 

Steve decides to stop this portion of the segment after that moment. Which Harry’s secretly thankful for because he doesn’t know how much more he could handle. 

Harry’s then directed to leave the shot, leaving Louis alone in front of the camera. He assumes this is where they’ll give their final thoughts about this experience. Of reliving their wedding day with each other as a divorced couple. He believes he’s safe to stay and listen in. Although it might not be the best idea. 

“Okay, bro, we’re just going to give you final questions to see how you feel and all that after. Feel free to pass on any questions you don’t wish to answer, and yeah, I think that’s about it.” Harry shuffles further away to hide himself in case he isn’t meant to be here for this part of the filming. 

After two years of not speaking, and leaving their marriage in bad terms, Harry’s dying to know where’s Louis’ mindset is at. Obviously, there won’t be questions about the details of their marriage and divorce, at least he doesn’t think so. However, he hasn’t had the opportunity to know what Louis’ thinking in so long and he’s desperate for it.

Louis fixes his hair one more time before he says he’s ready and when action is called out, the first question is asked.

 _“So, Louis, how do you feel after partaking in this video?”_

The way to know when Louis’s nervous is when he begins to touch his face frequently. First, it starts with his hair, making sure his fringe stays intact and that there’s no strand betraying him. Then he’ll play with his lips, pinching them and licking them way too often. Finally, he’ll rub his beard if he’s sporting one. 

After that, it’s the rubbing of the hands that give it away for Louis. He’ll crack his knuckles, intertwine his hands, and rub them together as if he’s cold and seeking warmth. 

Currently, he’s doing everything that gives his nerves away and Harry just wants to relax him with a warm embrace. But he can’t. 

“I’m going, to be honest, I told Zayn I wasn’t willing to participate at first when he asked.” 

_This_ is news to Harry. Of course, he had a moment of reluctance, but Zayn made it believe that Louis was all for it. By not mentioning any troubles with him possibly not being in it. He didn’t know Louis had denied partaking in the video, and that only makes him feel worse. 

Nonetheless, this could only mean Louis didn’t want to see him in particular. That thought completely crushes Harry. 

_“So what changed your mind?”_

Louis takes a deep breath, looking down at his hands. “Um, Zayn. Yeah, yeah, Zayn mentioned how this could be the closure we needed for Harry’s and mine relationship.” 

Harry's eyes narrow when seeing Louis answering the follow-up question because of Louis’ stuttering. It might’ve been two years since he’s seen Louis’ mannerisms but at the end of the day, they’re soulmates. Regardless of their divorce. They still have a bond they could never share with another person. 

He knows Louis inside and out and Harry knows for a fact that he’s hiding something. 

_“Do you have any different feelings after filming this?”_

“About our marriage?” 

_“Sure, or whatever else.”_

There’s a blank look on Louis’ face and it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking. He needs a better look but also doesn’t want to jeopardize Louis faking an answer knowing Harry’s watching.

Carefully and as quiet as can, Harry gets closer. He finally gets a better look to see where his headspace is at. 

Harry can see Louis’ uncomfortable. There’s something incredibly off with him and Harry can’t put his finger on it. He used to know every single thing Louis thought about and being part of the unknown is killing him. There’s something Louis is not saying, and it hurts because Harry doesn’t even have the right to know. 

“No, not at all.” 

At this point, every word coming out of Louis’ mouth is another dagger in Harry’s heart. 

** 

With the next fifteen minutes, Harry’s the one in front of the camera. He’s waiting for the set of questions to come his way regarding the video and his perspective of the experience.

Even with the brightness of the set lights, Harry isn’t able to see Louis lingering around as he did when Louis was in the hot seat. He has a shimmer of hope that Louis is a bit interested in Harry’s answers. 

From the right side, Zayn sends Harry an encouraging smile, trying to calm him down. He’s fully aware of the internal panic Harry is having. They’ve known each other long enough to experience these things. Harry misses his long hair for these situations specifically. At this moment, he could easily play with the tips below his shoulders. 

Steve grab his attention, informing him to get ready to start.

The interviewer off-camera asks the first question. _“To start, what were you expecting from this video coming into it?”_

“I wasn’t told we were going through our wedding day.” Harry misses Louis already by his side. He’s unsure how is he meant to keep going without again, he doesn’t know. He’s unsure what to say, afraid to utter the wrong thing. “But when we were asked to bring the pictures and videos I had a good idea.” 

They need his honesty; the viewers are expecting it. If Harry chooses to be truthful, it would bring him trouble, there’s no doubt about it. 

“Of course I knew it would be difficult,” he says slowly and carefully. “As Louis said, it was such a happy day for us – full of hope and promises of forever. It’s a huge reality check for us to assume just because we’re soulmates, that everything is going to be perfect. We promised – no, we _vowed_ – forever without thinking of the work we had to put into it. Now we’re here and we no longer speak to each other. It’s hard looking back on that.” 

_“How were you feeling while filming?”_

He can’t help but laugh at the question because if they truly knew how Harry felt, they would pity him. As much as he was hurting throughout each picture and video, he mostly felt the strong desire to lean over and kiss Louis. He needs the comfort Louis gave him for so many years. 

“A lot,” he says instead. “I was nervous and scared.” 

_“Do you want to explain why?”_

_Not particularly._ He doesn’t want his feelings to be exposed only for him to be judged. Judgment from anyone terrifies Harry because he knows he could have prevented this if things were different. 

“I guess I was nostalgic, more than anything.” Which is true, whether he and Louis stayed together or not, he’d always be nostalgic because he’d give anything to be back. Who wouldn’t want to relive the happiest moments of their lives if given the chance? 

_“Do you wish things were different?”_

_God._ Of fucking course. However, Harry can’t say that. He can’t possibly answer this truthfully. Tears build up thinking of how desperate he is to have a different relationship with Louis. Hell, there is no relationship, anything could be better than this. 

“Of course. We wouldn’t have married each other if forever wasn’t in our minds.”


	3. Three

Harry’s been dismissed as if he were a schoolchild being dismissed from class. He’s sitting in his car with the air conditioning blasting to cool down the lingering sweat on his neck and back. 

He sees a few people leaving the building, however, none of them seems to be Louis. Harry isn’t sure if he’s waiting until he appears, but he doesn’t have the desire to leave just yet. He had left in a haze; he didn’t even bother saying goodbye to everybody individually as he’s done so before. 

He didn’t even say goodbye to Louis after the day they’ve had, even if it was the polite thing to do. Who knows when would be the next time they are in the same room, face to face, and cordial with one another. 

Harry certainly isn’t waiting for Zayn’s phone call. He’s bound to ask mercilessly if he’s alright. 

Harry’s just not ready to leave yet. Not even for the alcohol waiting to help him forget today. As that thought crosses his mind the door swings open and Louis walks to the parking lot. 

The only thing Harry can focus on besides tapping of his fingers against the wheel as if he should go up to him. His brain is working on overdrive as he tries to decide if it would be a good idea. Harry wants to have one more conversation because he has no idea he’ll get to see him again. 

The need to be close to his soulmate once again overpowers the nervousness, so he turns off the car and stumbles out. 

“Louis!” Harry shouts, jogging over until he reaches him. 

Louis turns with a confused expression, cocking a brow. “What’s up?” 

And, that stumps Harry. He didn’t realize he’d have to actually _talk_ to get a conversation going. He realizes that’s how normal conversations go. He blames looking at Louis’ lovely face for his temporary brain fart. 

The ever so patient Louis stands there, waiting for Harry to come up with the words to explain why he’s stopped him. 

“Are you busy?” Harry asks. Louis shakes his head. “Do you want to grab some coffee?” 

And to his surprise, Louis says yes. 

** 

They agree to meet at a Coffee Bean around the corner from where _Buzzfeed_ is located. Harry’s trying to not shit bricks with all the nerves pent up. 

Harry adjusts the bandana around his neck before heading inside, not knowing how things are going to turn out. 

Their conversation can go one of two ways. One way consists of a friendly, casual conversation where they simply catch up on each other’s lives. There are two years’ worth of catching up on, they’d have more than enough to talk about and if they pushed the messy divorce aside, it’ll be grand. 

The other way could be filled with awkward silence until someone blurts out something stupid that gets taken the wrong way. The last thing Harry wants is to fight with Louis, not again. Not ever. 

Walking into the coffee shop, Harry looks around searching for the wisp of caramel-colored hair. He’s the first to arrive so he orders from them both, remembering Louis’ order.

“Can I have a Hazelnut Iced Coffee and an Iced Tea Latte?” The bell chimes from the entrance, announcing another customer. 

“You remember what I liked?” Harry turns to see Louis standing behind him, with a very small grin. 

“It’s been two years, not two decades, Louis,” Harry jokes, paying for their drinks. Louis protests when he notices, but he only waves him away. Once they grab their drinks, they head over to an empty table during the back of the shop. 

As soon as they’re seated the silence begins. Harry can’t possibly believe his luck to be in this situation. He has just returned from Costa Rica for several months, with the determination to move on from his breakup with Louis. While it was an amazing experience, Harry now realizes it only temporarily got the job done. 

For those handful months, Harry did a pretty good job in not reflecting on the past – and most importantly, his mistakes in it. He was able to help children and simultaneously learn more about medicine; it was truly an experience he’d never forget. 

He had no adjustment period when he had gotten back to Los Angeles. Harry was thrown into his past face first. Now, he’s here sitting opposite of his ex-husband. He couldn’t let Louis go without talking to him one more time. 

There’s soft acoustic music playing, the shop unusually quiet for a Saturday. Louis then clears his throat and sends a look that says, _“aren’t you going to say something?”_ Harry can only shake his head slightly because he _wants_ to say something, he just doesn’t know _what_ or _how_ to start. 

“Fine,” Louis mumbles. “I guess, I’ll kick this off since you refuse to say anything.” 

Harry groans. “It’s not that, I just-” 

He’s interrupted. “How have you been, Harry?” 

_I’ve been just dandy._  

“I’m alright, just a bit exhausted, I suppose,” Harry says instead. 

“It’s the middle of the day, how can you be tired already?” 

It’s not that type of exhausted, it’s more mental than anything else but he can’t quite explain that to Louis, can he? 

“I just got back from Costa Rica,” Harry admits, sipping on his drink. Louis lets out a low whistle and asks him what the occasion was. “Remember the healthcare program I was interested in years ago. When I was done with my residency?” 

It takes a second for the memory to pop into Louis’ head. “That’s right! The one working with doctors and children there.” 

Harry can’t help but smile fondly. “Yeah, so that’s what I did. I was gone for six months.” 

“ _Six months?”_

“Yeah, six months in San José, Costa Rica and I just got back last week.” 

“Did you spend your birthday there?” 

It’s thoughtful of Louis to remember Harry’s birthday. Harry supposes it’s something you’d forget after celebrating it for many years. Nonetheless, it’s sweet of Louis to bring it up and thoughtful of him to ask Harry how it was spent. 

“I spent my last full day there, actually. All the doctors and some children threw a little party for me. It was really sweet.” 

“Harry,” Louis starts. “That’s really great. I bet it was a good experience.” 

Harry nods in return, grimacing when remembering the downside from the last six months. Not every case he worked in ended up positive. He always hated when he’d lose a patient, especially because they were only children. “I learned a lot, and it was so different than what I’m used to working with here. They just don’t have all the resources that we have here.” 

“I could imagine, but it’s truly amazing for you to do that. I bet your help was greatly appreciated, you’re a really, really good doctor.” 

Yeah, a good doctor who didn’t manage to balance his life and ended up losing the most important person in his life.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. But enough about me, what have you been up to?” Harry changes the topic. Talking too much about Costa Rica overwhelms him. It’s overwhelming because the major reasoning behind his decision to go was to forget the failure of his marriage. After talking about it with Louis, he realizes it didn’t achieve anything. 

Louis hums. “Work. So much fucking work. Who knew the illustration industry is booming?” 

“You’re just that talented that everyone wants to work with you,” Harry comments, only to shut his mouth after. 

Louis’ talent is undeniable, and Harry isn’t admitting to being bias or anything. Anyone who has taken a look at Louis’ work could only agree with him. 

From the moment Harry met Louis and their soulmate markings appeared on their skins, Louis has been drawing. The reason Louis was even in the hospital the day they met was because Louis was volunteering his time to be in charge of a drawing class for the young patients. 

Once they moved in together months after finding each other, they made sure to pick an apartment with an extra room all for Louis’ work. Majority of the time, Louis spent his free time and work time in the room. If one were to peek inside they would assume it was a disaster, to Louis it was organized chaos. 

Harry never dared to touch Louis’ artwork. He had found it would lead to the storm that is an angry Louis Tomlinson. 

He recalls the various paints and drawings that were inspired by him. Louis never failed to capture Harry’s beauty in simple things like his hands, chest, and eyes. In his art room, Louis hung all of his drawings of Harry; he saved every single one of them. 

And now, Harry hasn’t got a clue where they could possibly be and that just tears at his heart a little bit more.

“You’re talking shit,” Louis laughs, leaning back against his seat. “But I did land a job for a Sci-Fi comic book company. Fuck, that project was a lot of fun.” 

Louis’ capacity ranged in various forms of art. As much as he practiced more realistic portraits, played with oil pastels and photorealism, Louis’ favorite was animation. On one of their first dates, Louis confessed to always have the dream of being an illustrator for the _Marvel_ comics. 

All throughout college and after, Louis’ heart was all for being a comic book illustrator and it became his life goal. Unfortunately, while they were together, Louis never landed a job as one. He never gave up though and kept applying for jobs. 

It looks like his determination and persistent paid off. 

_“Louis,”_ Harry breathes out, reaching out tentatively to place his hand on top of Louis’ for what seems like a millisecond. Louis abruptly withdraws his hand away and clears his throat. “Um, sorry, sorry. But, Louis, that’s amazing. You did it.” 

Regret flows through Harry from his reckless mistake. He was simply proud of Louis and wanted to show it, but it was excessive due to the circumstances. Once upon a time, Harry didn’t need to think about reaching out to Louis, to simply touch him because he could. 

“Thank you,” Louis says, his voice thick. Harry hates his actions because now Louis is tense, and things are once again awkward. “I loved working on it, everything like I’d imagine it would be like.” 

“Good. You deserve it.” 

Louis blushes. It’s faint. It’s so faint but quickly vanishes. 

It’s rather ridiculous how a small blush after two years makes Harry fall in love with Louis all over again. He’s fucked, but happy at the same time. 

“What else is new? Anything exciting?” Harry dodges the awkwardness as smoothly as he can. He has the feeling he wasn’t subtle at all. 

There’s a shift in Louis that Harry notices once his question is asked. Louis can’t quite keep still, and it mirrors the way moved around back at the Buzzfeed studio. It means he’s nervous and most likely keeping it to himself. “Listen, Harry…” 

“Okay, look.” Harry decides to interrupt because quite frankly, the weird tension between this is becoming too much for him to handle. “I know this is bizarre in a way.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I just want to say sorry for how things ended, it was never my intention for things to go the way they did, you know?” 

Louis visibly relaxes a bit, his shoulders lowering from their tense posture. “Me too, Harry. Of course.” 

“And it’s been quite some time and I think it’s more than enough time to just let the past be the past and move forward,” Harry suggests. 

“Move on, yeah,” Louis says. 

“So, we’re good?” 

Louis looks up to Harry across the table, letting out a chuckle in which Harry shoots a dimple-y smile in return. “Yeah, Harry, we’re good.” 

They’ve pushed things aside, but haven’t really _talked_ about the divorce, which they probably should do at some point. That would entail real closure. 

Their cups are empty, and the sun is beginning to set when Louis announces he should be leaving. They silently walk together to their parked cars. The only sound coming from the bottom of their shoes pressing on the road. 

Once they’re beside Louis’ car, Harry says, “I’m glad we got to talk for a little bit, I think we really needed it.” 

“Yeah, I agree. Thanks for having the guts to ask, because we both know I wouldn’t be able to pull the plug.” 

Harry knows he’s lying. Louis would have certainly pulled the plug, at least he hoped so. He still can’t get rid of the itch telling him Louis is holding back. Which he has every right to do so but Harry can’t imagine what it could be and that scares him. 

“I’ll let you go,” he states, turning towards his car. Louis gives him a wave and goes to unlock his own car and get inside. Right before he can get a foot in, Harry calls his name out softly. “Hey, Louis?” 

“Yeah?” he asks nervously. 

“Um. I just wanted to say that I’m really glad you agreed to do the video after all.” 

Louis' eyes widen marginally, his stance rigid, but he doesn’t stay quiet for long. Harry sees a genuine smile from him for the first time in a while. Harry’s missed it so much. 

“Me too.” 

**

**February 20 th, 2018.**

It’s a miracle that Harry manages to squeeze in a lunch break in a rather busy work day. His agenda is filled with appointments, group meetings, and a couple surgeries. He’ll take advantage of his free hour with food and a power nap. 

His plan is ruined however when fucking Dr. Payne drops himself in the seat next to him in the lunch room. 

“Hello, Dr. Styles.” 

“Fuck you, Liam,” Harry bites back. There was no use in hoping he’d get a nap in, with talkative Liam. Harry knows his friend will use up the hour he has. He loves the man, but he values his precious sleep a little bit more. 

“Rude,” Liam comments and opens his lunch. The health-nut prepares his food for the week on Sunday, so he never has to worry about what he’s going to eat. Unlike Harry who ends up buying whatever’s at the cafeteria or a quick drive-thru run to McDonald’s. “Anyways, I’ve come here to talk to you.” 

“No shit.” Harry is a little cranky due to the tiredness, clearly. It’s not Liam’s fault for his lack of sleep. A certain soulmate of his is to be blamed. “Look, I’m sorry Liam. I just haven’t gotten sleep and it’s making me angry.”

The ever so understanding Liam ensures Harry to not worry about it. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about the video.”

“Maybe your husband didn’t completely fuck things up.”

“I would have to tell Zayn you said so.”

Harry slaps his arm and points his finger. “Do not say anything to him, Liam. The man has been sending me fruit baskets and booze as an apology for the past week.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Essentially there isn’t really anything to talk about and he tells him as much. “I mean, it was really weird seeing him.”

Harry isn’t telling Liam the entire truth, but it’s difficult to express how painful it was to see Louis for the first time. Being divorced has changed Harry’s life. He has a successful career and well-planned life but he has no partner to live said life with.

He had this entire life planned out with his soulmate, and it all changed the moment Louis walked out of their home. 

The adjustment period after the divorce had not been easy in the slightest. Thankfully, he had Zayn with him and Liam right behind him. Learning to live a life without Louis Tomlinson is something Harry never thought he’d have to do.

So, of course, things were more than weird when seeing the man who changed his world after two years. 

But, this is his best friend, his best man at his wedding. He should be able to tell him anything with completely honestly. 

Liam proves he knows Harry better than most by asking, “Tell me how it really was, Harry. If you’re comfortable with it, of course.” Liam is speaking softly as if Harry is going to snap.

“Would you believe me if I said that experience was harder to go through than breaking up and finalizing the divorce?” 

Harry’s lunch is abandoned on the table. The different doctors and nurses making their way around the room as they ignored the turmoil that is Harry Styles. 

He continues, “I knew it wasn’t supposed to be easy, Liam. Zayn told me as such. But, I never expected to see Louis like that.” 

“Like what?” 

And just like that, Harry’s eyes begin to betray him as they dampen with unshed tears. Liam moves closer to put his arm around him. Harry places his head down on the cold surface of the table. 

Although with his head facing the ground, Harry finally answers Liam. “When I walked into the studio where we were filming, he was talking to Zayn and he was _happy_ , Liam. It wasn’t even bothering him that he was going to see me. He didn’t look nervous at first, he was talking all wildly with his hands like he always did before. It was so cute, but I hated it.” 

Running his fingers through Harry’s hair, Liam then asks, “You said he wasn’t edgy at first. Does that mean he eventually was?” 

“I mean, once we were directed to sit next to each other and start the shit show, yeah. But it just didn’t seem like he was on the brink of tears like I was. It fucking hurt, Liam. He doesn’t miss me like I miss him.” 

Liam pulls him upward after hearing that, “No. Don’t say that. I’m sure he misses you like crazy just as much as you do. He has to. You guys are _soulmates._ No matter the circumstances, you two have this powerful bond that connects you to one another that can’t be broken. 

“He might not be looking like he’s on the brink of tears. I can assure you, he feels it on the inside and is just hiding it much better than you are.” 

In a way, Liam is right – although, Harry’s not willing to admit it out loud to him so he can look pleased, he’ll leave that to Zayn. There is a possibility Louis was just doing a better job at hiding his emotions. 

Harry wonders if it was why it seemed like Louis was holding back on something. Still, there’s no way in actually knowing unless he flat out asked Louis, something he can’t do. 

He decides to tell Liam of their coffee outing after filming. “He agreed to go grab a coffee with me after we finished filming.” 

Abruptly, Liam slams his hands on the table loudly, not only scaring Harry but everyone else in the room. They all send him dirty glares, while he disregards them. “Why didn’t you say so! Harry, that’s big!” 

“That’s what he says.” 

“I will shove this piece of chicken breast in your mouth, I swear, Styles.” 

He has to. “I’m not into breasts, Liam. I like dick.”

** 

Harry just fully accepts the fact that a nap will not be happening for him today. So when he gets word that the beloved, Charlie has come early for her appointment with Liam, he takes the opportunity to pay her a visit. 

Liam works as a pediatric oncologist and came across Charlie’s case way back during his and Harry’s residency. As much as she became Liam’s patient, Harry became her friend and has always had a special place for her in his heart.   

She meant so much to him that she actually was his and Louis’ flower girl for their wedding. 

Harry doesn’t see her often, which can be seen as a good thing because it meant she’s staying healthy. Thankfully she has been cancer-free for five years, so she only comes to the hospital for checkups. Harry always gets eager to see her when he knows she’s around. 

He speed-walks ahead of Liam towards his office, arriving just in time to see her enter the room at the same time. “Charlie, my love.” 

The now almost eighteen-year-old rolls her eyes at Harry’s antics. “Dr. Styles, you’re embarrassing.” 

She only calls him by his professional name when she wants to get on his nerves, or when Harry is being an idiot. Always the latter. 

“Rude.” He closes the door behind him when Liam informs him that he’s going to retrieve Charlie’s files. Harry makes himself at home on Liam’s big boy doctor chair and sends her a smile. “How are you feeling?” 

Her brown eyes light up, her beautiful and healthy black hair sways back and forth from her sudden movement. “Good! I still haven’t been sick, like _sick,_ sick. But that’s boring stuff, so, guess what?” 

Harry leans forward in anticipation. “Oh, my, god, what?” 

Swiftly, Charlies stands, only to lift her shirt slightly and turns to the side so Harry gets a good look. Right in front of him, he sees a good sized anchor tattoo on her ribcage.   

And, there’s a reason for his heightened sentiments, it’s something so incredible to witness. Someone finding their soulmate is one of the absolute best things in life. This step is only the beginning of a journey so pure and exciting if they’re lucky enough. 

Particularly for Charlie, it’s something more because there was a moment in time as a child where she was convinced finding her soulmate would never happen for her. She told Harry countless times as young as seven-years-old: “I’m not going to make it to meet them. They’re not going to find me.” 

Harry would always remind her she would have this moment, she’ll get to see why she was put on this earth. Jesus, he’s so happy he was right. 

“What did I say?” He asks her, making his way to her around the desk. He needs to hug her. “What did I tell you?” 

“That they’ll find me,” she replies weakly, voice thick. “And she did, Harry.” 

He pulls her in coarsely, but not too much to hurt her, wrapping himself around her. He hugs her securely. “I knew it. I told you, you’d be found, and it’ll be beautiful. Finding them is so indescribable, isn’t it?” 

For the sake of Charlie’s exhilaration and delight, Harry buries down his sadness and his personal example of this so-called beautiful thing failing and not working. Even though Charlie is aware of it herself. 

“It’s been four months and I know I’m young, but I love her so much.” 

The only thing heard in the office is their sniffling. Harry’s relieved that Liam seems to be taking his time. 

“Age doesn’t matter,” Harry tells her. “What you’re feeling is real and so valid. Just fucking cherish this, Charlie, don’t take her for granted. Fucking enjoy it, life is going to be amazing with her.” 

Okay, so, Harry’s advice is distinctly coming from his own experience with Louis. But, if he can help someone by advising them to not make the same mistakes he did, he’d do it repeatedly. 

What Charlie mutters on his shoulder can barely be heard, but Harry hears it nonetheless. “Maybe you should take your own advice.”  

**

**April 8 th, 2018.**

It’s odd to Harry that in the two years he and Louis have been separated, they never crossed paths once. Yet, once they reacquainted and settled their past, it takes only a couple months for them to run into each other. 

At first, out of all places, they crossed paths at a baseball game. The Los Angeles Dodgers are playing against the Chicago Cubs and are headed into the fourth inning when Harry sees Louis. 

This isn’t the first time Harry’s been to a baseball game, in fact, Harry has been to plenty because he’s such a huge fan. For his second date with Louis, he took him out to a game – and Louis grew to be a fan as well. 

Still, after the divorce, Harry’s gone to games with this co-workers and friends, and never once bumped into Louis. The stadium is quite large, so it would be difficult to see someone he knew. So for Harry to see Louis in line for a beer, definitely shocks him. 

Immediately, Harry notices the jersey Louis’ wearing. It’s one Harry gave him when his last one was too worn out. Along with the white and royal blue jersey, there’s a Dodgers cap perched on his head. 

After an internal battle, Harry chooses to at least say hello, because he wants to be polite. And, maybe, because he wants to hear the lovely melody that is Louis’ voice. 

And, he misses him. All the time. 

Once he reaches him, Harry apologizes to the other people in line, assuring them he wasn’t cutting. _God forbid_ he gets in the way between people and their alcohol. 

Louis’ back is still turned to him and Harry gently pats his shoulder. He instantly feels sparks but has no choice but to ignore them. “Louis.” 

“Oh, hey! Harry, what a surprise!” 

He looks lovely, Harry notes. Louis manages to pull anything off, but there’s something about him in a baseball jersey. Apparently, Harry has a thing for Louis looking athletic. To add, Harry also notices that his blue eyes stand out with the white of the jersey. To be honest, Harry would much rather stand and stare at his eyes than watch the game. 

“Yeah, I’m actually here with Liam. Fortunately, we both had the night off, so we thought we could catch the game. It’s rare that we’re both off at the same time, so we took advantage of it.” Harry’s rambling, while Louis nods along and scoots forward in line. 

“That’s great. How’s he doing? You’re lucky they’re playing well also,” Louis replies. 

“Same ol’ Liam, he’s been doing well. But, you’re right, I just hope they could get to the World Series again,” Harry groans. 

Louis puts his hand up to stop him from going forward. “Don’t even mention it, Harry. I’m still fragile from the loss.” 

“And you don’t think I am?” He laughs. “From the moment I watched my first Dodger game, my grandparents only talked about the last time they were in the World Series when I was only five before I even became a fan. Imagine how I felt when I finally got to see them back only for them to lose?” 

They’re snickering and joking around when it was finally Louis’ turn for his drink. “Let me get three Coronas please?” 

“I’m sorry, only two alcoholic drinks per person,” the employee apologizes. 

“Oh, one’s for him.” Louis points to Harry, who quickly shoots him down. “This is me paying you back for the coffee.” 

Harry comments how a beer at a Dodger game costs twice as much as his coffee did.  Louis just smirks and motions him away out of the line to hand him the beer. This friendly interaction should be a lot more uncomfortable than Louis is making it be. Perhaps it has to do with the overall environment they’re in. 

“Thank you,” Harry tells him when they find some space. His eyes trail down Louis’ arm where he sees the other half to his own soulmate marking. The dagger stands out strongly in Harry’s eyes. The dark black ink looks smooth and natural on Louis’ skin because it’s meant to be there. Harry knows it’s smooth from the various times he’s felt it beneath his fingertips, lips, and tongue. 

Harry remembers always taking the time to assure Louis that the dagger meant everything to him. Most of the time, when Harry left to go to work or run an errand, he’d give Louis two kisses: one on the lips and one on his marking. 

It aches him knowing that he isn’t allowed to do so. 

Suddenly very loud cheers and clapping surrounds around them, breaking the strain between them. They look towards the field and see that the Dodgers hit a homerun. Everyone is high-fiving each other and giving hugs. 

“Looks like they’ve hit a homerun,” Louis laughs, walking away from Harry to get a better look at the field. Sure enough, a Dodger player is rounding the bases indicating he has, in fact, hit a homerun. 

“I should let you go back to whoever you’re with, so you can enjoy the game and not miss a homerun.” 

Louis waves him off. “You’re fine. Unless you have to get back to Liam?” 

Liam can very well stand alone and make friends with the fans around him, so Harry can spend some more time with Louis. “He can make friends around him.” 

“Asshole,” Louis cackles. Harry smiles widely when seeing the crinkles by Louis’ eyes as he laughs hard. He wishes he could take a picture of him right now to keep. “But my friend and I are in a box actually. Her boss has season tickets but couldn’t come tonight so he gave them to Lauren, and she invited me. There’s enough room for you two if you wanna join us?” 

“Yes.” Harry doesn’t hesitate to answer because he’s desperate and pathetic; a wonderful mixture. He sends a text to Liam of their new seats and follows Louis. 

His original seats with Liam were farther away from home plate, but the box he finds himself in with Louis are right behind it. He’s excited to see the game this close now and be with Louis for hopefully the rest of the game. 

“Louis! You missed the homerun!” a woman with long wavy dark hair notifies him with they sit down. Also dressed in Dodgers attire, Harry assumes she’s also a big fan. He’s glad Louis has someone else to watch the games and be excited about the team with. “Oh hello, I’m Lauren.” 

“Harry,” he tells her, shaking her hand. “I hope you don’t mind me intruding, Louis said it’d be alright if a friend and I tag along.” 

Louis hands her the beer he got for her. “You’re not intruding.” 

“Louis’ right, you’re not. You and your friend, wherever they are, are more than welcomed. Just to warn you, I cheer a lot. I’m a passionate fan.” 

Harry likes her. “I’m right there with you, so don’t even worry about it. You should ask Louis about the time I got us kicked out of Dave & Busters during the playoffs.” 

“Oh, I’ve _got_ to hear this story.” She claps excitedly, her green eyes striking with her big smile. 

“Uh, hi? What story are we talking about?” 

“Liam! My man, how are you?” Louis cheers, grabbing attention from the fans around them with his loudness. Harry just looks on with utter fond and a stupid grin on his face. Louis squeezes past Harry to give Liam a warm hug. 

Louis’ back is to him and Harry can only argue that he is only human. And by being only human, he can’t look away from his ex-husband’s ass. It’s been way, way, _way,_ too long. 

The game keeps going while Louis and Liam take a little moment to talk. Harry can’t help but grin occasionally with hearing Louis talk so joyfully. It appears the fond expression is quite obvious because before he knows it, Lauren scooches next to him and bumps her shoulder to his. 

“You’ve got a stupid grin on your face and it won’t go away,” she tells him nonchalantly.  

Harry acts confused. “Do I? I mean it is a good game going.” 

“And you didn’t look away from Louis’ big ass for what seems like years. Nice try.” 

Again, Harry likes her. “It’s a nice ass.” 

They’re talking so quietly that it’s likely Louis and Liam can’t hear them. They continue to talk amongst each other while simultaneously watching the game. They cheer when the Dodgers make a good play or get a hit; overall it’s a great time. 

Lauren leans to the side to say softly, “I don’t know much about you, to be honest with you. Louis doesn’t speak about you much. But from what I do know is that whatever happened between you two hurt him a lot.” 

As if Harry didn’t feel the same way, he’d argue that he was far worse. Louis couldn’t be as hurt since he felt the need to suggest the divorce. “Me too, you know. It’s been a hard couple years.” 

_“But._ But, I’ve noticed a bit of a change in the past couple months or so.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s just been a little more chipper the days he comes into the office.” 

“Has he said why?” Harry’s too nosy and desperate to know the source of Louis’ sudden change of happiness. 

“Nope. Sorry, pal. But I do want to warn you. If you plan to be his friend again or something, don’t you dare hurt him again. You’re lucky I wasn’t his friend when you guys were married. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.” 

She’s straightforward and unafraid to defend Louis and to be honest, Harry’s quite glad Louis has someone else on his side to be there for him. She seems like a loyal and supportive friend and he deserves that. 

“Thank you for being there for him,” Harry tells her honestly. 

“And fuck you for hurting him, but you’re welcome.” She takes her hand out for a shake, to which he complies. She swings her dark brown hair around to turn to the field and claps her hands some more. And she suddenly remembers: “Wait! Louis, you didn’t tell me about Harry getting you guys kicked out of Dave and Busters!” 

So Louis happily retells the story of Harry drinking way too much while watching the Dodgers in the playoffs. Unluckily, there was a crowd of St. Louis Cardinals fans bravely present to cheer on their own team against the Dodgers and Harry was not having it. 

Every time the Dodgers made a good play, got a hit, or struck out one of the Cardinals players, Harry would be the loudest. And it wasn’t until a big meaty Cardinals fan got to Harry’s face, that things escalated. 

With lots of liquid courage, Harry confidently matched up against Goliath and made the first push and it just goes downhill from there. 

The Dodgers ended up losing the game, but Harry felt like a winner with a new busted lip and a proud smirk as he was escorted out by security. The whole time Louis made sure to follow and flip off the Cardinals fans. 

“Goliath was totally scared of me.” Harry puffs out his chest and finishes off his beer. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “You and your frog face? _Totally.”_

**

_Louis_

**April 11 th, 2018.**

Louis wakes up Wednesday morning with a sore back but with a clear schedule since he turned in his drafts for his client to look over. It’s rare for him to have a free day in the middle of the week, so he plans to do absolutely nothing and just say at home. 

That’s when his phone decides to chime with an incoming message. 

_You’re going to Costco with me because I said so. I’ll pick you up in 10._  

Louis doesn’t have time to register the text before another comes in saying to ‘ _hurry because if not I’ll drag your ass out.’_  

Louis reads over Niall’s text and guesses he has to get ready before Niall arrives and honks the horn repeatedly. He once thought he was the most impatient person, but meeting Niall in college he soon found out he wasn’t.

In no time, Louis is properly dressed in his lazy attire and grabbing the essentials right as the loud honking began from outside. To prevent Niall from continuing to annoying him and his neighbors, he runs outside to jumps in the car. “You can shut up now.” 

Niall backs the car up and lets out a chuckle. “It got you out here quick, didn’t it? If you had it your way, you’d be taking your sweet time. I don’t have the time for that right now, I have to get stuff for the kids before Ben and Amelia shit themselves because we don’t have any more diapers.” 

“Then why go out of your way to have me tag along if you’re in a hurry?” 

They stop at a red light. Niall turns to him and with a serious voice says, “Because you and I need to have a talk.” 

Well, okay then. There could be a bunch of things Niall needs to talk to him about, but Louis doesn’t seem to think of something specific. “And what do we need to discuss, Mr. Horan?” 

“I’m your best friend, right?” 

What an insane question to ask. For close to twenty years, Niall has been Louis’ right-hand man. “Of course you are. Why are you even asking that?” 

“Because I’d feel as your best friend, you’d tell me what’s going on with you.” Louis doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s beyond confused in which direction Niall is going with this. He hopes he hasn’t done anything to hurt his best friend. Hurting Niall is like hurting a puppy. 

Next thing he knows, Niall is pulling into the parking lot and they’re heading into the store. Bypassing the several carts in their way, Niall and Louis end up in the middle of the diaper aisle. Louis whistles, “That’s a lot of diapers.” 

“You have no idea how quick those little pooping rugrats go through each box. It’s insane and it’s hurting my bank account.” 

“If you and Hailee weren’t trying for your very own Brady Bunch-” 

Niall is quick to interrupt him. “It’s not my fault that I have strong swimmers.” 

Louis cringes and hits Niall on the arm. “Shut up, I don’t want to hear about your sperm.” They laugh when seeing they aren’t alone in the aisle and a mother with a young son are walking hastily in the other direction. 

Waiting for Niall to finish his text, Louis chooses a random box of diapers and throws it in the cart. “Who are you texting?” 

“My lady. If we need anything else, I might as well get it now and she’s the one that knows everything going on. I don’t know shit.” It’s hard to miss Niall’s fond smile when talking briefly about his wife. 

Unbelievably, Niall used to be such a playboy in college and for a time after they graduated. He never minded his lack of relationships and just wanted to have fun with whoever came his way. Although happy for Louis when he found Harry at a young age, it wasn’t a priority for him to find his soulmate. 

Then he met Hailee. One look at Hailee and everything changed for Niall and Louis swears he has never seen his best friend happier. 

“Hailee and I talk a lot, you know,” Niall continues, pocketing his phone and facing Louis. “We have great communication and we tell each other everything.” 

Louis steps closer towards Niall. “And what you’re saying is?” 

“She spoke to Lauren, Louis. They are friends, you know that.” 

Suddenly, Louis knows exactly where this is going. It didn’t occur to him that Niall would eventually find out about Louis’ run in with Harry at the Dodger game. He should’ve assumed Lauren would talk to Hailee and she’d drop the news about her outing with Louis and his new pal Harry. 

It’s not like Louis was never going to mention it to Niall. He’s his best friend for crying out loud. He just doesn’t know how to go about it. Although he can tell himself it’s not a big deal, it is. Harry isn’t some random ex that Louis dated for a few months, he was so much more. 

Harry was everything to him.

Of course, it’s still a sore subject to think about. Louis feels that since it was two years ago he has no choice but to move on. He lucked out in the fact that he never ran into to Harry. Although it is easy to never run into someone in a city as big as Los Angeles. 

It’s just a coincidence how they were able to see each other randomly at a baseball game after they were brought together for the _Buzzfeed_ video. Louis just wanted to be a good friend to Zayn, so he agreed to the video not knowing what was to come from it. 

Frankly, he doesn’t know what to make of it which is why he failed to mention it to Niall. Louis just hopes Niall isn’t too upset about it. 

“Now Niall, I can explain,” Louis begins. 

“You can only imagine my reaction when I hear from my dear, lovely soulmate that my best friend hung out at a baseball game with his ex-husband! Who also happens to also be his soulmate!” They’re in luck with being in a Costco, full of loud noises and people, so Niall cannot be heard too loudly with his yelling. 

“Niall, it’s not that big of a deal.” There’s no way in knowing if Louis is trying to convince Niall or himself more. Louis would like to believe that everything is fine, and there’s nothing to look into it. 

They move on from the diaper aisle and continue on. “Nice try in trying to convince me it isn’t a big deal when both of us know that it is. There’s a lot of history that went on between you and Harry, especially with how things ended.” 

“We just watched the Dodger game together and went on our separate ways! Just as friends! It’s not like we were alone at the game, Liam and Lauren were also there.” 

“You know just as much as I do that when being in close proximity with your soulmate, you might as well be alone even with a room full of people,” Niall explains. As annoying as it is for Louis to hear, he can’t disagree with Niall describing being around your soulmate. 

Louis couldn’t avoid it, even if he tried. In a stadium full of at least fifty-thousand people, and in a luxury box with two other people, Louis only saw and felt Harry. No one could possibly matter when near your soulmate. 

It’s something Louis hadn’t felt in years, so needless to say it was pretty overwhelming to experience that sensation once again. At the same time, it could also be dangerous because a person craves it and Louis can’t be craving to be near Harry all the time. He just can’t. 

“I just don’t understand why I had to hear this from _my_ soulmate when you and I tell each other everything.” Louis can’t possibly feel worse. He should’ve told Niall himself, but to be honest, he doesn’t know how to quite explain it. 

“I guess I haven’t had time to process it,” Louis has to admit. “Seeing Harry at _Buzzfeed_ was a lot, but I was expecting it because Zayn gave me a heads up. But seeing him again a few days ago out of nowhere, I had no preparation for it.”

Niall abandons the shopping cart off to the side to wrap his arm around Louis. He rubs his hand up and down Louis’ arm. “I know it wasn’t easy.” 

“It was nice though, seeing him again. It wasn’t awkward and we were comfortably talking with everyone and to each other. It seriously felt like old times when we used to go to the games all the time. But.” 

“But things are different now,” Niall finishes. Things are completely different and that’s what is strange to Louis. Never did he imagine he’d be in this position in his life, divorced from his soulmate. 

Simple things like going to baseball games with Harry were the most fun times in their lives together. They’d hold hands during the game, squeezing when the suspense was killing them, and the Dodgers have a player on base or when the opposing team looks like they’re close to scoring. When the Dodgers would hit a homerun, Harry and Louis would cheer as loud as they could and kiss to celebrate. They cherished those moments the most in their relationship. 

They enjoyed it so much which is why they’d go as often as they could. So it’s bizarre to have watched a game with him once again and not even touch. A new experience with only leaving Louis being confused. 

But, as Niall stated, things are different now. That part of Louis’ life is over and closed now and there’s no need in feeling confused when nothing is going to come from. He and Harry are divorced and living their own separate lives. No need in overthinking it. 

“I just don’t want to ruin things when it seems like us being near each other is manageable now.” The tension between the two of them towards the end of their marriage was very uncomfortable to experience and have someone from the outside witness. Louis remembers times Niall had to push him aside and make sure Louis was alright because he and Harry wouldn’t talk much to each other. 

Louis hates thinking about it, but to know how things were then to how they are now is an improvement. It probably has something to do with them not fully talking about the demise of their marriage. Their marriage ended abruptly without any closure, but it doesn’t seem to matter now. At least Louis hopes so.  

Then remembering they were still in the middle of Costco, Louis goes to grab Niall’s abandoned shopping cart and pushes his friend. “Now go finish your shopping before Ben or Amelia shit themselves.” 

Niall shivers. “God, I can’t let Hailee go through that again. I’m still traumatized from the last time.” 

“And hey, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you about seeing Harry. Even if it’s only been three days since it happened,” Louis apologizes.

“I would appreciate it if I didn’t have to hear these things through the grapevine. It’s what I’m here for, my man.” Niall steers the cart to the alcohol and picks up a couple six-packs of their favorite beer. “We’re gonna need these as well. Who knows what we’re going to see when we get to my place.” 

**

_Harry_

**June 6 th, 2018.**

The next time Harry sees Louis is at a charity gala benefiting childhood cancer and other illnesses for Children’s Hospital Los Angeles _._ It’s a cause near and dear to Liam and him. There are plenty of doctors, current and former patients from various hospitals around, and people who love the cause and charity. 

It's the third year he’s attending, and Harry can never get over how many people care about childhood illnesses and diseases and want to help. It makes him feel good to see that he’s not the only person that wants to help these children who have no control over what their little bodies are doing to them. 

He’s finished donating by participating in the silent auction, betting on a trip to Big Bear where he’ll hopefully have a cabin for a weekend this winter. ‘ 

Liam has walked off with Zayn to get more food, while Harry stays near the bar to grab another drink. All the tables are filled with supporters, many of which he recognizes but doesn’t feel like interacting with. 

He also can’t help but notice how the majority of people are paired off, displaying their wonderful partners and having a grand old time with each other. 

It’s wild how Harry feels so alone in a room full of people. 

It could be his loneliness or the alcohol that made him envision Louis at one of the tables. His hallucination includes Louis hugging Zayn as if he’s expecting him to be there. Louis looks around once Zayn whispers something in his ear and finally halts when he sees Harry. 

There’s a grin present directly at Harry, who, stupidly turns around to see who the smile can be directed to. When he doesn’t see anyone paying attention, he turns back around and is able to catch Louis cackling at him from across the room. 

Harry’s cheeks are flushed exceedingly rosy due to the embarrassment in addition to the alcohol, but he has to push that aside because Louis is coming his way. 

“Don’t embarrass yourself even more, Harry, for the love of God,” he tells himself firmly, slapping his cheek. 

“Hey, watch yourself, Doc. Don’t go hitting yourself,” Louis teases the moment he meets Harry near the bar. Harry waves the bartender down and asks for another Jack and Coke and a beer for Louis. “Maybe you should cool it with the drinks, yeah?” 

“Fuck, I need something to help me get through this,” Harry admits, wishing he didn’t utter the words out loud because he wasn’t talking about the event. 

Louis looks ravishing in his gray suit and Harry’s angry that he isn’t able to fully appreciate it the way he wants to. With the nicely tailored suit, Louis’ hair is in a neatly styled quiff, away from his face to show off those baby blues that Harry fell in love with years ago and every day since then. 

It’s not fair because Harry can’t touch. 

“What can’t you touch?” 

_You._ “My dick.” Harry, what the _fuck._ That wasn’t any better.“Uhh, no. It’s like in an awkward position right now and I can’t adjust myself?” 

He needs to crawl into a hole, six feet under the ground. He specifically told himself to not say anything that would embarrass him and now he’s here completely mortified. Louis is speechless, who wouldn’t be in a situation like this. 

“That sounds like a problem.” 

“I didn’t mean to say that,” Harry tries to convince Louis. He knows there’s no use to fix this discomfort amongst them. When Louis asks him what he really meant, he just shrugs. “Yeah, to be honest, I don’t even know.” 

Instead of looking weirded out like Harry expects Louis to look like, he almost looks fond? It’s an expression Harry’s seen before, plenty of times. It was a long time ago when he saw it last, so he’s confused as to why Louis is looking at him such a way. 

“You still can’t handle your liquor, Harold,” Louis says softly. 

“There’s no point in trying anymore.” He really needs to learn how to shut his mouth because he’s only digging himself deeper the more he speaks. 

When the music gets louder, Harry scooches forward to hear Louis better. But when he drags his chair to get closer, he becomes too close to where they could practically be touching. Harry can smell the cologne coming off of Louis’ skin and it’s so hard to not lean in a bit more forward to get a good smell and kiss on his exposed neck. 

Apparently, his body has a mind of its own as it gravitates even closer to Louis. “Harry.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Please stop.” Louis’ voice is strained, making it obvious that he isn’t comfortable in their predicament and it’s something so odd to Harry. At the end of the day, they’re soulmates. Their bodies are meant to respond the way Harry’s body was heading with Louis accepting it. This vibe is beyond their terrible situation, so by Louis rejecting Harry in a way, is his soulmate denying him. The ultimate pain. 

Without another word, Harry gets up and leaves the room and the event, not even bothering to see Louis’ reaction. 

This agony is beginning to be too much for Harry. But at the same time, despite his drunkenness, he’s going to remember that one fond look Louis gave him. 

There’s a flicker of hope. 

** 

**June 14 th, 2018.**

After his run in with Louis at the charity event and humiliating himself in front of his ex-husband, Harry really attempts to not think about it. 

He’s just finished a five-hour surgery and it’s time for him to go home. This shift has been more than twelve hours it seems like and he just wants to sleep for the rest of the week. 

As he’s organizing his desk, so it isn’t a cluttered mess when he returns in the morning, he sees the envelope delivered to him in the beginning of the week. At the silent auction at the charity event, he won the weekend at the cabin in Big Bear Lake. He’s wondering if it’s a good opportunity to invite his mom and sister, Gemma, or go alone to get a few days to himself, with liquor as his own company. 

However, with liquor as his only guest, Harry also doesn’t see the weekend being any fun. Tolerable, yes. Fun? Probably not. 

Luckily, he still has a few months to think about it and claim an available weekend. 

The nurses say their goodbyes when they see Harry clocking out. With his things filling his hands when another doctor sees him struggling she presses the button for him. “Thanks, Hayley.” 

“Maybe you should bring less stuff to work, Dr. Styles,” she teases, motioning to his massive workbag, lunch bag, and laptop case. “It’s like you bring your entire place here.” 

They step in the elevator when the metal doors open, pressing the ground floor which also happens to be the emergency room unit. 

“You should see my car. This is nothing.” 

Quickly, the doors open once again, revealing the utter chaos that is the emergency room. 

He remembers all the craziness from working down on this level in the hospital. One never knew what they’d get to see, but it sure led to a bunch of interesting stories to tell his friends and family who don’t know what it’s like. 

Once leaving Hayley’s side when she goes the opposite direction, Harry has to adjust the strap of his bag before it falls, and he makes a scene in front of everyone. 

_“Louis, it hurts!”_

He whips his head to the right and to the way the voice is coming from, recognizing the young voice instantly. He can’t be imagining it, but he knows he isn’t when he hears another small one that follows. 

_“Lou, help him! Ernie needs help.”_

_“Doris,”_ Harry breathes out, walking further away from the front automatic doors and near the voices. When he arrives, he sees the familiarity of the fiery red hair owned by the sassiest of Louis’ siblings. Oh, how he missed her.   

Along with being sassy just like her older brother, the little girl is also protective over her twin, Ernest. 

He rushes to a resident, handing his things to her and asks her to do him the favor of taking them back to his office. Then with his hands free, he goes bedside to a crying Ernie, who’s clutching his arm. 

“Louis?” 

_“Harry!”_ Doris yells, Louis cringing away due to the high pitch scream. 

“Doris, indoor voices, please,” Louis begs her, picking her up and placing her on the chair beside the bed. She only ignores her brother and runs to Harry, hugging his legs. 

“Ernie fell, Harry. Help him, please.” Now, just like her older brother, Harry’s a sucker for those baby blues. If she asks him to give her his arm, he’d find an axe and do it in a heartbeat. 

With no active nurse around, Harry walks over to Ernie, there’s wetness in his eyes, his lips in a pout. “May I take a look, Ernie?” 

Louis’ still quiet, observing Harry as he interacts with his youngest siblings. It’s been a long time. 

Trustily, Ernie gives Harry the go-ahead and holds his injured arm out for Harry to take a look at it. Almost immediately, Harry can see it’s swollen around the wrist area. “Louis, what happened?” 

With now Harry giving Louis his attention, Louis becomes frantic when explaining. “Fuck. I mean, _fudge,_ we were playing outside my backyard. And I told him not to climb up the tree. But he didn’t listen and when I yelled at him to get down, it scared him, and he slipped and fell.” 

Louis’ panic is essentially normal for anyone responsible for a child when they get hurt, so Harry knows how to work with them, frantic and hovering behind him. 

“Is it bad?” Louis asks, shushing Doris when she starts talking again. “I didn’t mean to, you know? I was just afraid he was going to hurt himself, but I just made it happen. I’m so stupid.” 

A nurse finally arrives, surprised when she sees Harry. “Oh, Dr. Styles, I didn’t know you’ve taken a shift here.” 

“No Susie, I was just on my way out when I noticed my little pal here.” Harry boops Ernie’s nose, making the boy giggle despite the pain he’s in. “It looks like a broken wrist, but take him to get an x-ray to confirm it, please?” 

“Of course. Ready to go, sweetie?” 

“Can my sister come with me?” 

It appears Louis is about to object to the idea, but Harry stops him and suggests it would be a good idea, so Ernie isn’t completely scared. Doris brings out the brave side of her twin, they’re magnetic together. 

“Have you called your mom?” 

Louis assures that he has and that it would take a while for her to get to the hospital because she’s coming from Long Beach. Harry mentions it to the receptionist in the front desk, who’s ordered to send her to wherever they are. There’s no telling how long it will take to complete the x-rays. 

Dodging the incoming people in the hallway on the way to the radiology room, Harry leads a still concerned Louis until they’re outside the room. When both don’t hear any cries and complaints from either twin, Louis visibly relaxes. 

“Do you want water or something?” Harry asks, only to be turned down. “You know it’s not your fault, right?” 

Louis doesn’t look convinced, having a stare down with the closed x-ray room door. The last time Harry saw him, Louis looked sharp and dressed to certainly impress, and today it’s different in the best way. 

Harry fell in love with Louis like this. Seeing him in the most casual clothing, dressing for comfort more than anything else. It includes a band t-shirt, sweats, and beanie. Harry couldn’t love him any more than he already does. This is his home clothes and it makes Harry easily picture Louis laying on the couch as he watches a baseball game or playing Call of Duty. 

He looks soft, cuddly, and _fuck_ , just so  _stunning_ and Harry wants to tell him. If everything was different, he would have. If he didn’t demean himself a few weeks ago, maybe Harry would have the guts. 

If he didn’t risk the chance of Louis pushing him away and not talking to him if he said how he feels, Harry would make sure he knew. 

If he could, Harry would tell him every day. 

“He got scared because I yelled at him.” 

Right, Harry can’t be thinking about how amazing Louis looks and how much he misses him, he needs to focus on Ernie. “He’s just a kid, Lou. Kids get into mischief all the time and these things happen because of it. Just think about it, he knew he wasn’t supposed to get on that tree, yet he did. But as a result, he gets hurt. I don’t think he’s going to make that mistake again.” 

When he turns to Louis, his face is pale. His eyes are not focused on anything in particular, and he’s very still and clearly lost in his head. Harry waves his hand in front of his face to get his attention. “Did I say something?” 

“You called me Lou,” he whispers, taking in a deep breath. Plenty of people walk by them in the hallway, but they don’t pay them in mind. “It just caught me off guard, I’m sorry.” 

Harry feels like an idiot. It seems like whenever he lets his guard down a bit, doesn’t think about the fact that he’s interacting with his ex-husband, he ends up doing something to make things go sour. 

He immediately apologizes. “I just seem to love fucking things up even more.” 

He leans back against the wall, banging his head gently, he doesn’t want to end up with a concussion. Or maybe he does, he’s not entirely too sure. He’s taking deeper breaths to lower down his heart rate, as it has the tendency to skyrocket whenever Louis is near. 

Indirectly, Harry brings up the “ _charity event incident_ ” as he begins calling it by mentioning him messing things up. He just had to reference Louis’ uncomfortableness when Harry slightly made a move. 

“I wasn’t going to bring that up,” is what Louis says in return. “I was willing to forget about your silly drunken behavior.” 

“I wish I could forget,” Harry mutters. 

“But,” Louis stands before him. “I do want to say thank you? I heard you tell the nurse you were leaving to go home, but you’re still here. Ernie was so scared, but he trusts you and you made it better.” 

To this day Harry considers Ernie, Doris, and the rest of Louis’ sisters as his siblings. There will never be a moment where he won’t love them, protect them, and help them when he’s needed. And when he tells Louis exactly that, Louis could only look at him in disbelief. 

Then, he looks like he wants to say something but eventually refrains and when Harry tries to get him to say it, the door to radiology swings up with a jumpy Ernie and Doris popping out with bright smiles. 

“Achoo! We got lollipops because Ernie stayed very still.” 

Leaving Harry against the wall, Louis kneels down to Ernie’s level and pressed a lingering kiss on his forehead. “I’m proud of you, baba. You’re my strong boy, yeah?” 

“I am, because I learned from you.” 

“Me too!” Doris gets a word in, feeling left out and needing affection from her brothers. 

The scene before him warms Harry’s heart, as it always did. He loves watching Louis with his brother and sisters. He’s such a family man, he would spend all of his free time with them in a heartbeat. Whenever his mom, Jay, and his step-dad, Dan need to get out of the house, Louis’ the first to volunteer to watch over everyone. 

In their apartment before the divorce, it was a common occurrence where a fort would be made in the middle of the living room, so all the kids could sleep together, Louis and Harry included. 

It’s transparent to see how much Louis absolutely adores his family, which made it a lot worse when the divorce happened because they were on their way to having one of their own. 

If Harry could have _one_ more chance, it’d be game over. Game over because he would never make the same mistakes as before. He wouldn’t let his career get in the way of his relationship – his _soulmate_ – because he’d be a priority. He’d change the way he supported Louis and his own endeavors. They are just as valid and extraordinary as Harry’s were and he’d make sure Louis knew. 

“I love you, I love you,” Louis chants to the twins, peppering their little faces with all the kisses. 

Basically, Harry would change everything, because as his soulmate, Louis deserves nothing but the best.

 

** 

**June 29 th, 2018.** 

As the head of his department, many files and cases come across his desk for him to views. As much as Harry wants to help everyone, he can’t take on every single one. It hurts him, to have to hand off cases to other doctors, because even though they are more than qualified and could be trusted, Harry would love to do it himself. 

But he learned not that long ago that he doesn’t have more than two hands, and he can’t take charge of everything. However, when flipping through the several cases in his office, he stops when reading over the file of a little boy by the name of Levi. 

Levi has been diagnosed with Pericarditis, where the tissue around the heart has the tendency to be swollen and irritated. It’s a heart condition that Harry is familiar with and has done a number of operations to help it. But, in this case in particular, in the notes, it’s written that Levi is in a foster home. 

As if the child has it rough already by being a foster child, he’s only three-years-old and with a difficult heart condition that’s requiring surgery. By the time Harry finishes Levi’s file, he’s compelled to do the surgery and help this little boy. 

He immediately makes a note to have this appointment made, which ends up being the following day. Tabitha, Levi’s current foster parent, is present when Harry enters the room and before he gets a look at Levi, he overlooks his clipboard quick and turns to the little boy. 

He pauses when he gets a good look at the child, because _holy shit._  

Trying not to choke up, Harry swallows the lump in his throat and puts up his professional demeanor. “Mr. Levi, how are you doing?” 

The little boy’s big blue eyes show off the fear towards Harry, who’s a mere stranger to the toddler. He crawls his way to his foster mother, sticking his thumb into his mouth. The similarity of his crystal blue eyes and chestnut-colored downy hair are uncanny to say the least and Harry refuses to show how affected he is by the looks of him. 

In his lifetime with Louis, Harry’s seen hundreds of baby pictures shown by Louis’ mom, Jay. The wonderful woman documented every moment of Louis’ life and Harry’s pretty much seen it all. With that being said, he knows for a fact how his ex-husband looked like as a three-year-old and he feels he’s looking at a replica in this hospital room. 

Harry knows this child, Levi, is not one of Louis’, he _knows._ However, he can’t help but wonder _what if_ he were. It gives him a glimpse into a theoretical future where he and Louis have a child of their own that have their looks and personalities. 

It’s where their lives were headed before Harry let his career get in the way of their marriage and everything. This was meant to be the next step, having children. Whether it came from a surrogate or adoption, he and Louis were ready to become parents.

Levi looks like a child that could be Louis’, and that fact pains Harry. He should be a father alongside Louis right this moment but by his own selfishness, he stopped it from happening.  

But, of course, it can still happen. 

Louis can be a father of a child, but in this certain predicament, it wouldn’t be with Harry. 

And just like that, a spark has lit up in him. Because he doesn’t want to live in a life where he doesn’t have a family with Louis Tomlinson. 

Life isn’t complete without having Louis by his side.


	4. Four

After a talk with Levi’s foster mother, he sends her and the toddler on their way. But at the last second, he goes after them quietly because Levi has fallen asleep in her arms. 

“Tabitha,” Harry whispers, tapping her shoulder. She turns, looking down on the toddler to make sure he isn’t disturbed and asks what is wrong. “Nothing’s wrong, sorry. But I had to ask.” 

“Ask what?” 

Harry’s having difficulty getting the words out. “Levi? Does, he? I mean, are you?” 

Tabitha politely stops him, placing her hand on his arm. She chuckles. “Breathe, there you go. Now, what are you wondering?” 

“Does Levi have a good chance at getting adopted? I mean, I can assume, but.” 

“Most families don’t want to take on the responsibility of a child with a heart condition,” Tabitha says truthfully. “I was the only foster parent that child services were able to find that was willing to take him in.” 

The thought breaks Harry’s heart and makes him want to scream in anger at the same time. It is not Levi’s fault that he has a heart condition. This little boy had a serious health condition and to top it off no one is stepping up to bat for him. 

At this point, he has no one and he desperately needs someone to love and care for him. He needs someone to fight for him so he can continue to fight as well. 

Harry unexpectedly has an idea, but he has to fix some things first in order to get that ball rolling. 

**

 _Louis_

**July 1 st, 2018.**

There are two reasons why Louis isn’t too fond of birthdays: it means he turns another year older and if he gets older, so do his siblings. 

His little sister Fizzy is turning twenty-six next month. Since she is leaving to go travel to Asia in two weeks and will be away for her actual birthday, the family and her friends have decided to celebrate early and throw a going away/birthday party. 

Ernie and Doris run through the house, their little exciting screams filling up the house in the warmest ways. His mom and Dan, along with his grandparents are talking amongst themselves at the dinner table. 

Sometimes he finds himself being surprised with still hearing children screaming in his home. He, as did everyone else in the family, thought his mother was done having children after Daisy and Phoebe. But when she married Dan, not that long after did she announced she was pregnant with twins once again. A wonderful surprise and Louis was ecstatic to finally have a brother when only being surrounded by women for most of his life.  

After Louis finishes cleaning the kitchen he joins them at the table. He sees both Lottie and Fizzy fitting themselves in between their grandparents. Daisy and Phoebe are off handling the younger twins once Fizzy’s friends left. 

Everyone is laughing around the table when Louis seats himself. “I hope you aren’t laughing about me now.” 

“Not everything is about you, Lou,” his mom jokes, making everyone else chuckle at him. In return, he sticks his tongue out at her. 

“I’m always the center of attention, mom. You know that already, have known for thirty-six years now.” Around the table, they all nodded in agreement. There was no arguing with that fact; if Louis Tomlinson is in the room, he can easily grab everyone’s attention. 

Louis notices the only one not really laughing along is Lottie and he doesn’t know what’s going on with her. She hasn’t looked at him throughout the whole day, especially when he tried to talk to her earlier. 

This isn’t like Lottie. Louis and his sister have a great relationship that people would be envious of. Although they are six to seven years apart in age, they are so close and always have been since the day she was born. She is Louis’ first sibling, and he loves her fiercely. It hurts that she is avoiding him. 

“Are you excited about your trip, Fizzy?” Louis distracts himself by asking his other sister. 

Her clear eyes light up with the question and off she is rambling about her excitement and plans on where to visit and experience during her time. Even though he asked Fizzy the question, Louis couldn’t quite pay attention to her since his focus is on Lottie. 

It’s so out of character for her, he’s dying to know what is wrong and if it’s something he has done. Louis doesn’t know whether to take her aside and directly ask her or see if his mom knows anything about it. Lottie tells Jay absolutely everything, so she would have to know. 

The opportunity arises when Jay heads into the kitchen to get a refill of everyone’s drinks. Louis jumps up front his seat and goes to join her, side-eyeing Lottie but also seeing her not meeting his gaze. 

“Mom?” Louis takes out the wine to hand to her.  

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

“Is it me, or is Lottie acting weird today?” 

It’s brief, but Louis can see Jay tense before covering it up and relaxing her shoulders to pour the wine into each glass. “What do you mean? She seems fine to me?” When she looks up, Louis gives her a look as if to say _‘really?’_

“She’s been quiet throughout the whole party and can barely look at me in the eyes!” Jay motions Louis to lower his voice so no one can hear them from behind the kitchen door. “I mean, I know I’ve been out of touch a bit lately with everyone. But I’ve just had a lot of work to do so I’ve been busy. I didn’t know she would take it personally. Are you hurt with me too, mom?” 

“No, no, no, sweetheart.” She goes around the counter to wrap her arms around him and give him a squeeze. “We know you’re busy. But that’s not it.” 

As expected, she knew what was going on. Why not tell him so he can figure out a way to fix things. “What did I do?” 

“You didn’t do anything, Lou.” When Louis asks her what it was then, she answers, “You have to go ask her for yourself. I’m sorry.” 

He guesses they were taking too long because Fizzy enters the kitchen to ask them what was taking so long. “Why you two chitchatting alone when we’re doing so out there?” 

“What’s going on with Lottie, Fiz?” And just like his mom, his sister tenses up shortly. She knows as well. Is he the only person that doesn’t know what’s happening with Lottie? “How come you two know and I don’t? What are you keeping from me?” 

“I…I don’t know, Lou,” Fizzy stutters. 

“You do know! Mom knows! And probably everyone out there knows. And for some reason, I’m out of the loop. And I’m sure it has to do with me because she won’t even look at me.” 

His mom’s house is relatively big in comparison to most houses. However the walls are thin, and any raised voices could almost easily be heard. Which is the case for Louis, because, within a few seconds, Lottie is busting in the kitchen since it’s her name that is being thrown around. 

“Why do I keep hearing my name? We can all hear you, you know.” Lottie turns to Louis and for the first time, their eyes are locked. 

Most days it’s hard to believe he is close to hitting forty-years-old, but whenever he takes a good look at his sisters and brother, Louis is really overwhelmed with how grown up they have become. 

When they were growing up, Lottie always had owned her creative personality. She experimented with makeup where she would try various colorful looks. More often than not Louis would tease her about looking like a clown, but at the end of the day, he was supportive in her form of expression. 

It’s when she turned sixteen when Jay allowed her to start dying her hair. Every color in the rainbow has eventually ended up as Lottie’s hair color. It was fascinating to guess which color Louis would see next when visiting her. It’s been a few years since she’s changed her hair, opting for a more casual ashy blonde. 

She’s a legit woman now and has been for years now, but sometimes Louis can’t seem to grasp that. 

“I’ve been here for hours and this is the first time you’re actually looking at me today,” Louis points out. They stand on opposite sides of the counter quietly; Jay and Fizzy have long gone to give them some privacy. There’s nothing for Louis to start with, this is all on Lottie. Whatever she has going on that is somehow including Louis, she has to ease into it herself. 

Louis isn’t going to leave any time soon, so he takes a sip of his wine and patiently waits. 

While it’s dead silent in the kitchen, outside the door is very much lively. Not at all concerned with the thick tension roaming on the other side of the wall. Louis eventually huffs, gathering his glass and a couple cookies and stepping towards the door. 

By the time Louis is going to push the door open, he suddenly hears a quiet, “Wait.” 

Turning to his sister, he simply raises a brow. “What, Lottie?” 

Her demeanor changes. While once looking annoyed with Louis’ stubbornness, she now appears nervous? Sure, he’s upset himself. No one is bothering to talk to him about anything that clearly involves him but seeing his little sister timid like this isn’t acceptable either. No way should she ever be this nervous to tell him anything. 

He takes a step towards her slowly and whispers, “Hey, Lotts, what’s wrong?” 

Letting out a breath, she faces the ceiling for a second before looking back down. “Nothing is technically wrong. The complete opposite actually.”

“Then why have you been acting all weird? You’re making me feel like I did something to you.” 

“I just don’t know how you’re going to react, and I don’t want to see you sad Louis. I can’t see you sad again,” Lottie begins with. Before he can get a word in, she continues, “I know how much you wanted this and you were going to start the process and it hurt you so much when you had to stop. I’ve never seen you cry so much, and I just don’t want to spark anything and-” 

Needing to stop her rambling, he shouts, “Lottie, just let it out!” 

“Louis, I’m pregnant.” 

He leans back, his eyes widen to the size of saucers as fully understanding the words coming out of Lottie’s mouth. 

Separating from your soulmate almost breaks a person. The following days without so much as a touch or communication with Harry after they finalized their divorce were terrible. On top of that, Louis’ plan of finally starting a family with his soulmate came into a halt. 

There is nothing Louis wants more than having a child of his own. From a young age, he watched his mom master all seven of her children with always warmest of smiles on her face. Each one of his siblings – including himself – have unique relationships with her that give them the confidence to trust her with anything. 

It’s all Louis wants for himself and has wanted his whole life. Children to raise himself to teach them about the world and build a relationship in which they could trust him with anything. 

Two years ago, exhilaration filled him when Harry agreed to start their family. Louis was finally getting what he always looked forward to. Although the time frame between starting the adoption process to actually adopting a child was unknown, it was enough for him to get emotional about. 

Suddenly, it’s as if someone snapped their fingers and everything was gone. Not only was his marriage to his soulmate gone but gone was his dream of having a child with said soulmate. 

And that alone crushed Louis. 

Hence why his family was anxious in telling him about Lottie’s pregnancy. Because it was just assumed Louis would be the first out of Jay’s children to make her a grandmother. If Louis had it his way, he and Harry would have had a child a year into their relationship. 

Obviously, it didn’t turn out that way and here he is with his little sister practically trembling with nerves because there’s no way in knowing how Louis would react to this news. 

She doesn’t deserve to feel this way because this is amazing news. 

Lottie is going to be a _mom,_ which means Louis is now going to be an _uncle._ It’s bittersweet, sure, but most importantly, he can’t be happier for her. 

“You were that scared to tell me?” Louis continues to speak lowly, unable to raise his voice with his throat feeling like closing up. 

Tears begin to fill Lottie’s blue eyes as she bits her lip. “I…I just know how much you want a baby, Lou.” 

“And I will have one, one day. Don’t worry about me and be happy. This is a _good_ thing, an  _amazing_ thing. That little thing is going to be spoiled with all her aunts and uncles.” 

“And don’t forget about its grandparents.” 

Louis belts out a loud laugh. “Oh, mom is going to go _nuts.”_  

Lottie still appears a bit cautious, so he reassures her that he’s good with a big, warm embrace. “I’m so happy for you, Lottie. You’re going to be an amazing mom. And I’m sorry you felt scared to tell me. You shouldn’t have.” 

“I didn’t want to see you sad again. It broke my heart.” 

Yeah, it broke his too. 

A couple hours pass when almost everyone is either headed to bed or left to their own homes. Louis opted to stay because he didn’t want to deal with the drive back. With all rooms filled up, he has no choice but makes home on the couch for the night, hoping his body won’t be affected in the morning. 

Thankfully, his mom provided him with a couple of warm blankets and pillows to keep him comfortable throughout the night. He’s laying out the blankets when she walks back in. “I found some of your old clothes you’ve left before. Thought it might be better than in your normal clothes.” 

“Thanks, mom.” Louis smiles lazily and kisses her on the cheek. He sees her sit and joins her, letting out a sigh. “What a day, huh?” 

Louis’ eyes sleepily blink, so he leans his head on his mom’s shoulder. She only welcomes him and wrapping her arm around him and drags him closer to her. He can easily smell her rosy scented perfume. “I’ll say.” 

“When did she tell you?” 

“Her and Nate told us last week.” 

Louis bites his bottom lip so hard that he could feel his eyes water. He hoped he could keep himself collected because this isn’t about him. This pregnancy has nothing to do with Louis; this is about Lottie and this new chapter in her and her soulmate’s lives. 

But fuck, he can’t help but remember telling his and Harry’s family that they were going to start the adoption process. Everyone had been so overjoyed for them, it made everything much more exciting. 

“You’ll have this moment one day, Louis,” Jay says softly to her son when she sees him. “Just because you don’t have your soulmate, doesn’t mean you still can’t have a family and all the children in the world.” 

That’s not it though. It can’t possibly be enough. 

He feels pathetic. Almost forty-years-old and Louis’ trying not to sob in his mother’s arms. “I know I can have that, mom. _I know.”_  

“But?”

“We were so close,” Louis faintly cries into her shoulder. His words are muffled as he talks. “Harry and I would have been amazing parents. Our children would have been so spoiled and  _so_ loved. I’ve pictured so many times coming here and announcing with him happily that we’re bringing in a child. I imagined you and Anne jumping with joy and everyone else tackling us. 

“I’ve imagined bring them here and you guys meeting them and instantly making them feel loved and part of the family. Harry and I come from amazing families and it would have been fucking incredible to add to that. ” 

Jay comforts him and allows Louis to let it out. “Oh, baby, you can’t dwell in the what would have happened. Things changed and you move forward. And you have taken that step forward, that’s good.” 

Louis doesn’t really want to talk about that right now. It isn’t even in his mind. “I know.” 

“You’re at a time where you can still have a family with a partner. It’s never too late for that. Look at me.” 

His mom has gone through trial and error until she got it right with Dan. And she’s so happy, Louis sees and hears it every day. 

“It may not be with the person you were destined with, but it’s okay. There are others that could love you so much.” She squeezes him, giving him a kiss on his forehead. It reminds Louis to have her comforting him as a little boy. “You’re going to be the best daddy to amazing children, I just know it. And you’ll have an amazing partner to be by your side.” 

Thinking back to the past few months, his head has been spinning like crazy with how often he’s been spending his time with Harry. What began as perhaps a mere coincidence at the Dodger game later became odd with how frequent they’ve run into each other. 

Of course, it can mean nothing, but _maybe,_ it’s something. Having Harry as a consistent part of his life has messed with him and he doesn’t know what to make of it. 

With Lottie’s big news now about adding a new addition to the family, Louis can’t stop thinking about that possibility for him. 

The thing is, he can’t see any of that without Harry right next to him. 

That scares him. 

**

 _Harry_  

 **July 3 rd, 2018. **

Now that Harry knows he wants Louis back in his life and is willing to do whatever it takes to at least start things over between the two of them, he has to make some changes. 

These changes would be proof to Louis that he is serious about getting a second chance. He isn’t going to be making the same mistake twice; he can’t afford to lose his soulmate again. 

But, he can’t get ahead of himself, first, he needs Louis to see he deserves a second chance. In order to do so, he needs to talk to the chief of staff, Dr. Nicks. 

It’s not like Harry hasn’t talked to Stevie Nicks before. Being one of the department heads, he has to attend the regular meetings with Dr. Nicks. In addition, it was her who promoted Harry into the head of the department, believing he had the talent and drive to take on the responsibility and be a great surgeon. 

That’s why he’s nervous walking to the chief’s office. Harry’s very grateful for the opportunity to be in charge of his department; he’s not only learned a lot under all the pressure, but he’s also connected with so many families and children who have made their way into a special place in his heart. 

With that, it’s a hard request to step down from being in charge of cardiology because it was offered by Dr. Nicks. 

He knocks on the door of the office and waits to be called in. Once he is, Harry takes a deep breath and steps in. Dr. Stevie Nicks is sat, surprised when Harry steps in the room. She smiles warmly. “Hello, Dr. Styles. What can I do for you?” 

“I was hoping to talk to you, if you have a moment, of course.” 

“Sure, sure, no problem,” Dr. Nicks says, closing the file in her hands, turning off the desktop screen of her computer to give Harry her attention. “Is everything alright?” 

Harry has to be honest. “Not really, Dr. Nicks.” 

Sensing the seriousness in Harry’s tone, she says, “Listen, stop with the professional title bullshit, I’m Stevie right now. Tell me what’s going on.” 

The thing is, Harry loves his job. He feels lucky every day to be in the career he’s always wanted to be in since he was little. He’s been so proud of himself for achieving his goal that it pains him to know that it’s caused him so much grief. He knows it ruined his marriage so in order to fix it he needs to step down. 

It’s one thing knowing the problem and then having to admit to it out loud. 

“I love this hospital,” Harry first says, needing to get that point across and out of the way. “I love what I do, it’s everything I ever hoped for.” 

“Then what seems to be the problem?” Stevie asks, confused. 

The list is too long. But primarily, “It has taken over a lot.” 

The coldness of the room mixed with his overall nerves causes goosebumps to run along Harry’s arms. His lips are also dry and in desperate need of lip balm, so he licks them to temporarily ease the dryness. He continues, “Being the head of cardiology has taken so much of my time. It’s overtaken my life.” 

Stevie nods along, listening intensively to Harry. “I know what it’s like, Harry. It’s hard to have an outside life because this is so demanding.” 

Harry doesn’t mean to get sentimental about this, it seems like it’s all he ever does. But he has to get his shit together, he has to fix this if he wants to be completely happy again. 

“I lost my soulmate to this,” he admits, not knowing if she knew or not. There wouldn’t be a reason for her to know, it’s his personal business and not work-related. “I spent so much time here, making sure everything was running smoothly while doing my surgeries and taking care of my own patients, but it got in the way. 

“It got in the way of my relationship with my soulmate and he walked out.” 

Stevie clears her throat, “Harry, he walked out though. He couldn’t handle it.” 

“But I _let_ him, Stevie. I refused to fix things and make time for him. I had to learn how to balance everything and I didn’t. I just expected him to always be there, and he was until he couldn’t anymore.” 

“So, what are you saying?” 

“If I have any chance of regaining what I once had with him, I need to make some changes. The first has to be to step down as head of cardiology.” 

As Harry utters the words out loud, the goosebumps don’t go away, and he shivers with nerves. He checks the time, knowing he’s due in the operating room soon for surgery, so he needs to hurry. 

“I’ve appreciated you trusting me with this position, it means the world to me. But, I need to do this right now,” Harry finishes with his request. 

He can see a hint of disappointment in Stevie’s eyes. As much as he feels a bit disappointed as well, the relief in knowing he’s making a change to help him overpowers that emotion. It’s a complete risk, and Harry is fully aware of it because Louis still might not want him back, but it’s a risk Harry’s willing to take. 

“That’s a shame, to be honest with you,” Stevie finally speaks up. She pushes her long golden blonde hair behind her back. “You’ve done great things for the cardiology department. People on the board were hesitant when I brought it up because of your young age. But I was right to trust you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You’ve brought on a lot of positive attention to the hospital, which we also appreciate. I’ve gotten lots of calls from hospitals across the country asking for you.”

This isn’t news to Harry, he receives plenty of calls and emails himself from other cardiology departments. None really interested him, with the only exception being the program in Costa Rica. He’s comfortable where he’s at. This hospital has been Harry’s home for the last several years, so going elsewhere seems ludicrous to him. 

It’s what Dr. Stevie Nicks says next, throws him off. 

“While you’re here, I think it’s time to let you know of the phone call I received a couple days ago. And I know you’ve requested to step down to have less of a workload, but you should know.” 

“Know what?” This slow build up is killing Harry, but he can’t very well tell his boss to hurry the fuck up. 

“I find it very respectful when other doctors and board representatives call me personally about my doctors and surgeons if they’re seeking one for their own department.” 

“That’s understandable,” he says, almost using an impatient tone, but he’s refusing to show it. 

“I got a call from Boston Children’s Hospital.” 

 _Fuck._ Boston Children’s Hospital is one of, if not the _best_ children’s hospitals in the country. It’s had a high amount of success in pediatric cardiology and heart surgeries; Harry would know, he’s read numerous research studies from the hospital. His stomach turns with the mere idea of where this conversation is going. 

“They called me about you.” 

Harry taps his fingers on the desk, his legs both shaking. “Is that so?” 

“They’re looking for a chief of staff since Dr. Williams has decided to retire. So they called me to ask what my view is with the possibility of you having his position.” 

And, this. This is _huge._ This opportunity is the best in his profession, in his opinion. An achievement not given to many, and surprisingly it can be Harry’s reality if he’s willing to take it. 

The position hasn’t been officially offered yet, so fortunately for Harry, he doesn’t have to give an answer. 

Speechless, and taken aback, Harry leans against the back of the chair he’s sat on. He tilts his head up until he’s looking at the ceiling, trying to wrap his head around this prospect that is apparently bound to take place. 

This comes at quite possibly the worst time for him. Harry just requested to step down from his current time demanding position and is then presented with the chance of an even higher position in one of the best children’s hospitals in the United States. 

“I have a surgery to do in ten minutes,” Harry tells her, standing up and proceeding to leave the room. 

When his hand is on the doorknob, Stevie calls for him. “Dr. Styles.” Harry turns, waiting for her next words. “My advice? Think wisely. I know what’s it’s like to have your career take over your life. It happens to the successful. We are just so passionate about this that we want to do everything we can, and it comes with consequences. But you’re smart. You’re already one step in the right direction by acknowledging the problem. So, I’ll grant your wish to not be head of cardiology. But think about the offer.” 

** 

Harry finishes his surgery and can finally clock out when Liam comes bursting in the office. 

“Are you heading out soon?” his friend asks, fixing the hem of his sweatshirt. Gone is his professional look consisting of suit pants and button-ups, topped with a tie. Now, he’s dressed ready to head somewhere fancy. Perhaps he has a hot date with Zayn, they’re into having a date night a couple times a week. 

Harry should’ve learned from them; he and Louis definitely didn’t establish a night to themselves. 

Back to Liam, Harry answers, “Yeah, I’m clocking out in a minute.” 

“Where are you going after?” 

The same as he’s been doing every night unless he is in a mood. “I’m going home, bro.” 

“Wrong. You’re going out with me and Zayn. So put on your best clothes in your closet you have here and get ready.” 

Instead of accompanying Liam and Zayn – essentially being their third wheel – Harry was hoping to have a greasy box of meat lover’s pizza with the side of a six-pack of Modelo. It wouldn’t be the first time Harry has third wheeled before, however, they were mistaken of being in a throuple by a bartender. Needless to say, Harry refused to go out with them the last couple times they’ve asked. 

Ultimately, Liam just has to present him with his widened brown eyes and pouty lips, and Harry begrudgingly compiles. But when he voices how he doesn’t have any appropriate clothing because he took the ones he had in his office home, Liam simply replies, “Just unbutton your shirt like you always do.” 

Within the next hour, Harry finds himself at Clifton’s Republic in Downtown Los Angeles. It’s been some time since Harry’s been in the three-storied decked out venue. The establishment is unique in the sense that each level has a different theme to fix anyone’s needs. 

The layout is different for each level, as well as the music and drinks. The themes are well thought out which brings out all kinds of people. 

Immediately walking in the place, Harry’s eyes have to adjust to the low-lit lighting that the room holds. The energy is very easy-going, and it’s contagious to see various smiles and laughs, people dancing and having a good time. Harry doesn’t completely hate the idea of coming anymore. 

He and Liam see Zayn at the bar at the lowest level, pushing himself closer to the bartender on the other side of the bar so he can talk clearly to order their drinks. 

Smoothly, Liam strides his way to crowd his husband behind his back, wrapping his arms around him and placing a kiss on Zayn’s cheek. 

It’s disgusting, but Harry’s still happy for them. 

It took what seems a decade for the two to end up together. Both were quite apprehensive because the reality is, they’re not soulmates. 

A tragic story ending in ultimate happiness to two deserving people. Liam’s soulmate, Amber, sadly passed away after getting hit by a drunk driver. At the time, Zayn and Liam weren’t close as friends; Liam only joined Harry occasionally when he and Louis went out with Zayn because Zayn didn’t want to be the third wheel. 

Oh, how the tables have turned. 

When everyone received the news of Amber’s death, it came as a shock to see Zayn being the one to take care of Liam. The death of your soulmate is one of the most painful things anyone has to experience. 

If two soulmates have not met, and one of them passes away, the other doesn’t feel it. The one alive will just live on without ever finding them, unaware of what happened to their other half. It’s a whole other ball game if soulmates have met, gotten their marks, and bonded. 

The years following the accident were extremely difficult for Liam to handle. Harry had considered her a great friend also, her and Liam met and bonded before Harry and Liam partnered up during their residency. She fit in their friend group, and it was a heartbreaking loss, but it didn’t compare to how Liam felt. 

Zayn, on the other hand, doesn’t have a unique story with his soulmate. To put it simply, he’s never met them. In his thirty-six years of living, he hasn’t come across them and he isn’t looking. At least not anymore. It was never a priority for him or held any significance. He consistently argued that he’d be missing out on someone truly special if he waited for his soulmate. 

So, when Liam lost Amber, Zayn stepped up as a friend and stuck by his side. There was no doubt Zayn was in love with him, everyone outside saw it, maybe Liam did as well but just didn’t say anything at first. 

After a lot of back and forth, Liam not trusting himself to move on because he felt he was betraying Amber in a way by accepting someone else in his heart, they managed to confess their love to each other. 

Despite Liam’s loss, he and Zayn are the happiest Harry’s ever seen them. Even though their relationship is unconventional, they’ve looked past it and just focus on themselves.   

It’s crazy for Harry to think that he introduced them all those years ago, and they’re soulmates in their own way. Because they might as well be. 

Harry’s content in knowing the people he cares about are in a good place. 

He lets them have a couple minutes to themselves, so they can catch up on their day before making his presence known. Harry eventually goes up to them, clapping them on the backs. “What up, fuckers?” 

“Nothing, bitch, how about you?” Zayn fires back, shrugging Harry’s hand off of him. “Don’t call my Liam a fucker by the way.” 

“Touchy.” 

He takes Zayn’s Jack and Coke from his hand and downs what’s left of the glass. He welcomes the burning feeling down his throat as he bobs his head to the music. They’re on the main floor, where it’s more of a restaurant than an actual club or bar like the other floors. 

Harry isn’t hungry just yet since it wasn’t that long ago since he ate dinner, so he suggests heading up to the third level club to Liam and Zayn. 

“Yeah, we can. We just have to wait for someone.” 

Here Harry thought he is third wheeling, so he isn’t expecting one of Zayn’s friends to tag along. He’s worried if this is some evil trick to set him up with someone. Because if that’s the case, Harry is ready to leave this second. 

The more he ponders on it, the more furious he becomes. He’s too old for this. It’s like middle school when Zayn stole his cell phone to text a boy a grade above them that had a crush on Harry. He claimed that Harry needed to gain experience for when he finally meets his soulmate, so 8thgrader, Mitch Rowland apparently was supposed to do the trick. 

It didn’t happen. 

 _Unbelievable_. It’s inappropriate for them to meddle in his love life, why can’t they just leave it alone for Harry to do something about it.

For the past year, they’ve both been mentioning that he start dating again. Harry’s quick to turn them down, but it never stopped them from occasionally bringing it up to him. So, it comes to no surprise that this was their plan all along, and Harry doesn’t like it one bit. 

“I don’t appreciate you trying to meddle in and setting me up, assholes,” Harry snaps, unlocking his phone to get to the Lyft app since he rode with Liam. “I don’t need you to interfere in my love life. I can deal with it myself thanks.” 

Harry’s too angry to look at the perplexed looks on Liam and Zayn’s faces. He’s ordering the Lyft when Liam finally says, “We aren’t setting you up, Harry. Calm down, please.” 

“Then what are you trying to do?” Harry questions, squinting his eyes to get a better look at Liam under the low lighting. 

“I didn’t even know Zayn invited someone else,” Liam defends himself, turning to Zayn who looks a bit guilty. “What did you do?” 

“I’m not setting you up, I swear. I just wanted him to hang out with us like old times.” 

He doesn’t like the sound of this; he’s ready to take one step towards the door when Harry hears him. 

“Hey fellas, sorry I’m late.” 

 _Louis._  

Harry demands a whiskey sour. 

The thing is, Harry hasn’t seen Louis since helping Ernie at the hospital with his broken wrist. Since then, he’s come to the realization of working hard for a second chance at a relationship with Louis. He’s just made the first step earlier today by stepping back from the very position that had a huge hand in their divorce. 

While Louis stands in front of him looking delectable in tight black pants and a loose white see-through V-neck, Harry wants to express his thoughts right then and there. He wants to show him the proof that he’s making changes. Even in the low-lit room, Louis manages to shine brightly in Harry’s eyes. 

Right before his undeserving eyes is an open opportunity to fix and mend the hole in his heart under his chest. It’s pretty convenient, to say the least, to have Louis here hanging out with him, Liam, and Zayn as he’s starting to make changes. He has to take this moment; Harry can’t possibly wait any longer. 

He’s aware it’s not going to happen immediately if Louis is even willing to give him a second chance. Harry knows there’s a possibility he’ll be turned down. And while the thought hurts like hell, Louis’ worth the try. An apology along with a promise will not be a strong enough argument for Louis, it’s Harry’s changed behavior that he hopes does the trick. 

Initially, he’s upset with Zayn from catching him off guard without a head’s up. If Harry knew about Louis’ invitation, he’d better prepare himself instead of being wide-eyed and opened mouth ready to catch some flies.  

It’s not until Louis addresses the trio again, that Harry is able to focus. “Is there something wrong?” 

 _God,_ just the mere tone of Louis’ voice melts Harry’s insides and honestly, he doesn’t know what he did to have this man put on this earth as his soulmate. 

“There’s nothing necessarily wrong,” Liam tries to ease things. “It’s just.” 

“I didn’t tell them I invited you,” Zayn interrupts his husband to tell Louis the truth. “I didn’t mention anything, so they are caught off guard that you’re here.” 

Louis is perplexed. “Is it wrong that I am here? Should I leave?” 

Guilt fills Harry with the small trace of offensiveness on Louis’ face. This is all his doing. If he didn’t fuck things up with Louis then their friendship circle wouldn’t have been negatively affected by it. These group outings were a common thing, almost every other week or so, along with their friend Niall. 

The five of them hit up different restaurants, clubs, and bars to catch up on their lives. Liam and Zayn had become just as close to Louis as they were to Harry first, but they pulled back when the divorce happened.

Obviously, Harry assumes they spend time with each other without him, but this is the first time that it’s been them as a group with him included. 

“I can just tell Niall to head somewhere else with me if it’ll make you all more comfortable. I didn’t mean to intrude,” Louis proposes, getting his phone out, assumingly to text Niall. 

Come to think of it, Harry hasn’t seen Niall either in more than a year. 

 _What the actual fuck did he do?_

“No,” Harry blurts out. “I just didn’t know, but you and Niall are more than welcomed. I miss him.” 

Louis turns to him and gives him a sad smile. “He misses you too. He’s actually excited to see you.” 

Harry wants to apologize for distancing himself from Niall and breaking up their friend group, but he keeps his mouth shut because that’s when he sees him at the front. Happiness floods him and he gently pushes Zayn to the side to go to him. 

Niall and Louis met in college at San Diego State and made the move to Los Angeles when they graduated. Harry’s so glad he met Niall because he has never met someone so funny, easy-going, and _nice_ in his entire life. The man with the deep Irish roots is one of a kind, and Harry has been stupid enough to push himself away from him. 

“Niall!” 

“Dr. Harry fucking Styles!” the man cheers, practically jumping up into Harry’s arms. Harry can’t help but feel giddy and swing him around, careful not to overdo it because his back will not like him later on. “Alright put me down, you oversized dog. I’m too old for you to swing me around like a fucking child.” 

“We’re not that old,” Harry attempts to argue. 

“We’re nearly forty, dumbass. Think again.” 

He’s right, as much Harry doesn’t want to admit it. Looking at him, Niall doesn’t look like he’s aged much. Unlike the rest of them, who all are sporting a hint of grayness in either their hair or beard-like Liam and Louis. Niall’s hair is just as dark as they day Harry met him; although he has seen Niall with bleached blonde hair which he advised for him to never do again. And luckily, he didn’t.  

“Alright!” Niall claps his hands, grabbing the group’s attention. “I promised the missus I wouldn’t be home too late since I have to take the rugrats to daycare in the morning. So this round is on me!” 

After two rounds of tequila shots and a handful of various other shots, Harry realizes he’s maybe too old to be drinking like it’s his twenty-first birthday. However, after the last few months, he’s had, a night out where he’s throwing back all the liquor coming his way and dancing with his best mates seems fun. 

By best mates, he mostly means Niall, who has become the life of the club and is in the middle of the miniature dancefloor having a great time. 

Dancing with Louis would be considered dangerous territory in addition to his intoxicated state. He might be on the border of drunk, he’s still smart enough to know he shouldn’t get too close until he’s sober. And if he’s going to pursue Louis once again, he might as well get some water to flush away the alcohol in his system. 

Eventually, Harry begins to feel better and not ready to puke up everything he drank when he goes to join Liam, Zayn, and Louis and leaving Niall to dance along with everyone. It seems crazy to him the energy Niall has at his age; it must come in handy with his two rambunctious children. 

The atmosphere in the Gothic Bar room is a lot different than the high liveliness of the Tiki Bar room where he enjoyed himself with Niall. The Tiki Bar resembles being in a magical Hawaiian hotspot while the Gothic Bar has more of a medieval times vibe to it.  

With the change of pace within the two rooms, Harry feels himself relax as he looks for the rest of his friends. He doesn’t worry too much about Niall, he’ll check on him later on. 

His search doesn’t last long, finding Liam and Zayn at a table next to Louis, who’s on his phone with his drink in the other hand. Harry isn’t normally a nosy person, but with all the alcohol in his system, it gives him the unnecessary courage to ask when he reaches the table. 

“What’s on your phone that has you so captivated?” Harry questions, his slurring coming out slightly. 

In return, Louis locks his phone before Harry can peer closer to see the screen. He looks up and raises his brow as if to ask if Harry was really going to peak at his screen and invade that bit of privacy. 

“How much have you had to drink?” Louis asks him. Harry puts up one finger with a foolish grin. “Plus?” 

Harry adds five more fingers with a shrug, but he defends himself. “I’ve drunk a couple cups of water since because I’m responsible.” 

“I’m sure you are. Funny how out of the few times I’ve seen you recently, you’ve been drunk.” 

Little does Louis know the amount of times Harry’s been close to drunk at home in the past two years. Harry decides to keep that information to himself. 

Another cup of water is brought to him when Louis calls over the cocktail waitress. Sooner or later he’s back to being sober thanks to the water, food, and the talk he’s had with Louis for the last hour. 

Liam and Zayn have long left them to explore the building more. Niall left in an Uber claiming he missed his wife and kids. 

The nervousness Harry once had when he began to interact with Louis back at _Buzzfeed_ all those months ago have vanished. What’s returned is the warm sense of familiarity. One of the things he cherished in his and Louis’ relationship is their ability to hold a conversation for hours. 

No matter what, they were able to talk about anything and everything in the spectrum. Their conversations can range from light-hearted topics like the dog Louis’ mom adopted a month ago and how she is out with a vengeance to ruin every shoe he owns when he comes to visit, to more serious ones like the different cases Harry has worked on recently. 

“It still breaks my heart to know so many children have heart issues,” Louis comments, quickly wiping his eyes. 

It’s not something uncommon for Louis and Harry to talk about, a little about Harry’s several patients. Each time the stories have made Louis emotional which is why he could have never been a doctor. He can’t leave his heart and emotions at home like Harry can. 

“That’s why I do what I do,” Harry reminds him. “Help fix it, even just a little.” 

“I know,” Louis whispers in return. “It’s why you spend all your time at the hospital.” 

Undoubtedly, the comment is a dig at Harry and their failed relationship. Harry can’t get upset because Louis is right, in a way, but it’s unfair for Louis to make Harry feel like shit any more than he already has for a long time. 

“Louis,” Harry sighs. “That’s uncalled for.” 

“Sure,” Louis responds, short. “Sorry. Sorry.” 

Once again, the ringer from Louis’ phone goes off, alerting him of an incoming text. It’s happened frequently, and every time Harry can’t get a look at who it’s from. He can’t help himself. 

The light coming from the screen illuminates Louis’ facial features which is truthfully much more interesting than who he’s texting. 

Harry looks down on himself, deciding to unbutton one more button in hopes to get Louis’ attention rather than his phone. It seems to work momentarily when Louis ditches his phone and stares at his exposed chest. 

Harry smirks to himself. _I still got it._

Of course, his body isn’t what it used to be; muscles can’t be seen underneath the added weight in the stomach area. It’s not that he let himself go, because, for thirty-five, he’s still in shape, but the gym isn’t much of a priority anymore. 

Louis clears his throat and diverts his eyes upward only to meet Harry’s smug smile. “You good?” 

“What are you trying to do?” 

He’s going to play dumb because he can. “What do you mean?” 

“Are you going to answer my question or just ask me another question?” 

“Are you? 

They’re in a stare down, waiting for one to crack, which ends up being Harry. He blames the alcohol and Louis’ vibrant blue eyes that are very, very distracting. He pulls back, giggling. “You win.” 

“Always do.” 

“Anyways,” Harry goes to change the subject. “How’s the comic book illustration coming along?” 

Louis visibly lights up. “Awesome! Yeah, lots of weird hybrid animals and explosions. You know, the usual. I love it though. It really gets the creative juices flowing.” 

Suddenly Harry can’t get the image of an elephant with the ears that are actually butterfly wings out of his head. He seriously needs to; he promised himself that he’d at least try to try to move a step towards a reconciliation with his ex-husband.  

Although their conversations have been alright so far, Harry can’t shake off the feeling of awkwardness and hesitation. There’s tension between them and he knows it’s due to the lack of confrontation about their past and breakup. 

In order to take a step forward, they need to talk about it and get the closure they have desperately needed. A bit of little sexual tension can help get things going in the right direction, right? 

“Do you want to dance in the Tiki Bar room?” He asks Louis. There is skepticism in his eyes as if he knows Harry’s motive. He takes the last swing of his beer, cringes, and agrees. 

“You better leave space between us,” Louis mutters passed him. 

“Nah,” Harry whispers to himself. 

The live band have not stopped their wild momentum, having as much energy as they had in the beginning of their set. There’s no singing, purely instrumental which has everyone dancing freely with each other. 

Harry’s mind is buzzing as he moves his body to the rhythm of the music playing. Smiles grace both his and Louis’ faces, enjoying themselves and it feels so good to let go and push the negative moments of their past relationship behind them for the time being. 

His limbs are loose, arms lifting up to the air and laughing at nothing in particular when locking eyes with his soulmate. 

Louis looks beautiful underneath these warm lights. Flashes of orange, yellow, and red dance across his face but Harry can only see blue, his favorite color. Riskily, he takes a step closer to him and when Louis doesn’t protest, there’s another step. 

And before Harry knows it, their forehands are touching. Sweat beads down from his temples, their shared breathes are heavy from the dancing and the close proximity. This is the closest he’s been to Louis in two years and he has fucking missed it. 

He brings his hands up to gradually touch Louis’ biceps, running them down until he touches Louis’ soulmate mark. Looking down, he sees right where his fingertips belong, on the dagger, the mark that signifies their bond in this universe. 

“Harry,” Louis warns weakly. 

“What, baby?” 

Pausing before speaking up, Louis then says, “I told you to not get too close.” 

“It looks like I don’t have control when it comes to you, you know that.” 

His eyes stare at Louis’ addictive lips. He can’t see if Louis is mirroring him but he’s assuming he’s looking at his lips as well. The mixture of adrenaline and alcohol give him the courage to lean forward, but their lips never touch because Louis jolts backward. 

“I have a boyfriend,” he blurts out, his eyes as wide as they can get. 


	5. Five

Harry swears his heart stops. He feels his body shutting down as the music and people around them disappear, leaving only Louis and himself. 

“What?” Harry croaks. 

It’s not like he expected Louis to be alone forever after the divorce. It would be selfish of him to want that of Louis because he doesn’t deserve that. What led to the divorce in the first place was that Louis felt alone. He deserves to find someone to fill the hole Harry left. 

“I’m in a relationship, have been for the past year or so.” Harry doesn’t know if he should feel hurt that it took only one year for Louis to move on with someone new – move on from his _soulmate_ no less. 

The realization that they are in fact not alone in the room and have grabbed the attention of bystanders comes to Harry. He wants to avoid further embarrassment, so he flees to the stairs leading outside. 

Without a care if Louis is following him or not, Harry makes it to the coldness outside. A slight breeze gives him goosebumps up his arm, he turns to walk away.   

“Harry!” 

This fucking _hurts._ His soulmate is in a relationship with another man. Harry can’t believe how much he fucked it up because it led to this. It’s because of him spending all of his time at work and none of it with Louis. 

It’s because of him, Louis has accepted another man that isn’t Harry to give him the care and devotion he truly merits. 

Harry led Louis into the arms of another man. And he can only blame himself. 

He’s angry, so very angry, but at himself. But the hurt and pain overtake it all because that other man should be him. 

“Harry, please stop!” He listens to Louis and stops but doesn’t turn to look at him. One look and Harry will break, and he’s promising himself to not look vulnerable. 

Although he tries to resist, tears still begin to form in his eyes when Louis walks around him so they’re face-to-face. They don’t speak to each other, only simply staring outside in the dark until someone breaks the silence. 

“It just happened,” Louis tells him, licking his lips. “I didn’t just plan to get into another relationship, it wasn’t my intentions.” 

“Where’s his soulmate?” 

“He’s never met them.” 

“Does he know about me?” His brain is screaming to walk away. Walk away so he doesn’t have to hear more about this mystery man because it’s tearing Harry up more and more. 

It’s nearing two in the morning and the majority of the people who are still out are starting to head home around them. 

Louis chooses that moment to nod in response to Harry’s question. “He does, and he’s fine with it.” 

Harry doesn’t care if the man is fine with it, because he isn’t. “Does he know that no matter what or how he tries, you’re going to have a bond with _me?_ That anything you have with him will never compare to what you and I had. We were brought into this world to be together.” 

“And  _you_ fucked that up, Harry.” 

“I fucking know. I-” There’s the urge to scream because Louis’ phone is ringing _again,_ and now that he knows about this boyfriend, Harry’s certain that it’s him who Louis’ been talking to all night. 

Instead of a short text message alert, it’s a phone call Louis gets and when he sees who it is, he sighs. “It’s Trevor, I need to take this.” 

_Trevor._

Louis’ back is turned to him, and despite the hurt and anger running through him, Harry’s eyes uncontrollably trail down to his ass. 

_“Not now, you horn dog_ ,” Harry rolls his eyes to himself. 

The phone call can’t be heard and quite frankly, Harry doesn’t want to listen in because he doesn’t want to care. When Louis’ voice becomes louder and frantic, is when Harry looks over. 

“Okay, okay, Trevor, you need to calm down for me,” Louis says to the phone. “I need you to tell me what hospital you’re at? Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can, stay with your mom.” 

“Is everything alright?” Harry asks because he’s not a complete asshole. 

“Um, no, no. It’s Trevor’s sister. They had to take her to the hospital, she was having a lot of chest pain that she couldn’t handle.” 

The doctor in him comes through, Harry can’t help himself. “How old is she?” 

“Nine.” 

Harry reaches for his phone to get an Uber set up. “And does she have other medical conditions or anything?” 

“I don’t think so,” Louis answers, looking confused. “What are you doing?” 

“Which hospital are they taking her to?” He ignores him, waiting for the name. 

“Yours. Harry, _what_ are you doing?” 

“I’m going to see what I can do. Let’s walk closer to Clifton’s, I told the Uber driver to pick us up from there.”

Harry can’t waste his time dwelling on the news of Louis’ relationship when there is a child in immense pain - at least that’s what he’s telling himself. And as much as he is hurting and wanting to run to have a good manly cry, he has to push that aside. 

Who is he to simply ignore a child in need, and yes she’s in good hands at the hospital but in his heart, he can’t just let Louis go alone to deal with it. Even though the little girl is the sister of his current boyfriend. 

Louis’ boyfriend. 

Harry never imagined he’d say the words. 

With it being the middle of the night, it doesn’t take much time to arrive at the hospital. A rarity in Los Angeles. The second the car stops, Louis jumps out and neglects to wait for Harry to catch up, knowing his way around the place. 

No words are spoken to Louis as Harry simply follows him into the lobby and to the elevator that’ll take them to pediatrics. They’re the only ones in the elevator and once the metal doors slide close, Louis lets out a shaky breath. 

They still haven’t exchanged words since Harry ordered the Uber. The car ride over was deathly silent except for saying _hello_ and _goodbye_ with a _thank you_ to the driver. Harry quite frankly doesn’t know what to say to Louis. He’s afraid if he even tries to get a word out, he’ll express a lot more than needed at the moment. 

Leaning back against the back of the elevator, Harry stands next to Louis spending the next minute clenching and unclenching his fist in utter silence. And of course, it’s Louis who’s brave enough to take action. 

“I don’t know why you’re doing this,” he starts, coughing into his arm. “But please don’t make things weirder than they are already going to be. If you’re going to help, just push the situation away for a moment and focus on Monique.” 

Harry opens his mouth to reply but Louis quickly adds, “Don’t let it out on her. I know you’re angry? Hurt? I don’t know. But whatever you’re feeling, just don’t let it out on her.” 

“First of all, I’m not a complete asshole. I want to help because that’s just who I am. And second of all, for you to even _think_ I would let out my emotions about you being in a relationship on that little girl, then I don’t think you know me at all anymore.” 

Between the situation at hand regarding Louis’ new relationship and Louis thinking he’d let his feelings affect the little girl, Harry can’t distinguish which hurts more. Because, Louis _knows_ Harry, or at least he _knew_ him. By knowing him, anyone can see that Harry will do everything in his power to help someone – child or adult. 

“I didn’t mean it.” 

Harry lets out a dry laugh. “Oh, of course you did, or else you wouldn’t have said it.” 

“I really didn’t. My mind’s just all over the place,” Louis defends himself and stopping when the elevator stops, and the doors slide open. 

“And you don’t think mine is?” 

“Harry, please, not right now.” Louis pushes Harry away from him a bit when he gets closer. And before Harry can get another word in, he instantly regrets offering to help. 

A tall man – taller than Harry – rushes to Louis with wetness in his eyes. He crashes into Louis, embracing him tightly as he cries on his soulmate’s shoulder. Harry can’t do anything but watch the scene before him, feeling completely empty. This is the boyfriend, Harry thinks to himself. This is the guy that has replaced him in Louis’ life. 

“Fuck, Lou. I hate seeing her in so much pain,” the man whispers into Louis’ ear. Louis can only rub his back soothingly and return encouraging words that aren’t loud enough for Harry to hear. 

_Lou._

Things are just getting worse by the second. In order to not see any more affection between some random stranger with his soulmate, he heads to the nurse’s station and asks for information about the man’s little sister. 

Her name is Monique and so far all they’ve been able to do is give her pain meds. 

“She’s been having trouble breathing and sweating. I was about to go check on her right now,” one the nurses inform him. 

Harry takes a look at the clipboard with the minimal information since she was just admitted. “I’ll take a look at her and just let you know if I need you. Thank you, Claire.” 

Louis and the boyfriend – _Trevor_ – are no longer in front of the elevator doors, showcasing their compassionate hug in front of everyone on the floor so he can assume they headed to Monique’s room. 

His assumptions are correct when he walks into the room, and his eyes dart over to where Louis is sitting on _Trevor’s lap_ because that’s what boyfriends do. Harry can’t deny this is making him even angrier because Louis is letting this happen. He’s letting his boyfriend cling onto him right in front of his soulmate. 

He looks away when Louis meets his eyes and goes to the little girl with the oxygen mask on to assist her with her troubled breathing. Next to her must be her and Trevor’s mother, who has a full terrified look Harry knows all too well. 

“Hello,” Harry politely greets, making sure to sound gentle to earn Monique’s trust. “I’m Dr. Styles, but you can call me Harry, and what’s your name?” 

The little girl goes to take the mask off for a second to let out a weak, _“Monique.”_

There’s space at the edge of the bed that Harry takes place to sit and faces Monique and her mom, paying the couple behind him no mind. “You must be Monique’s sister?” 

The woman with the same hazel eyes as the little girl and the owner of the lap Louis’ made his new chair chuckles halfheartedly. “I’m her mother, Emily.” 

“Nice to meet you both.” He purposefully ignored to acknowledge the other ones in the room. “So, from what I see from the nurse’s notes, Monique’s been experiencing intense chest pains, having trouble breathing, and is running a fever.” 

The two nod along, confirming the information written along. “Can you tell me if your pain is just in the chest area? Or it’s in other places as well?” 

Monique points to her neck and shoulder and then back to her chest. Harry gets up and presses the button to get Claire’s attention at the nurse’s station. “You’re doing great, Monique. Keep taking those deep breaths, I know it feels weird to have this huge mask on your face.” Claire walks into the room. “Nurse Claire here is going to get some x-rays done to take a better look of your chest. Is that alright?” 

The little girl turns to her mom as if to ask if it’s alright to give permission. When Emily assures her it’s alright, she looks back to Harry and nods since that’s the only thing she can do without taking off the mask to talk. 

Before another nurse comes in to help Claire in moving Monique to take the test, Harry tells Emily, “She’ll get x-rays done and an EKG to start off. The results shouldn’t take that long and I’ll be able to get a better look at what’s going on and what’s causing the chest pains in addition to the other symptoms. If I can’t figure it out from the two tests, I’ll get some more done, but this is just a start. You all can stay in the room, she shouldn’t take long.” 

“Thank you so much Dr. Styles. Do you have any assumptions of what it can be?” 

“It’s hard to tell without any testing, but it might something cardiac-related. Don’t count me on that just yet. I’m just coming from a cardiologist’s perspective since that’s my line of work. But don’t worry too much. We’re going to do everything we can to help her, okay?” 

Emily lets out a grateful _thank you_ and leaves the room, saying she needs to call her husband who’s out of town on business. 

What Harry dreaded the most from happening is the situation he’s currently in. He’s alone in a hospital room with Louis and his new boyfriend. His back is still turned to them; they’ve been quiet the entire time, just watching Harry. 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” he says softly, making his way to the door. 

“Harry.” 

The voice isn’t Louis, it’s the boyfriend who dares to say his name as if they’re friends. They haven’t even been introduced or spoken a word to each other – not that he wants to because he certainly doesn’t. 

It’s just. How _dare_ he say his name so nonchalantly as if he isn’t sleeping with Harry’s fucking soulmate every night.

Angrily, Harry spins to properly get a good look at him for the first time. Face to face. Luckily both Monique and Emily left the room, so they don’t have to witness this. Like he noticed before, the man has hazel-colored eyes. His hair is nearly black with his own set of short curls. 

_How familiar._  

“It’s Dr. Styles to you.” Harry glares at him. “You’re not my friend or my patient, so you don’t get to call me by my first name. Got it?” 

Trevor lets out a deep sigh, tapping Louis’ hip to tell him to get up because Louis has the audacity to _still_ be on the guy’s lap this entire time. Harry notices that Louis has gone a bit pale, chewing on his lip profusely. 

Harry tries not to look intimidated by the guy’s height when he stands, puffing his chest just a tad and as discreetly as he can. 

“I’m sorry, alright? I’m just trying to thank you for taking on my little sister. I shouldn’t have called you by your name, especially since you’re doing your job right now. I know you and Lou were out with Liam and Zayn, so you were off the clock. And it means a lot you came with Lou so you can help.” 

Harry can’t ignore the fact that Trevor mentions Liam and Zayn, so it means he knows them. Which also means they know of this relationship and have kept it quiet from him. They were _his_ friends first. How could they? 

This won’t stop hurting. From the corner of his eye, he sees Trevor reach for Louis’ hand from behind his back, seeking comfort. 

“I know you’re an amazing doctor, Niall has told me. And for being who I am, I’m really grateful you’ll still help. I don’t want to make things hostile between us, I know where I stand, and I won’t mention anything, so we can just focus on Monique.”

“I’m Louis’ soulmate,” Harry can’t help but notify him out of pettiness. 

“And I get that what Louis and I have won’t compare to that, I know.” Louis is still quiet, letting the interaction between his ex-husband and his current boyfriend take place. 

“As long as you know. And every time you look at that dagger on his arm, you’ll be reminded.” 

With that, Harry leaves the room. 

**

_Louis_

No words have been spoken for a few minutes. No one has moved from their spots. The lingering tension drifting in the hospital room is as prominent as moments before when Harry was in the room. 

Louis doesn’t know what to say anymore. This night has been a complete curveball; everything happening unexpectedly. From being at the club with Harry and all their friends again like old times, dancing with Harry and getting _so_ close to kissing him, and then ending up in a hospital. Harry’s hospital no less. 

Never did he imagine he’d have to see Harry and Trevor in the same room in his lifetime. It’s beyond bizarre and Louis doesn’t like it. 

“You and your friends said Harry was actually a nice guy.” 

Louis can’t help but let out a laugh. “He’s usually a human-sized softie, but you aren’t his favorite person.” 

“I still appreciate him helping, Monique,” Trevor says quietly. “Fuck, Louis, I’ve never been so scared in my life.” 

While Trevor and his mom experienced something so traumatic as seeing Monique is excruciating pain, Louis’s out there almost allowing his ex-husband to get close to him. He can’t feel any guiltier. 

Shaking his head, “I can’t imagine, babe. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

Louis lowers himself onto Trevor’s lap and pulls his boyfriend in to comfort him. Trevor’s shoulders shake as he begins to cry into Louis’ chest, and he has no choice but to keep rubbing his hands up and down his back. “I’m right here, Trev. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Trevor came into Louis’ life a year after the divorce was finalized and it came as a huge surprise. They met in a coffee shop Louis visited every morning where Trevor bravely walked up to him one morning and confessed finding him pretty and wanted to ask him out.

Accepting the divorce and trying to move on with his life without his soulmate, his friends and family urged him to give dating a try. He always ignored them but when Trevor asked him out on a simple date, he decided to give it a try. 

So he agreed to the date and they have been seeing each other ever since. However, it hasn’t been an easy road, by all means. Louis was very hesitant and slow in expressing his feelings, in which Trevor understood once he knew his and Harry’s story. 

Normally, a person wouldn’t want to deal with a divorcee still hung up on their soulmate. But Trevor took on the challenge and eventually won Louis’ heart. Sort of. 

Ever since seeing Harry months ago, Louis’ heart has been perplexed in what to feel and for who. 

His heart and soul are relishing in the constant communication with Harry, but his mind is trying to be rational in this predicament. Trevor is amazing and treats Louis with the utmost respect and love. Louis knows where he stands in Trevor’s heart and it’s reassuring to know that he can rely on him whenever he needs someone. 

With Harry, Louis would have to wait until he finished with surgery or any appointments with his clients. 

Things are comfortable with Trevor and typically it would be enough for Louis. But he just doesn’t know. The heart wants what it wants, but is always the right way to go? 

“Did you at least have some fun night with the guys? I know you don’t see them as often as you would like since they’re more Harry’s friends.” 

Well, fun wouldn’t be the exact word to describe Louis’ night. He didn’t think anything would occur when Zayn asked him and Niall to join them. Louis knew Zayn had the nicest intentions because it has been a long time since the five of them spent time together. Only him and Harry are to blame. 

“Loads,” Louis says simply, pecking Trevor on the cheek. 

“Um, Louis? I have a question.” Trevor squeezes his waist when Louis gestures for him to go on. “Were you with just Harry when I called you?” 

His heart begins to race with the question, Trevor has no idea what went on prior to the phone call. “What makes you ask that?” 

“Because Harry’s the only one that came with you. I’d figure the rest of the guys would’ve came if they were with you. I don’t know.” 

Louis can make up a lie to satisfy Trevor, or he can tell him the truth and risk something if he reacts negatively to it. Nothing necessarily happened, Louis stopped Harry before a kiss actually happened. But it’s safe to say that they weren’t dancing platonically and were too close for only being friends. 

Regrettably, Louis chooses the one that keeps him in the clear. “Niall left early, and I told Zayn and Liam to head home after I was done talking to you. Harry insisted in coming since he works here. That’s all Trevor.” 

Trevor turns to smile warmly at Louis. “So Harry is nice?” 

“The nicest,” a voice answers behind them. 

Both men spin themselves towards the door to see Harry leaning against the doorway. He’s now sporting a long white coat, making Louis’ throat dry up with how hot he looks. Thankfully Harry didn’t put on his scrubs because that would be the complete look Louis saw for many years and always managed to turn him on. 

_Focus, Tomlinson._  

Harry’s tightened jaw and tense shoulders give away how he’s still feeling. No one can blame him for being in the situation Louis sort of put him in. His intention isn’t to hurt Harry. Keeping this information of having a boyfriend from the get-go wasn’t the best idea, Louis now knows. If he had just told him early on, maybe things would be different. 

But at the same time, Harry could’ve pulled away and distanced himself. All the handful of moments he’s had with him since February would’ve never happened. It’s been enjoyable to spend some time with his soulmate, even if it was platonically. 

Also, it doesn’t change how much Harry hurt him and their marriage years ago. Louis can’t possibly forget about that. 

“I just wanted to come by and tell you that Monique’s test results came in.” Harry doesn’t move from his spot, openly staring at where Louis and Trevor are holding hands. Louis discreetly pulls his hand away and stands. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Trevor’s voice is suddenly back to being frantic. 

“She has an inflammation of the pericardium. It’s called Pericarditis.” 

Louis clears his throat. “English maybe?” 

Fighting back a grin, Harry explains, “The pericardium is a slim sac that surrounds our hearts. And since hers is inflamed, that means the fluids in between the layers has increased. Ultimately it affects the heart’s ability to work correctly.” 

“How can you fix it?” 

“I’m going to start her on some anti-inflammatory medication and see how she responds to it. If that works then she’ll be just fine, but if it doesn’t, then we’ll have to remove the excess fluid ourselves. I already told Emily all of this, she’s with Monique now upstairs since she’s been admitted.” 

Louis truly believes Trevor has a death wish when he sees his boyfriend go towards Harry with his hand out for a handshake. Harry only steps back, darts his eyes to Louis, and huffs. “My colleague Dr. Sanders will be taking care of Monique for the rest of her stay. She’s a wonderful cardiologist, so your sister is in good hands.” 

Harry announces he’ll be headed home and leaves Louis and Trevor to themselves. 

They eventually join Emily and Monique upstairs where they see the little girl looking a lot better than the last time they saw her. Her smile is beaming when she receives gifts Louis and Trevor give her from the gift shop downstairs. 

To distract her from the overly sterile environment, for the next couple hours everyone spoke to Monique with such positivity, recounting fond memories to keep her smiling. Eventually, they stopped when her small eyes drifted shut and her breathing became steady. 

“I’m glad she managed to fall asleep. She must’ve been so exhausted.” Emily runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair. Louis can’t imagine how painful everything must have been. On top of that, no doubt she was so scared to have experienced everything. 

“Louis, babe, do you want to head home to sleep? You look like shit,” Trevor teases him. 

“You don’t look any better,” he has to fire back. Looking over to Emily who has fallen asleep herself next to Monique’s hospital bed, the two decide to give them some quietness and go to the cafeteria. 

While Louis and Trevor occupied their time by snacking, Louis himself couldn’t stop thinking about Harry and their complicated situation.

The soulmates never gave themselves the opportunity to put closure into their relationship. Louis blames himself. The night of the incident had been so exhausting; Louis’ emotions were all over the place. He was blinded by how hurt and disappointed he felt to allow Harry to even speak that night. 

Because of that, Harry never got to explain himself and it always lingered in Louis’ head. Did Harry have a good enough excuse as to why he went MIA the entire day? Did he purposely stay in the hospital longer than necessary to avoid Louis at home? 

So many questions and ‘what-ifs’ roamed Louis’ head when left alone at home as Harry worked insane hours. His worries eventually got the best of him which is when he completely exploded and brought up the divorce. 

A divorce he thought would wake Harry the fuck up and step up as a husband and soulmate. So it came as a shock when his soulmate only agreed to the separation. 

Things were still left unsaid, and perhaps Harry should be given the chance to lay everything out once and for all. Better two years later than never. 

As Trevor grazes his fingers from across the table, Louis comes to the decision that things are finally good in his life. His career is amazing, and he loves it so much, his family is healthy and they’re adding to it which he can’t wait, and he has a partner who’s the best to him. 

Others would say he has it all, and Louis feels like he sort of does. And that’s enough. 

“Hey, Trev, I think I’m going to head home for a couple hours to nap,” Louis informs his boyfriend. 

“Alright babe, I’ll be here. Love you.” 

“Me too,” Louis can only say right now.

He has intentions to go home, he’s absolutely exhausted after being in the hospital all day. However, he wants to make a stop at Harry’s. Louis feels it’s time for them to get their closure, so he can feel at peace and move on with his life. 

Once Liam sends him a text with Harry’s address attached, he orders an Uber to head that way. 

**

_Harry_  

Never in his life has he felt alone. He kind of wishes he could go back to Costa Rica to continue on with his work. It would mean he’d be far away from everyone in Los Angeles. 

While he’s in his office waiting for Monique’s test results, he pulls his phone out to text his mom that he’ll be visiting this weekend. He figures it will do him good to be a couple hours away from here up in Santa Barbara, so he can take a few days to himself and relax. 

The scenery up north is more calming and mellow in comparison to Los Angeles, he can’t wait to take the drive up. Even though it’s nearing four in the morning, Anne replies to his text saying she can’t wait to see him. With one more text to tell her to get to sleep, he decides to lay on his couch. 

He’s been up for God knows how long and nothing sounds better than sleep. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come to him. His mind is going in overdrive because it knows Louis is in the building, comforting another man he’s in a committed relationship with. A man that isn’t Harry. It’s impossible to get sleep with that knowledge so he begs himself to take his mind elsewhere. 

Suddenly he remembers of the conversation with Dr. Nicks about the job offer at the Children’s Hospital in Boston, the idea sounding more and more intriguing. 

Louis has obviously taken the step to move on in his life and maybe Harry shouldn’t stop being stuck in the past and take the step forward. He knows this heartbreak won’t go away overnight but an entirely different location – a different state – away from Louis, could do the trick. 

** 

Harry isn’t able to go home to finally rest until the later in the afternoon. He wanted to wait until he had the test results, but once he had a good look at the x-rays and the EKG testing, he opted for a second opinion and asked a fellow colleague to confirm his assumptions. 

It didn’t leave Emily particularly happy, but Harry just wanted to be sure instead of feeding her false information. 

Breathing in the familiar scent of his apartment, Harry’s lured into his bedroom where his mattress is begging for his company. He makes a pit stop to the kitchen, making himself a simple sandwich, and practically runs to bed to eat then sleep. 

The firmness of his mattress feels amazing on his back. After a big bite of the sandwich, Harry chews slowly, looking at the dark ceiling, thinking of the wild day he’s had. Not only does he hear about a potential job promotion, and ends the day back at a bar with Louis of all people – with Liam and Zayn but who cares about the details – and ends back at the hospital to help Louis’ boyfriend’s sister. 

Although sleep didn’t come to him in his office, he’s sucked right into a dreamy state the second he finishes his food and knocks out. 

According to Harry’s mom, Harry has never been too much of a sleeper. She’s retold moments where he would sleep at a decent hour as a child, only to wake up four or five hours later, completely rejuvenated and with lots of energy.

So, Harry only needs about five hours to sleep daily which comes in handy when being a cardiologist. It’s only when he’s both mentally and physically exhausted he sleeps for a very long time. That seems to be the case this time, although he doesn’t wake up on his own. He wakes up to the sounds of knocking coming from his front door. 

The continuous knocks ruin his deep slumber; he sighs as he blindly heads to the door, bumping into the wall when leaving his bedroom. He peeks at the time from the microwave; it’s ten o’clock at night. Harry’s slept all afternoon and he can honestly sleep throughout the rest of the night. But he can’t because some asshole is at his door.   

“Who is it?” 

“Hey, it’s Louis.” 

His stomach drops, and he looks down at himself to see if he looks presentable for Louis. Which shouldn’t really matter, but he also doesn’t want to look like roadkill in front of the guy. He messes with his hair, running his fingers and flipping it from side to side until it’s tamed and can no longer be qualified as bedhead. 

He takes one more deep breath before unlocking the door and swinging it open. The dark circles surrounding Louis’ blue eyes are very noticeable and it’s the first thing Harry sees. It means Louis’ is exhausted and after the night they had, Harry doubts he’s had any sleep. He’s dressed comfortably, with sweats and a plain gray t-shirt with a Dodger cap on top. 

Harry almost doesn’t care what Louis has to say; he just wants to bring him inside and tuck him into bed, so he can sleep. 

“May I help you?” Harry asks slowly because Louis hasn’t said a word since he opened the door. “Is everything alright?” 

“I think it’s time for us to finally talk, yeah?” 

It’s ten at night, and Louis wants to talk? “You decided to have this talk at ten at night? Louis, you look like you’re ready to pass out any moment, maybe it isn’t a good idea to do this right now.” 

“Were you sleeping?” Louis lifts his head to look over Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry opens the door wider, inviting him in. “Yeah, but it’s fine, I’ve been sleeping all afternoon.” 

He tells Louis to take a spot on the couch while he goes back into his bedroom and in his closet to take out a spare blanket and pillow. He comes back into the living room and sees Louis sitting rigidly as he waits for him. He looks up when Harry comes to view. “What’s this?” 

“You’re tired. So, we’re not going to talk until you’ve had some sleep. So here’s a blanket and a pillow. We’ll talk in the morning,” Harry tells him without letting Louis interrupt him. Louis nods defeatedly and makes himself comfortable.= 

“I’m sorry for interrupting your sleep. I just got brave and got your address from Liam and came without thinking much about it.” Louis’ practically slurring his words, sleep quickly taking over him. And before Harry can assure him it’s alright, Louis is softly snoring. 

He can’t help himself, Harry really can’t. He bends down slightly to give Louis a lingering kiss on his forehead. That moment alone has fueled Harry; his lips tingle and his heart’s suddenly racing just from the simple touch. 

There’s a slight perk in his step on his way back to bed, although he’d deny it if asked. He closes his eyes when his head hits the pillow and the smile on his face could be seen for miles. He’ll keep that moment to himself. 

It’s seven a.m. when Harry wakes once again, super early due to the early night. He’s honestly shocked with all the sleep he caught up on. It was much needed, but now he has to go face Louis. 

He’s surprised to see the T.V. on with the news. Louis’ still laying on the couch but with his eyes open and watching the anchor talk about politics or some shit. “Good morning.” 

He sees Louis jump as he’s startled by Harry. He gets up and turns, “Oh, hey. Morning.” 

The croakiness of Louis’ morning voice sends goosebumps up Harry’s arms. He remembers quite vividly hearing and feeling his voice on his skin, on the back of his neck in the mornings and the middle of the night. 

“Do you want coffee?” 

“Sure, thanks. But we really need to talk,” Louis tells him as he follows Harry to the kitchen. Harry turns the coffee pot on and pulls out two mugs. Louis had been examining the kitchen and appliances. In the divorce, he had let Louis have all the kitchen appliances. Harry had known Louis wouldn’t go out and buy anything. 

Harry can sense Louis watching him prepare his coffee. “You still remember how I take my coffee?” He feels hurt by the question, because how could he forget anything about his soulmate. “Of course I do.” Louis thanks Harry when he hands him the mug. 

“Good?” 

“Like always, thank you.” 

Harry didn’t bother to close the curtains, so the sunrise is giving them natural light in the apartment. Morning Louis will forever be his favorite Louis. He looks so lax and content after a good night’s sleep. 

“Let’s go to the living room, yeah?” Harry suggests. 

Birds chirp outside, bringing in the only sound in the room. A feeling of nausea comes to Harry and he desperately tries to push it down. He’s clearly nervous and it’s easy to see that Louis is as well. 

This is hard. It has been a long time coming for them to clear the air and talk about the divorce. Louis’ revelation yesterday about having a boyfriend adds to the tension between them. 

“The way we ended things is something I really want to apologize for.” Louis turns to Harry, looking at him straight. “It was immature of me to not let us talk it out, but I was so fucking disappointed.” 

“I just wanted you to let me explain myself; I had a valid reason for that day.” 

Biting his lip, Louis tells him he’s all ears. “I know it’s too late, but what happened?” 

“I just want to let you know that I was just as excited for that day as you were.” Harry feels he needs to reiterate. “And I was _so_ fucking proud of you landing that big client. I always was so proud of you and your work. You knew that already though.” 

“I know.” 

“So for you to assume that I didn’t care was a stab in the heart, because I was your number one fan.” 

Thinking back to the disastrous argument and night brings up emotions that Harry can’t seem to ignore. His eyes are misty and his attempt at not looking vulnerable in front of Louis has gone down the drain. This is the opportunity he’s been hoping ever since that night two years ago, and quite frankly he can’t believe it’s happening now. 

Louis folds his hands together on his lap, head down. “I know you cared, but I just didn’t _see_ it, you know?” 

“I realize I had my work take over everything, mostly you. And I’m really sorry, Lou,” Harry tells him. 

“So what happened? What made you miss the appointment and the dinner?” 

“I was out the door of my office, ready to head to the appointment. I was so fucking excited. You just have to know that as well. I wanted this family to start more than anything. It was my dream, Louis.” Harry rubs the nape of his neck, trying to soothe himself before continuing. “But there was an emergency with a little kid. He needed an emergency open heart surgery, so I had to do it. I stupidly forgot my phone and to tell someone to get ahold of you. It was such long surgery because of a couple complications. So by the time I was out of the operating room, it was late, and I missed everything. I saw your missed calls and texts but waited until I was home to explain to you. But you didn’t let me do it.” 

“Was the kid alright?” Louis wonders. 

“Yeah, thankfully. I managed to get everything in order.” 

“Because you’re a great surgeon.” Harry blushes at his comment, making Louis smirk and chuckle at him. “It’s true.” 

It’s little remarks like these that make Harry all gooey in his feelings; Louis knows he has this effect on him, always will. In these cases, a statement so simple from Louis would get Harry on his knees for him. But, he has a boyfriend now so that can’t quite happen no matter how much he wants it to. 

“So you didn’t purposely bail?” 

Harry shakes his head hastily. “Not at all. I never worked longer hours because I didn’t want to go home. On the contrary, I tried so fucking hard to finish quickly so I could get home to you. I was always just given so much work.” 

“I was always so alone.” Sniffling comes from Louis; he wipes his nose to stop it from running but it’s not working. “I just missed you so damn much. I didn’t picture our marriage to be the way it was.” 

“I know, me neither.” 

“I mean, it was tolerable at first. I worked a lot, sure, but you still had reasonable time off that we took advantage of. But it all changed when you became the head of cardiology. When you told me about the promotion, I just _knew_.” 

Harry raises a brow. “Knew what?” 

“That more time was going to be taken away from me. My time with you. And I wanted to be happy for you, _trust_ me,” he emphasizes. “But I wasn’t completely happy because I knew I was going to be alone more. And I was right.” 

They make a sad picture, the two of them. Louis is on one side of the couch, legs drawn up and his knees touching his chest. Harry is on the other side; his elbows on his knees, with his head down in his hands. They’re both freely crying, feeling remorse as they talk about the failing moments in their marriage. 

“And it was just unfair. I didn’t deserve this kind of marriage, no one does. We were merely roommates that barely saw each other and occasionally fucked. That’s not what I wanted in a husband, and definitely not in my soulmate. That’s what hurt the most.” 

It’s what hurts the most for Harry too. 

“I stayed because you’re my soulmate, Harry. I told myself I knew I could never have someone like you in my lifetime. I can’t possibly separate myself from my other half, so I have to stick it out and hope it gets better.” 

Harry had his time to explain himself, so he has no choice but to stay silent and allow Louis to vent it all out. And as much as every word is hitting him like a bullet, it’s needed to be said, so he can know how much he’s hurt Louis. 

“But it never got better. I stupidly thought telling you I’m ready to start our family would change things and the day our adoption process was meant to start, you don’t show up. And I know now it wasn’t your fault. A sick child can’t just wait, I know.”

Louis tends to keep his emotions pent up to avoid feeling exposed. He never had an issue showing them to Harry though. Despite the history the two of them have, Louis’ freely sobbing into his own arm and Harry can only sit there and watch. 

It’d be inappropriate to go comfort him, right? 

_Fuck it_. Harry reaches him and wraps his arms around Louis. He cradles his head to his chest as Louis shakes and cries. He’s a bit tense until Louis returns the gesture and latches onto Harry’s waist. 

Harry removes the baseball cap, and kisses his hair two times before muttering, “I’m so sorry, baby.” 

“I felt like I wasn’t good enough for you.” 

“You were, Louis, you were. You still are and always will be. You’re more than good enough. I promise.” Harry’s desperate for Louis to believe him. It’s absurd of him to make Louis feel insecure about himself at all throughout his marriage. It should’ve been the complete opposite. 

Harry will make sure to never make Louis feel insecure about himself for the rest of his life. 

“I’ll make it up to you, Louis. I swear.” 

At that, Louis pulls away to look at Harry bewilderingly. “What are you talking about?” 

Harry clears his throat and steps back because that was not meant to be said out loud, but he hasn’t been able to filter himself lately, has he? He might as well just be out with it though, he’s already dug himself into a deeper hole. “So, um.” 

“Do not let this be the time you take a million years to get to the point, Harry. C’mon, what were you talking about?” Louis smiles tentatively with lots of uncertainty. Harry’s really liking the shades of silver patches on Louis’ beard. It makes him remember a time where the wrinkles on his face and the specks of gray hair weren’t there. He remembers falling in love with Louis when they were so young and now they’re pushing forty. 

But seeing Louis in such a state, makes him look so young again. Back to their twenties when life was so exciting and close to perfect because they loved each other unconditionally and they didn’t have problems that had the potential to break their relationship. They bickered here and there, sure, but it’s something they were able to fix by the end of the day. 

Things were easy when they were young; this adulting thing is so hard. 

“It’s just. It’s been a lot since seeing you for the _Buzzfeed_ video.” Harry’s close to drawing blood with how hard he’s biting his lip. He can’t stop playing with the rings on his fingers and his watch. This is so nerve-wracking. “I’m going to be dead honest, alright?” 

“I’d appreciate that,” Louis sasses back. 

“I’m going to ignore you, so I can express how I feel, thank you very much.” The tension breaks a bit as they giggle. They are still quite close to each other. Harry can easily smell Louis’ cologne on him. “So, yeah. My mind has been going wild ever since seeing you and it was like I was living the divorce all over again. I never wanted the divorce, Louis. I really didn’t.” 

“Then why did you agree to it without a fight?” Louis snaps, irritation rising. “You said nothing but _okay_ when I said I wanted the divorce. This is a two-way street, man.” 

“Louis, you have to know a divorce is never a mutual decision.” 

“What the fuck do you mean?” 

“I gave in because you give up on the marriage and asked for the divorce.” 

The conversation was not meant to end up the way it has. Louis’ cheeks suck in, his eyes squinting with his arms crossed. His normal light blue eyes are a lot deeper in color, a tendency when angry and defensive. “I didn’t fucking give up, Harry. I was miserable and alone!” 

“And I said I was sorry for that. But instead of immediately asking for a divorce, maybe you could’ve talked to me about it first. Louis, come on.” 

“How the hell was I supposed to talk to you if you were never home, Harry!” 

Tempers are flaring, which is not doing the situation any good or helping Harry confess his undying love for this man. He takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself. He’s frustrated with Louis, but Harry can’t love the man any more than he already does. “Can we not argue anymore, please?” 

Thankfully, Louis slowly nods and apologizes for his unexpected anger. He gestures for Harry to continue on. “As I was saying, I didn’t want to divorce. It tore me to shreds when you even uttered the word to me. I knew I had fucked up, but it never occurred to me how much.” 

His heart’s racing, his hands are clammy, and he feels sixteen-years-old again telling his high school crush that he likes him. No nerves were present when revealing his feelings to Louis the first time at twenty-three years old. So, needless to say this is new for him. He’s never been so nervous in front of Louis. He feels like he could throw up. 

“For the past two years, I’ve had this guilt and like, hole in my chest? I think about you every day, I dream about you all the time. I miss you so fucking much it aches. Every day I want to talk to you, to see you, to touch you like I’ve done so many times before. I love you, every single day of my life, I love you. Ever since I’ve known you, I loved you, and every day from now on, I’ll love you. There is no doubt in my mind.” 

Anger between both of them has evaporated and somberness with a hint of nostalgia has dispersed. Bravely, Harry extends himself to grasp Louis’ hands. “I have your mark and you have mine. We have them because we belong together. And I promise you for the rest of our lives, I’ll make it up to you for the all the unhappiness I made you feel. I swear. I love you, Louis.” 

To emphasize, and to hopefully prove to Louis that them together is completely _right,_ Harry slowly leans in once he’s close enough. The same look Louis had at the bar is present; desire but with nervousness. Harry doesn’t stop until their lips meet once again for the second time in a couple of days. 

There’s nothing but relief running through Harry and he hopes Louis’ feeling the same. Their lips move in sync; it’s soft, warm and with the tang of bitter coffee. At thirty-five, Harry has butterflies blooming in his stomach wildly, making him smile in the kiss. Louis is holding on to him like he’s afraid to let go.   

Harry gets ahead of himself when he runs his tongue along Louis’ closed lips. Louis detaches himself from Harry hastily, breathing heavily. 

“I’m with someone,” Louis tells him weakly. Harry takes his hands. “I’m with someone that really cares about me.” 

“ _I_ care about you, Louis. More than he ever will.” He shakes his head, looking down to their intertwined fingers. They fit perfectly together.

“You don’t know that.” He’s hesitant; Harry expects it from him. This isn’t something Louis can accept with open arms and without being apprehensive and scared. Who’s to say Harry won’t make the same mistakes as before once things get settled again. 

“I’ve stepped down from the head of cardiology,” Harry tells him promisingly. “It takes away a lot of time I spend there. We can start over and just slowly go out on dates and see where it takes us. Louis, I’m willing to change a lot so I don’t make the same mistakes. I won’t let my job take over; I’ll devote myself to you, so we can eventually have that family. Doesn’t that sound good, baby?” 

Louis won’t stop staring at Harry and Harry never wants him to stop. He loves his eyes and how they sparkle when excited and deepened when he’s being passionate. They tell a lot on how he’s truly feeling, and right now, Harry can see he’s holding himself back. 

“It’s too late, Harry,” Louis says to him, regrettably. “I’ve got something good for me. And, and I’m happy with…with him.” 

“But I’m your soulmate, Louis. That’s more than enough, right?” 

“Not for us, Harry. I’m sorry.” 

Admittedly, this rejection pains Harry more than the first time. After everything, Louis still doesn’t want him and it’s a tough pill to swallow. 

It appears the conversation’s officially over when Louis stands and hurriedly puts on his shoes. He walks to the door, and with his hand on the doorknob, he turns. “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Harry. I don’t regret anything we’ve been through together. But a future with us together maybe wasn’t meant to happen. I’m sorry.”


	6. Six

  _Louis_  

Louis walks away from Harry’s apartment with a heavy heart. Nothing has been more difficult than walking away from his soulmate for the second time. He had every intention to arrive at Harry’s apartment with the goal of getting closure for their marriage, since becoming friends again. 

At least they were starting to be, but he isn’t so sure if they’ll be hanging out again after today. 

Louis loathes the grocery store. However it will eat sometime, so he doesn’t have to go home so soon. 

There’s no way he admits to it out loud, but he hates the silence when he’s home alone. Louis is a contradiction at the moment though because he wants to be alone with his thoughts. 

It’s finally his turn to get his items scanned at checkout, greeting the older lady to be polite. “Good morning.” 

“Did you find everything alright, sir?” 

He looks down at the two full bottles of vodka, half a dozen frozen meals and a bag of chips and nods. “Sure did, thanks.” 

The woman narrows her eyes slightly, holding back judgment and continues to scan the items. Louis pays and walks out into the cold. He shakes off a chill and gets in his car to go home. 

He’s been living in this apartment for the past two years and he still isn’t used to the unfamiliar feeling the place holds. No longer is there the smell of vanilla scented candles mixed with the aroma of dinner when he’s lucky to have Harry come home early from work. 

Louis misses it; he misses it so much. 

Now, most days he enters the apartment and it’s cold, empty, lifeless, and it’s similar how he feels inside. It’s not that much of a difference from last moments of his and Harry’s marriage, but he walked away from it in hopes for a change. 

It never meant to get to this point. They were never meant to be apart permanently. It’s killing Louis that it seems unmanageable for him to get to a place in his life where he’s at least content to go day by day with a genuine smile on his face. 

Louis drops the grocery bags on the kitchen table quietly, knowing Trevor is in fact here from his car being outside. He’s most likely sleeping still so Louis digs in for one of the tall bottles of vodka. He’s been craving a drink of after leaving Harry’s apartment. 

He quickly goes into his bedroom to check on Trevor, who’s dead to the world with his mouth right open, snoring away. Louis isn’t quite used to the loud snoring, he never had to deal with it with Harry, since his snores were soft and cute. But, he’ll let it slide for the time being after exhausting couple days with his sister in the hospital. 

Returning to the kitchen, Louis heats up one of the frozen meals, not feeling like cooking actual breakfast. He pours himself a glass of the vodka mixed with some leftover orange juice and takes a long sip. 

This certainly isn’t smart, but he’s quite mentally drained after the morning he had, so it calls for alcohol. Given the small amount of orange juice he poured into the drink, it tingles as the liquid goes down his throat. Louis only welcomes it as he drinks some more when the microwave beeps. 

With the only source of light coming from the hallway since the curtains are closed, Louis finds it difficult to see clearly in his bedroom. He opens the curtains momentarily to let in the light and slides into bed, careful to not disturb the snoring Trevor. 

The mixture of alcohol with his mental drowsiness are to blame for imagining the scene before him. He recalls the many times where Harry comes into their bedroom, waltzing in from the conjoined bathroom. There is no music in which he’s dancing to, but his curly boy could make a random rhythm to move along to. He put on a show for Louis’ eyes only, displaying the sole dimple as he smiles shyly as if he’s some innocent little shit. 

_“You’re being shy now, babe?” Louis would ask._

_Harry only steps closer to his side of the bed, swaying his hips with suaveness and lays himself on the mattress._

_Louis can see Harry laying down next to him, thanking the moonlight for being in a perfect position to cast some light on Harry’s pale, smooth face. His clear jade eyes are projecting, along with the light freckles and spots of imperfections. He could almost smell Harry’s shampoo and body wash radiating off him. Louis could picture his lips moving as he says, “You just make me feel all giddy, that’s all. It’s the best feeling.”_

_“Yeah?” Louis can hear himself say into the room._

_The Harry he’s retracting only gives him a bigger grin. “Everything you make me feel is the best feeling in the world, my love.”_

It’s all in Louis’ head but he swears it feels so _real._ So real and absolutely wonderful because the truth, the reality, is that he doesn’t have that anymore. He doesn’t have Harry dancing around the apartment to his own beat, saying sweet words that allow Louis to fall in love with him all over again. 

Instead, looking down to his right, the spot’s occupied by someone else. In any other case, this relationship would be the best to be in. It’s a man that cares about him so dearly regardless of his past divorce with his soulmate. 

Trevor tries his hardest to make Louis feel special. He sends him flowers even though Louis can’t keep them alive to save his life. He calls him on the days they don’t see each other because they’re too busy just to catch up on their day. For the past year that they’ve been together, Trevor’s been by Louis’ side on the days where it’s hard to get up from the bed. On the days where he feels more half than whole; the man really tries to fill the other half.   

He can try all he wants, but Louis knows the only person that can fill the other half is his soulmate. 

Everything could’ve changed today, though. Harry opened his heart to tell him that he still loved him. Without saying the words exactly Harry asked for another chance in their relationship. 

The opportunity was right in Louis’ face. 

He  _kissed_ Harry for fuck’s sake. He cheated on his boyfriend. It was just so hard to deny Harry; denying your soulmate after years of fully accepting him in every aspect of life is nearly impossible for him. He’s only human. 

For the past year that he’s been with Trevor, not one kiss has come close to being better than what Louis shared with Harry this morning. 

“Hey, babe,” a hoarse voice says beside him. “Good morning. Where were you last night? I was worried.” 

Louis stares straight on to the wall, his stomach turning knowing he’s going to lie to Trevor. “I accidentally slept at Niall’s and I left my phone in the car and it ran out of battery during the night.” 

He’s a shit person. He’s a shit person for wanting Harry’s lips instead of his boyfriend’s touching his neck. When Louis feels the soft hands running along his thighs over his sweats and stopping when they reach his crotch, he wants to feel Harry’s rough ones in its place. 

And when they have sex later on and Trevor tells Louis he loves him repeatedly, Louis only pictures Harry. 

** 

Trevor has an afternoon class to get to, so after a late breakfast, he leaves the apartment with a small smile and peck. “Love you, babe. I’ll talk to you later.” 

Louis’ invited by Niall and their friend Bebe to listen in on their recording session. 

When he arrives to the studio, he comes to find Bebe in the middle of a track, belting out a long note that only amazes him. Niall is in the middle of cheering her on when he notices Louis by the door. He gestures him over, telling Bebe to take a break. 

“What did you think, Lou?” she asks him, gathering her short blonde hair in a bun. 

“Fucking brilliant, as always.” 

She’s been working on her fourth studio album for the past few months. For the last ten years, Niall has been her right-hand man in the production and song-writing department. With his help and her natural talent, she’s quite successful and Louis continues to be so proud of his good friend. 

“Keep feeding my ego, love. Mama loves it.” Bebe ruffles his hair, knowing he hates it when his hair is messed up. Louis doesn’t even care the state of his hair; her joking and Niall’s silliness are a good distraction to take his mind elsewhere. 

Louis very much puts on a mask in front of his family and friends. Particularly on the topic of Harry since it’s been a common thing and a constant topic since the _Buzzfeed_ video filming. He feels it’s obligatory to keep his true emotions because they’ve changed since seeing Harry. 

It’s because it was him that initiated the divorce; he _wanted_ it. 

Well, maybe that isn’t all that true. 

Louis was unhappy, yes. He missed Harry every day and just wanted to be around him. But, to blurt out he wanted a divorce was the first time he ever thought of it? It was merely strategic in the sense that he thought Harry would see how serious he was and would fight to make things right again. 

So obviously it came as a shock when Harry agreed so quickly to the divorce. 

The opposite of what Louis hoped for happened and he remembers swallowing the biggest lump in his throat and went along with it. If it was what Harry wanted, Louis had no choice but to grant his wish. 

Every day since they finalized the divorce Louis thinks about Harry. When he landed an even bigger client than before, he immediately went to his phone to call Harry before he remembered they didn’t talk anymore. When Trevor asked Louis out and they went out on their first date, Harry’s who Louis pictured throughout the night. 

Them being soulmates could easily be the reason for the internal longing for Harry, but Louis likes to think it’s because he’s genuinely in love with the man. He wholeheartedly believes that if Harry wasn’t his soulmate, he’d still be as in love with Harry as he was and still is. 

“How are things, bro?” Niall asks Louis. As his best friend, he knows most of what’s been going on with Louis and his internal conflict regarding the Harry situation. 

He knows Louis has had some difficulty in being around him because it’s brought up some unanswered emotions. He’s aware of Louis’ attempt to have a platonic relationship to ease their bond and souls. However, he has no idea that Louis wants Harry so desperately. 

“Things are fine, yeah,” he lies. He’s avoiding looking the two in the eye because they are already suspicious of things since Harry has come back to his life. 

The whole _things are fine_ or _I’m alright_ are merely to push people away from prying the details of what he’s really thinking. But, these two are Louis’ closest friends and have known him long enough to see past the bullshit – Niall especially. 

“Lying doesn’t look too cute on you, Lou.” 

“Everything looks too cute on me, thank you very fucking much,” Louis snaps back at Niall. His defensiveness has become another tactic to get people off his back. And naturally, it’s not working in his favor at the moment with these two. 

Louis stops looking at everything else in the room and looks at Bebe and Niall, who are observing him with concerned expressions. Their eyes are a little wider than usual and their lips are in frowns; Louis is quite familiar with this look. 

It’s the look everyone and their mother gave him right after the divorce. His family and friends gave him pitied looks and he absolutely hated all of it. 

“Stop giving me those looks for fucks sake, I’m not dying.” 

“Louis.” Niall goes to sit next to him on the couch, putting his arm around him. “What’s going on. You don’t look so good.” 

Of course, he doesn’t look good. He has just come back from a morning spat with his ex-husband who confessed to him that he would like a second chance on their relationship. They even shared a kiss that Louis will _not_ admit he loved more than everything because that’s cheating. 

Harry’s confession has flipped his world all over again because Louis can’t stop thinking about the possibility of gaining everything he once had. If he did go for it he could experience the same loneliness he faced in his first marriage to Harry. 

Louis just doesn’t know what to think or how to go through this without having a mental breakdown. He’s pushing forty, it’s too much for him to have to handle. 

“I slept over at Harry’s last night,” he starts with. To this Bebe and Niall explode, perhaps the wording wasn’t the best to go with. 

_“What the fuck are you talking about you slept at Harry’s?”_

_“Did you guys fuck?”_

_“Niall! We don’t care about that!”_

_“Well, what else could he have done to spend the night! Shut up Bebe, don’t hit me.”_

“I swear I’m dealing with children,” Louis mutters, twisting in his seat as he waits for his stupid, overly excited friends to calm the fuck down. “If you _must_ know, we did not sleep with each other.” 

“Damn,” Niall pouts. It wasn’t that Niall didn’t like Louis’ relationship with Trevor, because the two get along just great and he appreciates how the man respects and treats his best friend. _But_ it’s not Harry, and it’s clear who Niall prefers for Louis. 

“I just. We’ve been needing to have a talk about the divorce because there’s obvious tension that needs to be resolved.” 

“It’s called sexual tension, Louis.” 

“Shut up, Niall. Anyways I finally had the guts last night to just _talk_ to him, so I got his address from Liam and went late. But I was tired after being in the hospital with Trevor and his sister and he was tired, but he was there for a bit also, so he just told me to sleep on the couch and we’d talk in the morning. In the morning we talked and…fuck.” 

There’s a phone that chimes in the room, no one goes to check. Bebe and Niall wait for Louis to continue. “He had a valid excuse for missing that day and he apologized for everything and so did I. And I seriously thought that would be it and we’d moved on to be just friends but then he just kept on going and going.” 

“About what?” Bebe wonders, reaching for his hand to comfort him when Louis’ emotions start to show. 

“That he’ll make it up to me and that he still loves me. He fucking dared to insinuate for a second chance and now I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

The three sigh and forbid to say a word for a moment, taking in what Louis’ said. Niall’s the one who asks Louis, “And what are you thinking about exactly?” 

Louis looks straight at Niall and swallows. “He’s my soulmate and I want to give him a second chance.” 

“Then why won’t you?” 

“Because I’ll risk him hurting me again and leaving me alone and I just can’t do that again, Niall. I really can’t. I want a fucking family already and I don’t think he’ll give me that right now. And I have someone that will.” 

Niall gestures for Bebe to hug Louis with him. They hold him tightly and Louis feels all the love they’re giving him, and he appreciates it so much. They finally detach themselves from Louis, but not without giving him a peck on the forehead each. 

“I say we go out,” Bebe announces, looking down on the screen of her phone. “Louis needs a night out to forget everything and Niall and I deserve to let loose after working so much.” 

“Oh, so Bebe, you mean _you_ want to go wild tonight?” Louis teases her. He’s thankful that it seems they aren’t going to push the incident and his thoughts further. Louis does truly want a break and let some alcohol take over in its place. 

She sticks her tongue out at him and flips him off. “Maybe so.” 

“She’s going to be on the loose tonight. All men and women need to be warned. She’s coming for them.”

“Shut up the both of you. Anyways, bring Hailee with you, Niall. I miss her and prefer her than you assholes.” 

Niall and Louis simultaneously gasp dramatically to further get on her nerves. Most of the time, their behavior makes them appear like a couple of eleven-year-olds – nowhere nearing forty. 

“Oh! And you can bring Trevor. If you want, Lou,” Bebe adds. There’s a slight hesitance to her voice that Louis doesn’t miss. It doesn’t surprise him after the talk they had about the mess that is his life. 

To be honest, a night out with a lot of people mixed with alcohol would be such a bad mix for Louis and Trevor at the moment. There’s no telling what can spew out of Louis’ mouth when alcohol is involved. Fortunately for him, Trevor has to be out of town in the morning, so a night out couldn’t happen for him. 

“Trevor’s leaving town in the morning, so he won’t be up for it, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh, boo.” Now, there’s no missing the sarcasm in Niall’s voice. Louis chooses to let it go. 

“It’s fine. I just want alcohol and I’ll be alright.” 

** 

Louis can’t tell how much he's drunk after his third vodka soda. He’s sure his bank statements would kindly remind him sooner or later. But that is a worry for another day, tonight he’s dancing. Dancing with strangers and his friends and it’s become the best distraction. 

Of course, he still thinks about Harry throughout the night. Instead of desiring his boyfriend to be grinding up behind him and touching the curves of his body, it’s Harry he’s wanting. He remembers Harry having the tendency of getting way into dancing at the club. 

Harry loved showing off what he had, and Louis loved being showed off by him. It gave him so much confidence to know Harry was proud to have him on his arm in front of everyone around them. 

Niall and Hailee bailed some time ago, claiming the babysitter couldn’t stay the entire night. But the look of lust on their faces told a completely different story to Louis, so he happily gave them big hugs and told them to enjoy making baby number three. 

Bebe, on the other hand, has managed to squeeze herself in between a couple, being in the middle of a very attractive man and woman. Eventually, she winks at Louis when she informs him that they’re taking her home, just to make sure she gets there safe, of course. 

“Are you going to head out?” Bebe yells to be heard over the loud music. He lies to her and says there’s an Uber on the way, so she can head out even though his phone has not been touched for hours. 

If she knew Louis wanted to stay a little longer to drink and dance, she wouldn’t have left with the couple. So to avoid being a cockblock, Louis simply fibbed, therefore she could have her fun. She gives a drunken wave as the two strangers drag her away. 

“Turn your locations on!” Louis yells at her and she returns a thumbs up, making him feel better. 

He’s left alone and really doesn’t mind when he heads back to the bar and orders another drink. Drunk and sensual strangers are relentless against each other, feeling free and moving along with the music. No worries are thought of here, the outside world is put in the back burner momentarily and Louis can’t help but embrace it. 

When he’s done with his drink, he stumbles to the middle of the dance floor and squeezes his way through and starts swaying along happily. Louis’ welcomed with open arms as people make room for him to move around. 

There are smiles all around; Louis closes his eyes and beams as he listens to the upbeat music. Sooner or later, he isn’t quite sure, he feels a pair of arms wrap around him and begins to press their body touching Louis’. 

The little sober side of him knows he should pull away and not lead the person on; he’s done more than enough to jeopardize his and Trevor’s relationship already. But, the feeling of these bigger hands around his waist feel oddly familiar and he can’t get enough of it. 

With his eyes already closed, Louis imagines Harry behind him and he sighs in contentment. Sweat picks up with how close he is to the stranger and the humidity of the room with the several people around. 

In the next song, the stranger chooses that time to lean forward and press his lips on Louis’ exposed shoulder. “You’re such a great dancer, hun.” 

“Don’t talk, just dance,” Louis instructs the man.

The man obeys Louis by not talking and continuing on to dance, but suddenly he gets ballsy by trailing his wandering hands and stopping on the swell of Louis’ ass. “Do you want to get out of here? We can get in my Lamborghini and play around in there. Does that sound good?” 

“Get your filthy hands off my ass,” Louis slurs, moving away. He turns to get the first look of the stranger. He looks nothing like Harry – not that Louis was expecting him too. Just because their hands are a bit similar, doesn’t mean he’ll resemble Harry everywhere else. 

“Oh, c’mon, hun. You’re gagging for it. Aren’t you?” He crowds Louis when he notices him backing away. They stop when Louis’ back hits the wall. 

The room might as well be spinning for Louis, he regrets having drunk so much throughout the night. As long as he gets his drunk ass home safely and away from this asshole, everything will be fine. So with as much strength as he can muster, Louis pushes the man. 

“Get the fuck away from me, you horndog.” The man persistently gets back near him, and Louis has had enough. “Don’t make me hit you.” 

Tauntingly, the man laughs at Louis’ threat. “You won’t do shit, short stuff. Now let’s get into my car, yeah?” 

The man’s dark eyes bore into Louis’, smirking at him when Louis tries to stumble around him to get away. He’s looking more annoyed now, so he grips his arm to move him toward the exit. Louis isn’t having it and starts swinging until he makes contact with the man’s face. 

_“You son of a bitch!”_  

Louis takes that moment to leave the scene and the circle created around them by the groups of people near them. He isn’t aware of the scene and just bumps into people until he’s outside in the fresh air. The bouncer at the door eyes him warily as he bounces through the doors, but Louis turns to give him a drunken bright grin and fishes out his phone out of his pants pocket. 

He walks to the parking lot of the place to wait for the Uber he orders when he sees an orange Lamborghini parked prettily. This must be the man’s car because Louis sees no other Lamborghinis in sight; he abruptly gets an idea.  

Walking to the gate on the left side of the parking lot, Louis finds a golf ball sized rock. He picks it up and gets closer to the sports car the man was going to throw him in. And without seeing the said stranger from the club behind running towards him, Louis throws the rock at the windshield. 

_“What the fuck!”_

Louis doesn’t remember much after that, except for the feeling of cold, metal handcuffs tightening around his wrists. 

\-- 

It’s a harsh hit of reality when Louis wakes up on a bench in an empty jail cell. However, where he’s in is the last of his worries because the pounding headache is absolutely unbearable. Every time he goes out to drink without a limit in mind, he always ends up telling himself that he’s no longer twenty-one years old and can handle everything he drinks.

 

“Tomlinson?” a rough voice calls out when he sees Louis waking up from his slumber. 

“What did I do?” Louis groans, clutching his head in his hands in agony. His shirt’s dirty and wrinkled and his black pants have a bunch of faded white smudges. “Fuck, I can’t remember anything.” 

As much as he tries to recall the events of the night before, Louis can’t for the life of him come up with anything. How much did he have to drink to blackout for most of the night? He instantly wondered where Niall, Hailee, and Bebe were and if they got in trouble with him. However, he doubts it because they’d be there with him if that were the case. 

The police officer is on the other side of the bars, looking on with amusement as Louis scrunches his face in concentration to remember anything significant. He doesn’t look much older than Louis, probably in his mid-forties; Louis guesses he looks much older and rougher than normal. 

“Does a pretty Lamborghini come to mind?” 

_Oh. Right._ A bright orange Lamborghini does come to mind, along with the shattered windshield that Louis caused with a pretty accurate throw of a rock. The owner of the car absolutely freaked out and nearly hit Louis himself if a police car wasn’t already nearby to see the scene. 

Louis had been so frustrated with the man for touching him in places where he specifically told him not to. He just wanted to feel his hands for a bit because they felt like Harry’s, and it all ended up in flames and him in a jail cell. 

“Fuck.” 

“Fuck indeed. But lucky for you, the man isn’t pressing charges,” the officer informs him. 

Louis jumps up from the bench. “Really? Then why am I still here? Let me out!” 

“Not so fast, sir. You’re still being charged with public intoxication.” 

Fuck. Well, that isn’t as bad as vandalism, so Louis will take it. He runs his hands through his filthy hair and asks the officer, “So what do I do?” 

“Well if you have someone to come bail you out, you can leave and just have to attend court where they’ll tell you to pay a fine and do some community service.” 

“That’s not too bad.” 

“Do you have someone you can call?” He’s still a little drunk, nowhere near being sober so no judgment should be made when he tells the officer he does have someone to call. 

Louis looks behind him to see the time since they confiscated his phone to see it’s only six in the morning. It’s an ungodly hour but Louis only wants one person to save his drunk ass and luckily for him, the phone’s picked up after the third ring. 

_“’lo?”_  

Louis pauses shyly. “Harry?”

_“Louis? Is everything alright? Why are you calling me so early, what’s wrong?”_ Harry fires each question one by one without giving Louis a chance to answer him. Louis can’t help but chuckle at Harry’s worry. 

“I’m fine, really. But I’m wondering if you do me a huge favor?” 

_“Anything, what’s going on? Where are you?”_ Louis thinks Harry’s uneasiness is adorable, and it just makes him want to kiss his entire face and then some. 

“I’m in jail. Can you come bail me out?” 

Louis gives him a quick rundown of what occurred, explaining everything starting from the man being aggressively pushy in the club and finishing when he threw the rock at the car. A sigh is heard from the other line. _“I swear, only you, Lou. I’ll be there soon.”_  

** 

“You’re still drunk,” is the first thing Louis hears before he sees Harry with the officer. He’s looking comfortably in black gym shorts and an oversized sweatshirt and beanie. He looks beautiful, Louis thinks to himself. 

“I think I am, “ Louis tells him confidently, walking towards him. 

Harry only shakes his head with a small smirk. “You scared the shit out of me when you called. But I’m glad you’re okay. Ready to go?” 

The officer hands Louis’ possessions: his wallet, phone, and keys, and bids the two farewell. “Listen, Harry, I’ll pay you back for bailing me out.”

He’s waved off. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t much.”

“Absolutely not.” Louis’ says firmly. “I am giving you the money back.” 

“Louis, you’re still drunk. Let me take you home.” Harry chooses to ignore him, leading him towards his car. Once they reach it, Harry opens the passenger side door and waits for Louis to securely be inside before closing the door and walking over to the driver’s side. 

Before he knows it, Harry’s parked outside Louis’ apartment. He shuts off the car and sits there waiting. What he’s waiting for, Louis doesn’t know and he’s still a tad tipsy to try to figure it out. 

“I guess I just want to know one thing,” Harry speaks up, turning to Louis. “Why did you call me?” 

Louis can’t tell him the truth, no matter how much he wants to. Harry can’t know he’s all that’s been on Louis’ mind. Well, he’s been on his mind for two years but Louis’ never done anything about it. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I was drunk. I’m sorry I inconvenienced you, I’ll pay you back tomorrow and we’ll move on.” Louis suppresses his desire to lean over for a kiss and confess how he truly feels and instead gets out of the car. “Thank you for bailing me out, Harry.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

** 

**July 6 th, 2018.** 

It’s a week after being arrested when Trevor’s comes home from his short trip and surprises Louis with a gift. “Louis, babe? I’m back and have a little something for you.” 

It feels like Louis is still recovering from the world’s worst hangover even a few days after drinking. He’s vowed to not leave his bed under any circumstances. Even though he’s curious as to what Trevor’s brought him, he’ll just have to wait until he finds him. 

Soon enough, his boyfriend gently knocks on the door and comes inside with a soft smile. “Hey, hermit. How are you? I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too.” Louis’ being honest. He truly did miss him a bit; he has to after being with him for over a year and him being gone for a few days. “You mentioned a little something for me?” 

“Oh, so you did hear me?” 

“Yes, you ass. Now, what is it?” 

Trevor joins Louis under the covers, pressing a kiss to his lips. He instantly notices his scent. While Trevor has a woodsy scent, Harry has a fruity one. He’d never admit out loud which he prefers.

“In two hours we’re going to the spa to have a spa day. We’re going to relax and get pampered. And then after, I’m going to be taking you to a romantic dinner. How does that sound?” 

Truthfully, Louis’ never heard of something more perfect. He squeals excitedly and presses multiple kisses to Trevor’s jaw. “That sounds perfect.” 

Since they still have a couple more hours before they need to head over to the spa, they choose to take a small nap in preparation. As if they’re not going to be relaxing enough. Trevor hums in satisfaction as he pulls in Louis closer, breathing in the crisp detergent smell from Louis’ freshly washed clothes and bedsheets. 

“I just love taking care of you, my love. You deserve it.” 

Louis has something so wonderful in Trevor and he’d be stupid to let that go only to take a risk with Harry. This is why he can’t go back to a relationship that once failed. Trevor has shown nothing but adoration and love towards Louis; he’s sincerely a great boyfriend. He’s done so much to show Louis he’s completely devoted to him and their relationship is important to him. 

Louis should feel that he’s the happiest with Trevor. Trevor checks off all the boxes that qualifies him a perfect boyfriend. But even after over a year of their relationship, Louis can’t shake off the feeling of something missing. 

It’s not _something_ that’s missing, it’s _someone._

_**_

_Harry_

**July 2 nd, 2018.**

The official job offer comes a couple days later when Harry’s at his parents’ house and he’s browsing through his work email. When the subject line states _Boston Children’s Hospital,_ he rushes to click on the email. The message is brief and doesn’t give too much away, only asks if Harry can give the current chief of staff a call as soon as possible. 

After an hour phone call and several questioning looks from his nosy mother, Harry has a job offer to be Chief of Staff at fucking Boston Children’s Hospital. 

Harry’s left staring at his locked phone, unable to believe this wonderful opportunity given to him. This wasn’t part of his plan when he decided he wanted to be a doctor. 

However, this position is a whole new level of success that not very many get the chance to have. And before, he looked at this as an opportunity coming at a bad time because he chose to pursue Louis once again, but now that he knows it’s not going to happen, it would be silly of him to pass this up.  

“Sweetheart?” His mom sits next to him on the couch tentatively, taking his phone away and placing it next to her. “I didn’t want to listen in too much, I really didn’t want to be nosy.” 

That breaks Harry’s trance, giggling at her. He gives his beautiful mom a look and opens his arms inviting her in. He can’t help but think back to the days where he was the small one; the small boy being engulfed by his mom’s loving embrace. It’s crazy to think he’s much older now; nowhere near being the little boy. 

“It’s okay, mom.” He kisses the top of her head. “I got a job offer.” 

She pulls back, giving themselves room to see each other at the same level. Harry notices the increased amount of wrinkles near her eyes and around her smile. Her hair isn’t that dark anymore like when he was younger. However, her same blueish eyes with a hint of green like his own are the same. And thirty-five years later, he believes she’s still the prettiest woman in the world. 

Talking about her eyes, they brighten when she registers what Harry’s said. “Really? Is it good?” 

“It’s chief of staff. That’s like the _big_ boss.” 

“Like Dr. Weber from Grey’s Anatomy? That kind of big boss?” 

“The very same.” Ellie, the cat chooses that moment to strolling right in, making herself at home in between them on the couch. She gives a particularly loud purr when both he and Anne scratch behind her little ears.

“And which hospital is the position at?” Anne asks, looking back up to her son. 

Harry stutters to tell her, knowing it would upset her just a bit. “Boston Children’s Hospital.” 

“Oh.” She immediately sniffs, trying to mask it but failing nonetheless. But Harry doesn’t have a second to explain and calm her because she bounces right up and gives him a firm look. “Okay, I’m not going to get emotional because I know you’re going to take this position.”

“And how can you be so sure of that?” 

“Because I know my son,” she says gently, taking his cheeks and squeezing them tightly like she’s done the last thirty-five years. “This is amazing for you, Harry. It’s time for you to start new and explore a place and life outside of California. It’s been hard for you, and this is what you’ve been needing.” 

After all the heartbreak Harry’s experienced since the divorce, no one’s felt it harder than Anne. She’s had to see her son, although a full-grown adult in his thirties, lose his soulmate from his mistakes. It’s something that could have been prevented. Louis walking away has done a number on Harry. 

Harry knows she wants him to be happy again. He knows that she thinks the move is the best thing for him. “You need to let yourself be happy again, Harry. Stop punishing yourself because of your mistakes.” 

“I just miss him so much,” Harry whispers to her, placing Ellie on the floor so he can be closer to Anne. “I didn’t know breaking up with your soulmate felt like this.” 

“Once we’ve had them, we just crave them more,” she tells him, wrapping her arms as much as she can and leaning back on the couch and bringing him with her. Harry doesn’t even worry about squishing her, he knows she doesn’t care. 

He pulls on the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his nose and eyes. Anne continues, “Once the bond has been officially formed, we need those simple and intimate touches to keep us going. And when don’t get that, and when we know we aren’t going to get them, it rips our hearts out.” 

Harry isn’t sure how Anne knows how it feels – how _he_ feels because she’s nailing it. Harry’s dad isn’t her soulmate, his step-dad, Robin is and they’re still together and only getting stronger as the years go by. 

“But. But, but, but, my little one, you don’t deserve to keep going this way. You’ve realized your mistakes and you move on. Louis’ had to have forgiven you if he allowed you to become somewhat friends again.” 

He shakes his head. “But how the hell am I meant to get over this?” 

“Did Costa Rica help a bit? Did it manage to get your mind away from here?” 

It did. The ache wasn’t as present as it is now because Harry was so far away. The demanding work managed to get his mind away from it all even just a little bit and to the point where he felt that he moved on. But the moment he returned to Los Angeles and walked into Buzzfeed to do the damn video and relive their wedding day, all the feelings returned. 

“Yeah, it did. A little,” Harry admits. “The opportunity seems good in my situation but what about you and Robin? And Gemma? I’d be so far away from all of you.” 

“Oh sweetheart, don’t worry about that. We’ve got technology that makes it feel like you’re right here with us. You should try this out, Harry. Start thinking of your happiness.” 

It’s hard to think of happiness without Louis Tomlinson included, but Harry has no choice but to figure out how to accomplish it. 

“He’s moved on, it’s time you do too.” 

** 

**July 5 th, 2018.**

It’s been a couple days and Harry can’t get his mind to stop thinking about the job offer. Thankfully he’s given time to make his decision due to the fact that he’d be moving cross-country. He’s told Liam and Zayn of his potential job change and move, and while they don’t like the thought of them being states away, they’re supportive nonetheless. 

Before he makes a decision he thinks he deserves to treat himself. Harry brings Liam and Zayn along to help him buy a new car. He’d figure it’d be a good idea to buy a brand new one to possibly bring to Boston since he would opt to drive cross country. Robin and his mom were going to be driving the U-Haul with all his things, saying they wanted help settle him in if he decides to take the job offer. Harry would feel like they’re sending him off to college all over again. 

However, he really desires to drive there alone though. The scenery across the several states would do him good; it would give him a sense of peace as he begins this new journey. 

Again, if he takes the offer. 

The three men are stood in front of one of the most gorgeous cars they’ve ever seen. Harry can’t take his eyes off the shiny black paint, he’s practically drooling over the interior and everything about it in general. 

“And it should be fine to drive cross-country?” Harry asks the car dealer. 

The man only smirks in response. “These babies are meant to be driven and used. You’ll be perfectly fine, sir. I can assure you.” 

“Get it,” Liam states. 

“Fucking get it,” Zayn orders him. 

Harry looks back to the car dealer and reaches his hand out and they shake firmly. “Looks like I’m fucking getting it.” 

“I should’ve been a doctor, so I can afford one of these,” Zayn angrily mutters to himself. “Wait. Liam, you’re a doctor! Be a good husband and buy me one. You can afford it!” 

Liam glares at Harry as Zayn continues to beg like a child wanting a new shiny toy at the store. “Now look at what you did.” 

After tons of paperwork and calming down a squealing Zayn and Liam, the keys are handed to Harry and he’s driving off the lot, in his new Maserati. 

**

**July 6 th, 2018. **

This particular day has been way too much for him, Harry thinks when he leaves the operating room after several hours of surgery. He’s been involved in the hiring process for the next head of cardiology while making his rounds and doing his usual surgeries. The workload has temporarily been heavy, but in due time Harry knows it’ll subside. 

Before heading out for the night, Harry makes one more round to his patients. He’s thinking of take out for dinner, although most places are most likely closed for the day. There’s a cute little restaurant with a duck breast plate that’s to die for. 

He feels like splurging on the overpriced duck in addition to the beer and Netflix at home. It sounds like a perfect night for him. 

Making sure to say goodbye to Liam on his way out, Harry practically runs to his car and opens the Google Maps app to get the directions for the restaurant. He arrives in no time and is happy to see it not being too busy tonight. There’s no point in going into the dining section because he isn’t planning to dine in, so he goes to the hostess and tells him he wants to carry out. 

“It’s a little quiet today, isn’t it?” Harry makes conversation with the hostess as he waits for his food to be made. 

“Oh, we had to close out part of a dining room section. There’s a man proposing to his boyfriend by the end of their dinner,” she informs him. 

A happy couple is ready to embark on the journey of marriage; Harry wishes them well. He remembers the excitement he felt the night he proposed to Louis. The perfect diamond band for Louis’ ring finger was picked out months prior. Harry tried to set up a romantic setting, so they could remember to tell everyone, but he forewent everything one random morning. 

One spontaneous morning, Louis lost a client when they consistently bumped heads on multiple designs and illustrations. Every piece Louis showed them was turned down until the client had enough and fired Louis. 

Harry woke up to Louis crying softly from being so upset, and it was one of the worse sights he’d ever seen. Louis kept chanting that he failed and wasn’t good enough for the client, and Harry could only cuddle him fiercely and made sure Louis knew he was wrong. 

Instead of making it a bad day for Louis, Harry spread himself closer to his bedside nightstand and pulling out the black box from inside the drawer. 

No romance behind the proposal, but forever a moment Harry will remember because Louis ended up having the biggest smile throughout the day. 

However, he gives props to the man who’s proposing to his boyfriend for renting out a room at a classy restaurant as this one. 

“Good for them,” Harry eventually mumbles, not even sure if the hostess is paying attention to him anymore. 

As he waits a little longer for his food, Harry continuously yawns into his hands and pats his stomach when it grumbles with hunger. He hears whispers amongst the employees exciting stating the man’s about to propose and to get ready to take the candid pictures the man wants. 

Harry will not admit to it, but the curiosity gets the best of him and he makes his way to the secluded dining room with the rest of the employees. Only hanging back and not making himself stick out among everyone else peeking in the room, Harry is still able to get a good look at the couple. 

Immediately, his throat closes up and his eyes widen, not capable of believing the scene before him. Roses are scattered throughout the room, along with candles lit in several places around the couple. 

Harry sees a man on his knee, holding his boyfriend’s hands as he professes his love to him. He talks about being incredibly lucky to have found him at an important time in his life. He also mentions the other man’s failed history and how he no way intends to hurt him in such a way. 

The ring is finally pulled out from the man’s pocket and the infamous question is asked. 

_“Will you marry me?”_

The hostess and a few waiters _aww_ at the sweet speech given and wait impatiently for the other man’s answer. Behind them Harry is hoping and praying the question isn’t answered; he doesn’t know if his heart could take any more. 

Unexpectedly, his eyes meet the man being proposed to; his expression mirroring Harry’s. However, unable to move, Harry remains standing in his spot. Tearful without a care of who’s seeing him, Harry stares at him. 

_Please say no. Please say no._

Harry skips hearing Louis’ answer to Trevor and bolts out of the restaurant. 


	7. Seven

_Louis_

What the fuck is happening. 

Louis feels rapid heartbeats as if his heart is threatening to bust out of his chest. He ducks down to see Trevor on one knee, a beautiful silver band that is an engagement ring perched in a navy velvet box. 

Trevor himself looks handsome in a black blazer with a gray shirt underneath. His dark hair is styled nicely, just the way Louis said he loved it on their first date. 

This is what Louis wanted. He chose this when he went to wrap things up with Harry. Ultimately Louis chose the stability and comfortableness that comes along with Trevor over the unpredictability that would entail with Harry. 

A second chance in a marriage is what Louis would be getting when he says yes to Trevor – who is still waiting for him patiently. _If_ he says yes, that is. 

“Louis, babe, what do you say? I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Trevor grins with hopeful eyes. 

The waiters can be seen from the corner of his eyes and when Louis goes to look up, his eyes instantly lock with lovely green ones, barely contained shocked washing over his face. The same lovely shade of green he fell in love with the day he and Harry met. Right after he recovered from the pain of his soulmate mark branding his arm, he took a better look at Harry’s eyes and was immediately captivated. 

He’s loved those eyes for more than ten years and to this day, Louis can’t picture loving any other more. 

Harry looks crushed and its breaking Louis’ heart seeing him witness this. But how in the hell did he out of all people end up here right at this moment? 

It looks like along with the waiters and Trevor, Harry’s waiting to see Louis answer. 

However, it appears in a short minute Harry changes his mind in sticking around when Louis is faced with his retreating figure. 

Instead of having a yearning to say yes to Trevor, he can’t help but having a stronger desire to follow Harry. He’d always want to follow Harry, he’d be stupid not to because that’s his soulmate. 

Regrettably, Louis has to deal with this situation first. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, he motions for Trevor to stand. The waiters behind them sense the change of air in the room as they awkwardly scatter to do their jobs on the other side of the restaurant. 

Trying to keep his emotions at bay, Louis tries to choose his words carefully and looks down to his hands. “Fuck, I hate this.” 

Things haven’t been fair to Trevor since Harry and Louis reconciled. Here’s an amazing man with all the love to give, and unfortunately the one receiving it is about to break his heart. 

If Louis had known his plans for a proposal, he would’ve ended it before they got here. He can’t imagine the embarrassment Trevor must be feeling, and it only makes Louis feel guiltier. 

“Wow,” Trevor lets out a laugh of disbelief. “No matter how many times my mom told me to maybe wait a bit more to propose, I just didn’t want to listen.”

“Trevor, I can explain-” 

Trevor raises his hand to stop Louis from going any further. “I guess I shouldn’t even be surprised. It was to be expected after all these months.” 

Had he been the only one that thought he and Harry could continue as friends? “I didn’t intend to-” 

“I’m not your soulmate. It’s just that plain and simple. With Harry in your life and after so many years’ worth of memories between you two, I’m nothing in comparison.” 

Louis silently glances around the room to see if they were still alone, and when he sees they are, he goes back to Trevor. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was happy with you and cared about you so much. You have been such a blessing.” 

“Did I make you unhappy?” 

Shaking his head, Louis grasps his hand and frowns when Trevor pulls back. “Never. You made me feel so special and loved. Believe me.” 

“But I’m not Harry.” 

Trevor places his hand on Louis’ back tentatively. Tears have been spilled from both their eyes. This is not easy at all to end, if things were different Louis could have said yes. If he hadn’t met his soulmate and didn’t spend more than a decade making incredible memories full of love and life, he’d say yes. 

He’s not Harry Styles, that was the only problem. 

“Go to him, Louis. I think I’ll live.” Rooted in his seat, Louis can only look at his now ex-boyfriend in disbelief. He’d never imagine Trevor would intentionally push him to Harry, he doesn’t know who would ever do that. “Just go, Lou. He’s your soulmate.” 

Louis pecks him on the cheek, apologizes one more time and hurriedly runs to the door. The humid air shocks his body the moment he steps outside. Though he doesn’t care at the moment. 

He turns to the left towards the parking lot and searches for Harry’s car he remembers seeing after filming the _Buzzfeed_ video but doesn’t find it. 

It’s when he walks closer does he hear music blasting from a black Maserati, a hunched over figure still against the steering wheel. Once he’s closer to the car, he knows it’s Harry. When did he suddenly become an owner of a Maserati?

Here he goes. 

Luckily his shadow grabs Harry’s attention from inside the car and they begin staring each other down. Man, he got lucky with his soulmate because Louis has never seen a more beautiful person. 

Despite no longer being in their twenties for quite some time now, Harry still has such a young face. When meeting Harry, he still had some baby fat on his cheeks and a boyish charm along with it. As he got to know him, Louis learned Harry had lots of insecurities in how he looked and in his intelligence. 

But as they continued on in life, Louis has witnessed him lose the baby fat and grow from his insecurities. He turned into a wonderful man and Louis hates that he had to miss two or so years of him continuing to flourish. 

His cheekbones are sharp, and his jawline could easy cut anything. However, his hair isn’t as curly as it used to be but it’s still as dark and frames his face perfectly. Louis just misses his dimple, but it’s nowhere to be found through Harry’s stern expression. 

Harry might be angry, but Louis isn’t going anywhere. He’s going to stand his ground until Harry gets out of the car and they talk. Because Louis’ here to win him back, he wants his soulmate back. 

It’s been far too long, and Harry has proven to have suffered enough and made changes to be better. Harry was brave enough to lay all his feelings down on the table in his apartment and Louis was an idiot to deny him after it. 

If Harry would get out of his damn boujee sports car, so Louis can start fighting for their relationship back, that would be nice. He sees the appeal of staying in the fancy car, but Harry really needs to get out so they can talk. 

And if he has to climb on top of the hood of this Maserati, then so be it. 

He just hopes Harry will take him back after denying him time and time again. Louis loves him so much. 

“Are you going to get out of the car?” 

**

_Harry_  

“That’s  _my_ fucking soulmate.” Harry resumes repeating to himself when he gets back into his car. “He’s meant to be with _me.”_

His food is forgotten with Harry no longer having an appetite as he quickly marches to his car while fishing out his car keys. Feeling safe in his car, Harry takes several deep breaths to calm himself down. His heartbeat is decreasing in speed and his palms are no longer sweating. 

He tilts his head back and closes his eyes, no desires in turning on the ignition and driving at the moment. But rather than wait until he’s in the comfort of his own home with all the privacy, Harry simple lets out a sob in the car. 

However, Harry discovers something that astonishes him: he felt no anger towards Trevor. He felt no animosity. Instead, there’s only aching. Tears ambush him until he’s able to control himself. 

“I have to stop,” Harry mumbles. _I’m crying like a child when I’m thirty-five._  

This is the thing that has pushed Harry over the edge of this unsuccessful relationship. He has to put his foot down at this self-pitying but it’s just so  _hard_ because it’s his _soulmate_ for crying out loud. 

Harry has to force his mind to conform to this new, hard reality. He has to accept that his and Louis’ relationship has been lived, that it was now a sentence with a period. 

Had he established a balance between devoting his time to work and time with his husband, everything would have been different. But because he was Harry, the thought of helping and saving lives distracted him from his partner waiting for him at home. 

From the driver’s seat, Harry abruptly sees a flash of a body standing in front of his car. 

It’s Louis. 

Obviously, Harry’s wondering what the fuck he’s doing out here and in front of his car when he should be inside with his new fiancé celebrating their new engagement. 

The night is moist and quite humid and muggy after a slight unexpected rainfall on and off throughout the day. It’s unbearable to Harry yet Louis is out there as if there’s nothing wrong with the weather. The lights from outside the restaurant and a street lamp are the only way Harry’s able to see Louis clearly. 

A stare down starts between the two, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Harry’s overwhelmed by everything going on that he refused to move a muscle, much less get out of the car. 

He’s assuming more heartbreak will come about if he gets out, so he’ll stay safe inside. But of course, he’d like to know the reason why Louis’ out here, staring at him with a blank expression. 

“Are you going to get out of the car?” Louis asks him, his voice almost inaudible from the outside. 

“No.” Harry makes sure his voice is a little louder, so it could be heard. 

“Let me explain, Harry.” 

He’s tired of all of the explaining and _talking_ they’ve done where it’s gotten them nowhere. It only keeps him and Louis going in circles with the same outcome, them not together and only growing the discomfort between them. 

“There’s no point, Louis. Just forget it. I’m sorry I was eavesdropping.” Grabbing his key, Harry sticks it into the ignition and turning it until the car comes to life. The bright headlights make Louis a lot more visible, but Harry just wants him to move so he can go home. 

“Let me explain!” 

“Louis,  _move._ Go back inside with your fiancé and live happily ever after. You deserve it, just get out of the way!” Harry’s frustration grows the more Louis refuses to move; he doesn’t see the point in this game Louis’ playing. 

There’s hope that the shrugging off would make Louis get the hint and see Harry doesn’t care and just heads back inside, but Harry has a feeling that’s not going to happen. And he’s right because Louis stands his ground with his hands on his hips and his head tilted as to say _well? I’m not leaving._

Groaning, he honks the horn, starling Louis and responds with flipping Harry off. 

“I’m not leaving until you let me fucking talk.” 

What could there possibly be to talk about? Harry throws his hands up. “What is there to talk about, Louis! Nothing! So move out of the way and let me go home!” 

If he wasn’t backed up against the wall, Harry would’ve reversed and sped home by now. But he’s boxed in by this five-foot nine man, there’s no way around him. 

Supposing he has to wait until Louis gives up, Harry lowers his head to rest on the steering wheel. The radio’s on quietly in the background, the DJ taking in calls from listeners who need life advice. He’d do good with some advice right about now in the predicament he’s in. 

With his car weirdly shaking suddenly, Harry’s head now snaps up, come to find Louis  _climbing onto the hood of his car._

_What the hell._

Harry can’t believe what he’s seeing; Louis has the audacity to scramble on top of his new Maserati until his face presses the secured windshield. 

“You’re going to listen to me, you little shit,” Louis says crossly. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Louis, you’re crazy, get off my car!” 

“Not until you listen to what I have to say!” 

He gives up. Harry turns off the car, the headlights are off and Harry angrily jumps out. The weather is gross; he’s quickly starting to sweat from the humidity. 

“Alright,” Harry huffs. “You got me out of the car, what do you want?” 

Satisfied, Louis slides off the hood with a smug look. He dusts off his pants and fixes the front of his hair and finally questions, “What were you doing here tonight?”

“I was getting dinner to go,” Harry shrugs. “I didn’t know you were here until the hostess said something about a couple about to get engaged and I wanted to take a peek.” 

“So you had no idea what was happening tonight?”

“Lou, do you seriously think I’d bring my ass here to watch you get engaged to another man?” Harry exclaims, pointing to the restaurant. “Do you think I’d want to punish myself like that?” 

Its Louis' turn to grow frustrated and throw his arms to the air. “I don’t know! I was just so caught off guard with the proposal and then seeing you right in front of me as it happens. I didn’t know _what_ to think.” 

“Shouldn’t you be inside with him?” Harry’s quiet with his question; it pains him to refer to Louis’ new fiancé. 

Perplexity raises when Louis shakes his head, eyes brimming with unshed tears. There has been way too much crying between them lately, one wouldn’t think there was anything left. The emotions are contagious, really, because if Louis’ on the verge of crying then of course Harry is also. 

“I’m right where I want to be.” 

What could Louis possibly mean? Blood rushes through Harry’s body at the thought so he takes a moment to look up to the sky and try to make out all the stars. However, from the city lights, the stars are difficult to see clearly, but the moon shines brightly which Harry decides to focus on it. 

Harry lowers his head, noticing the same expression on Louis. There’s quite a bit of distance between them, no one daring to get closer. “What do you mean?” 

“I’m where I’m meant – no - _want_ to be.” Louis lifts his shoulders, breathing out. “I want to be out here with you.”

“What about Trevor? He just asked to marry you.” 

“I said no.” 

_He said no. Did he really say no? Louis said no. No, no, no._ “No? What? Who said no?” 

Louis can only giggle at Harry’s silliness, biting his lip hard while still grinning. He walks closer, ignoring the fact he’s beaded with sweat due to the mixture of the humidity and adrenaline coursing through him. “ _I_ said no. Me, yo, moi, Louis. Tomlinson.” 

Apparently, the words spilling out of Louis’ mouth aren’t registering in Harry’s brain because he’s still left confused. There’s a spike of nervousness surrounding them; the hairs on his arm stand as he watches Louis walking around the Maserati to get to him.

Harry’s voice comes out thick. “So what are you saying?” 

Louis pauses when he’s a couple feet away, and he lowers his voice into the night air. “I was fine, you know? It had been two years without you and I was getting by and as hard as it was, I felt like I had no other choice. I figured that I would somehow, eventually be happy knowing I wasn’t going to be with my soulmate.” 

At that moment, Louis chooses to rub the dagger on his arm with his thumb, looking down with a soft smile. “But you just had to come back into my life and flip my world upset down all over again.” 

For once, Harry isn’t crying. When Louis revealed his answer to the proposal the tears were replaced with lots of confusion, some denial, but eventually butterflies blooming around. It’ll take him a couple days, or probably weeks to genuinely believe what’s happening at this moment, but for now, he’s going to cherish this and actually listen to what Louis has to say.  

“And maybe that’s what being soulmates is all about: through thick and thin, we’ll always find a way to each other because that’s why we were put on this universe. Fate brought us back together at _Buzzfeed_ to look over one of the best days of our lives.” 

Harry shoots him a look because this isn’t making sense to him. If this is how Louis feels, then why didn’t he say so back at his apartment? “You basically rejected me when I told you that I still loved you. Why did you do that if this is how you feel?” 

Getting himself comfortable, expecting this talk to go a little longer, Louis takes a seat at the hood of the Maserati. And as hot it is to see Louis looking very attractive in a nice ensemble on a very expensive car, Harry goes to push him off. But he makes a note to somehow get a picture of it to jerk off to later on. “You already climbed on the hood, don’t go denting it with your big ass.” 

“You like my big ass, so don’t complain about it.” He’s not wrong, but he complies and gets off. “Anyway, I have an answer to that.” 

“And? What is it?” 

“I was afraid.” 

“Were you petrified?” 

“For the love of God, Harry. I’m ignoring you.” Harry gives him a dimple-y grin. “But to be honest with you, the second I saw you again I felt like I was in my twenties and falling in love at first sight. I was screwed, and I knew it from the get-go. But I felt like I had to put up this façade that you weren’t affecting me as much as you truly were. And it only got worse the more we bumped into each other.” 

It’s nice to know Louis felt the same. The more they ran into each other only made it more difficult for Harry to move on and not think about Louis. But looking at it in Louis’ perspective, Harry can see why Louis put his guard up and masked his true emotions. “You didn’t want to get hurt.” 

“Everything about the divorce hurt so much because I still loved you as much as I did at our happiest times. And it was something I didn’t even want but I thought it would be the wakeup call for your ass to get your shit together.” 

Well, what the _fuck._

“What the hell do you mean?” 

“That’s neither here or there, I’ll explain that after. But I just want you to know, I’ve never not loved you less. Even without seeing your stupid, beautiful face in person for two years I was confident in my love for you. And it makes me feel like shit, but even with Trevor, it just didn’t seem right.” 

Harry can’t be physically apart from Louis any longer, so he goes until there’s no space left between them and Louis has to whisper because speaking normally would be too loud. The intensity in Louis’ eyes is making it difficult for Harry to keep himself from kissing him. 

“It didn’t seem right because he wasn’t _you_ ,” Louis says lowly, moving his right hand to touch Harry’s nose. He lifts Harry’s arm, so he can press his lips on the soulmate mark; it instantly raises goosebumps all over Harry’s body. “And then you confess everything to me at your apartment and I loved hearing every second of it. It made me happy knowing you felt the same.” 

To reciprocate, Harry goes to kiss the dagger on Louis. He doesn’t miss his blush. “I still feel the same.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to change your mind about that within a week.” 

“Shut up.” Harry giggles. He’s the happiest he’s ever been in a long, long time. 

“But I stupidly left you because I thought I had the strength to distance myself once and for all. But I didn’t.” Louis cradles Harry’s arm against his cheek, looking up at him. After ten years together, Harry sees the same boyish eyes he loved more than anything in the world. “After that, everything felt more wrong than ever, but I had no idea Trevor was planning on proposing. Had I known, I would’ve stopped it, so he wouldn’t waste his time. He’s not you, no one will ever be my soulmate. That’s all you, Harry. I can’t function without my other half.” 

“Can I please kiss you now?” 

Louis raises his hands up momentarily, placing his hands on Harry’s chest. He has to tilt his head up a little to look at him. “If it wasn’t clear, I just want to say I love you. So much.” 

“I love you too, Lou.” 

“Because it rhymes,” they say in unison. And for the first time in two years, Harry’s home. He’s home with Louis in his arms and their lips pressed securely together as if they never intend to let go. Technically, thirty-five is young, as much as Harry jokes about his age, he has more than enough time with Louis and that’s still a lot of time to make it up to him. “I’m going to be better, I promise.” 

In return, Louis shushes him and folding his arms around Harry’s waist. Harry inhales the scent of Louis’ shampoo when his boy peppers him with kisses on his neck and behind his ears. “I’ll be a better soulmate.” 

Moving his lips upwards on his neck, to Harry’s jaw, and eventually his cheeks, Louis looking at him sternly. “Prove it to me by showing me, okay?” 

Harry furiously nods. “I’ll show you for the rest of our lives.” 

“Hmm, I like the sound of that.” Louis nibbles on the lobes of Harry’s ears, making him laugh from it tickling. “So, are you going to take me home already?” 

His knees go weak with the thought of taking Louis home, into his bed and overwhelming him with his hands and lips. But he knows they need to take things slow and not jump into bed with Louis no matter how much he wants to. 

Their relationship has suffered a lot and in order for them to recuperate it to how it once was. They need to start at the bottom and work their way up all over again. Harry has to gain Louis’ trust back and prove to his soulmate that their relationship and bond is important to him. They need to go out on dates again and treat this as if they are meeting for the first time and getting to know each other all over again.

“I’ve missed your touch so much, darling.” Louis’ voice is so sensual, and the ultimate turn on for Harry. It’s so easy for him to just talk about what he wants to do to Harry and it will set him off without a touch. It was a discovery once made when Harry had to go away for a doctor thing for a couple days, so they had to resolve to phone sex to get them off. He can distinctly remember Louis using his voice to let out every detail, slow and sexy with a soft whisper, Harry never came so hard without touching himself. 

Okay. Never mind, slowness be gone. 

“Get in the car.” 

The look of lust in Louis’ eyes make Harry hurry to get his ass to the driver’s seat. Once Louis buckles his seatbelt, Harry turns the key, the car rumbling to a start. Louis’ in awe with the interior and the sound of the engine, he whistles lowly. “Well damn, Styles. This is a beauty. What made you buy this ridiculously expensive car?” 

“I’m calling it my mid-life crisis purchase.” Harry’s finally able to pull out of the parking lot and once he’s coasting down the empty road, he takes Louis hands to hold. 

“You’re an idiot.” 

There’s no way of explaining the bliss Harry’s experiencing with driving down the 101 freeway, holding Louis’ hand securely and driving them home. It’s safe to assume he’s on his way to once again to be reacquainted with Louis’ body, and fuck, it’s so hard to suppress the moan he wants to let out. 

With a thought coming to mind, Harry suddenly starts hysterically laughing. Louis’ squeezes his hand. “What are you laughing at?” 

“Baby, did you really climb on the hood of my car?” 

Instantly, Louis blushes and he’s able to catch a little bit of it. “Fuck yeah I did, and don’t give me shit for it. It worked didn’t it?” 

“Yeah, it did.” 

It’s truly a miracle how quickly Harry’s able to drive to his apartment given the slight traffic they hit close to Dodger Stadium. It’s hitting near eleven thirty, meaning the game ran late and everyone is rushing to get home now that it’s over. Somehow, Harry manages to swerve his way through and safely get back to his apartment. 

“We’re here,” Harry announces as if Louis can’t figure it out himself. 

“Thanks for the announcement, love,” Louis teases him. Unclicking his seatbelt, he then leans over the center console and takes Harry’s cheeks into his hands. “It took a lot for me to not touch you while you were driving. For some reason, seeing you driving a fucking Maserati makes you sexy as hell.” 

Harry mentally pats himself on the back for the momentary mid-life crisis purchase, because it ended up being a great idea. Returning the gesture, Harry rubs his thumbs on Louis’ jaw, loving how his scruff feels on his fingertips. “It was kinda hot to see you sitting on it earlier; maybe it was just you in general.” 

“Do we have a car kink now?” 

“In addition to the many that we already have, I guess so.” Harry smashes their lips together. Instantly, their lips are moving, fighting for dominance but neither budging. The fluttering feeling in the pit of Harry’s stomach returns and he all but welcomes it as he moves his lips along until he gets to his favorite spot on Louis’ neck. 

Eventually, their position begins to get uncomfortable, so Louis suggests heading inside before his body either explodes or cramps up. In no time, they’re pressed against the door to Harry’s apartment, unable to detach their lips from each other. Harry has Louis’ back to the door, crowding him closely enough that it could be considered inappropriate if someone else were to see. 

Harry can feel Louis’ hard erection perfectly against his thigh, and to test the waters, he grinds alongside it. Louis lets out a loud moan. 

“Open the door before I moan so loud your neighbors are going to come out and see us like this,” Louis says to Harry’s open mouth. 

The action is quite unbearable for Harry to do at the moment. “I can’t do anything right now unless it involves touching you.” 

“Well then give me your keys, you dog.” 

A lot quicker than Harry would have been able to do, Louis unlocks the door and pushes them inside, slamming the door behind them. There’s no second to think about what to do next since Harry follows Louis’ actions of taking his clothes off. They get down to their boxer briefs before they move to the sofa. 

Harry lays across it on his back, bringing in Louis to straddle him. Leaning down, Louis goes straight to his chest and kissing every inch of skin he comes by. “I missed your soft skin so much.” 

“I’ve missed everything. I’m so sorry, baby.” They can feel the emotions bubbling up with being so close to each other. Harry can’t believe he fucked this up for them, but he’s grateful to have Louis back once again. 

“Stop apologizing, I said I forgave you. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Louis saying he’s not going anywhere is all the leverage Harry needs to keep fighting more than ever for their relationship. But first, he needs to pleasure his boy and make him feel good. He starts by thrusting his hips up to get Louis to grind down to him, Harry throws his head back at the sensation. “Fuck.” 

Nothing much else is said for the next few moments, the only thing that could be heard is their heavy breathing. Louis sequences a pattern of sitting up and pushing down on Harry’s erection and tilting down to kiss him senseless. 

It’s probably a lie, but Harry swears he’s never been so hard in his life. The change in momentum of Louis moving his hips on him has him ready to explode. Both of their chests are flushed red, sweat gathers on their bodies, and Harry decides their briefs need to go. 

Excitement builds with the thought of seeing Louis completely naked again, and he’s not disappointed when Louis shoves his briefs off. Like Harry, Louis is hard and leaking already at the tip. 

He looks like every one of Harry’s wet dreams, but this is real life and because of that, Harry thrusts harder and startles Louis in the process. The startle is quick since the pleasure is too much that he has to claw at Harry’s pecks to steady him. 

“Feel good?” Harry asks Louis with a low voice, running his hands up and down Louis’ thighs. He almost loses it when Louis looks at him, his blue eyes darker with so much lust and passion behind them. 

“I feel like a fifteen-year-old with all the humping,” Louis laughs then groans with Harry thrusts rougher. “I want you to be inside me like this.” 

“Yeah, baby?” Harry grunts while simultaneously thinking how much energy he has to get up and take him and Louis to his bedroom, so they could be more comfortable. Also, the condoms and lube are in there. He makes a mental note to have handy dandy condoms and lube in several places around the apartment, so they wouldn’t have a repeat of this inconvenience. 

Suddenly, Louis’ giggling like crazy for some unknown reason and when Harry asks him what he’s laughing about he replies, “It’s just. I don’t know I just thought of going _yeehaw_ right now.” 

“You’re not on some damn horse, Louis. I’m trying to be sexy,” Harry playfully argues, pinching one of Louis’ nipples. They both begin to laugh hysterically when Louis waves a fist around chanting _yeehaw cowboy._  

One would think their playfulness would be a turn-off, but both are still as hard as before. It had always been like this with Louis, and it’s something Harry loved most about their dynamic in bed. Of course, they had their moments where their sex was passionate and very intense, but most of the time they were just having fun with each other. Harry appreciated feeling comfortable to let his guard down and just have fun with Louis as they were being intimate. It’s nice to know _that_ hasn’t changed, and he knows it never will. 

“The condoms and lube are in my bedroom, let’s go in there, yeah baby?” Harry proposes, and Louis responds with a dirty kiss that’s more tongue than anything. 

Even though Harry’s in a sex haze and can’t think rationally at the moment, he manages to get himself and Louis into his dark bedroom. They don’t bother turning on the light, opting to use the moonlight as guidance. Harry’s confident in himself to know the shape of Louis’ body so he doesn’t have to need a light to see. Sure, it’s been a while, but he’s touched every inch of Louis’ naked body so many times for over ten years, it’s impossible to count. 

Things become more difficult when Louis takes charge and pushes Harry’s briefs down to touch his erection with a dry hand. Before Harry can understand what’s happening as he’s left standing in the middle of the room, Louis’ already spitting on his hand and uses Harry’s precum to make it easier to glide his hand up and down the shaft. 

A loud grunt escapes Harry’s mouth when Louis gets on his knees and wastes no time to put his mouth on Harry, bobbing his head slowly to get a good feel and be reacquainted with Harry’s cock. Detaching his lips from the tip, Louis takes ahold of it and sticks out his tongue to lick underneath from the base all the way to the tip. He repeats the action a couple more times before Harry lets out a whine because he misses the warmth of Louis’ mouth. 

“Fuck, Lou. Your mouth feels so good. Please don’t stop.” He wishes he had something to hold on to keep his balance because it’s a matter of time before his knees buckle and he collapses on the floor. For the time being, Harry grips onto Louis’ hair, unable to help himself with his moves his hips to chase Louis’ mouth. 

Unfortunately, Louis has other plans that don’t involve Harry coming inside his mouth because he pulls away when Harry’s movements get sloppy.   

“What are you doing? I was so close,” Harry slurs, gripping Louis to kiss him messily. Desperate to feel Louis’ own cock, he licks his hand obscenely in front of Louis and plays with the tip. 

It’s Louis’ turn to grunt in pleasure, but he hasn’t lost control just yet. “Get the lube, love. I want you to fuck me so bad.” 

That, Harry can get on board with. 

Without giving it much thought, Harry figures it would be sexy for him to manhandle Louis a tad because from what he remembers, Louis liked it like that with him. With that information in mind, it propels Harry to grab Louis from his waist and pick him up. His memory is right because Louis instantly snickers and peppers Harry’s face with kisses. 

_However,_ it appears Harry mistook their location in the bedroom due to the lack of light because when he goes to gently throw Louis on his bed, Louis makes contact with the mattress temporarily before rolling right off and hitting the floor with a loud shriek. 

“Shit! Fuck, Lou, are you okay? I’m so sorry.” Harry scrambles around the bed and kneels to the ground to see if Louis’ alright. It’s still hard to see, so he isn’t able to make out the details of Louis’ face from this angle. But eventually, Louis’ cackling from the floor and Harry lets out a sigh of relief. 

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Harry. I love you.” He can’t imagine how ridiculous they look: both on the floor naked sporting semis and sniggering like crazy men. 

Harry’s having so much fun already and they haven’t even started yet. 

Leaning in a little closer, Harry’s finally able to see Louis face and fuck, does he feel incredibly lucky. With the shine coming from the moon helping him out, Louis looks so beautiful like this. His smile is wide, his wrinkles are prominent and yet so lovely. To add, his cheeks are red from laughing, the smallest of dimples appear on his cheek. 

Harry can’t help but admire him, it’s one of his favorite things to do. “You’re so much fun, Lou. I’m so lucky to have you.” 

Lifting himself up to get on level with Harry, Louis softly presses his lips on Harry’s. “You are pretty lucky, aren’t you? Who else with tolerate being thrown off the bed like a rag doll and still have sex with you after?” 

He’s going to marry him again. 

“I’m going to get the lube now. It’s in the bathroom.” 

“You go do that, and I’ll carefully get on the bed.” Louis gives him one last peck before slapping Harry’s ass as the other makes his way to the bathroom. 

He believes he’s safe to keep himself in the darkness and leave the light of the bathroom alone, so he opens the draws where he last left the lube and hurries to the bed where his beautiful boy is waiting for him.

The once semi has gone fully hard once again with the anticipation of being inside Louis in just a matter of minutes. Waiting for him as he strokes his cock slowly is Louis, giving him a smirk because he knows how good he looks. 

“Fuck me,” Harry whispers into the room. 

“ _No,_ you’re going to fuck _me,”_ Louis emphasizes, patting the space beside him. Harry takes the invitation with glee and practically throws himself  _safely_ on the bed before smacking Louis’ hand away, so he can stroke his cock. “Haz, darling, give me the lube.” 

Louis’ propped on the pile of pillows, giving him a good look of Harry who takes a moment to pay attention to Louis’ erection with his mouth. While Harry’s busy wetting Louis and enjoying the feel on him inside his mouth, Louis uncaps the lube bottle before smacking Harry on the head. 

Harry groans with Louis’ cock in his mouth, so he pulls away and turns to look at him confused. “What the hell was that for?” 

“You accidentally took out the toothpaste, dumbass.” Louis shoves the toothpaste bottle in Harry’s face and sure enough, he sees the familiar _Colgate_ label on the bottle. 

“I guess I can’t see in the dark.” 

“Yeah, no shit. Now go grab the right bottle before I just end up fucking myself.” Harry lets out a low, playful growl and nips Louis’ stomach before rushing in the bathroom once again and grabbing the correct bottle. 

Once triple checking that Harry gave him the right bottle, Louis’ uncaps it to squeeze a decent amount of lube onto his fingers. Harry attacks his stomach while Louis makes sure to distribute a significant amount around his hole. He quickly inserts two fingers to get the lube all around before drawing away and squeezing more out to spread on Harry’s cock. 

Switching positions so Harry’s on his back and Louis goes back to straddling him, lifting himself up just so he can get the tip of Harry’s cock pressing into him. 

“I’m going to go slow,” Louis breathes out, relaxing his body from the insertion. “So I can feel every single inch of you, does that sound good, love?” 

“Anything sounds good right now,” Harry admits, holding onto Louis’ flexing thighs. At almost forty, Louis is still the most beautiful person Harry’s ever seen in his life and getting to see him in this light, is such a privilege. One that he refuses to ever take for granted again. 

The sensation of Harry’s cock makes Louis gasp in pleasure. Although it’s been a while since they’ve done this, the feeling is all so familiar to Louis, and he loves it. Looking down on his love, Harry looks wrecked already as he continues to grab onto Louis’ thighs like it’s some sort of lifeline. 

For the next several moments, Louis concentrates on lifting and lowering himself on Harry’s cock in complete bliss. Moans, groans, and grunts, as well as skin hitting, are the only sounds heard in the bedroom, Harry can’t control the random words and sounds coming out of his mouth nor does he care. 

Once he deems he’s had enough of Louis on top and doing most of the work, he decides to switch positions and be on top. Without a word, he flips them over, his cock slipping out during the movement, but he’s quick to push it back inside Louis and continue on with hard thrusts. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” Harry says to Louis, who puckers his lips, asking for a kiss. Harry’s more than willing to give him what he wants. He stays leaning down, with their forehands against each other’s, their sweat mixing. “You still feel so good around my cock, always will.” 

“Harry,” Louis whimpers at a particularly harder thrust. “I’m going to cum soon, love. Give it to me harder, please.” 

“So polite, baby. Just hold on for a little while longer.” With Harry wanting to feel closer to Louis, he pulls out momentarily which brings out a whine from Louis. “Just a second, baby. Hold on.” 

He moves Louis to that he’s lying on his side and goes to lay behind him. He quickly pushes in and resumes his rougher lunging, grabbing onto Louis' leg to lift so he can get a better angle. This position is easier for him to attach his lips onto Louis’ neck, which he decides to leave a suitably sized lovebite for everyone to see. 

“I love you,” he hears Louis’ soft voice murmur; Harry’s heart flutters. 

“I love you, so much, baby. You’re forever for me. You know that right? You’re the only man ever going to get me like this; so desperate for your body, for your touch, and specifically for your cock.” 

“Fuck.” Louis throws his head back. Harry brings his hand to his waist and squeezes tightly, loving the feel of Louis skin. 

“I’m going to be the only person to see you panting, whiny, and gagging for me to fuck you like I am right now. Only me because we love each other so much, the universe got it right when they made us soulmates.” 

Sure enough, Harry’s words are what sets Louis off and without so much as a warning, Louis’ coming untouched onto the sheets. Feeling Louis squirm with the oversensitivity after coming so hard, Harry pulls out and leaves it to himself to stroke quickly to chase his own orgasm. 

Suddenly Louis turns and doesn’t like the scene before him and pushes Harry’s hand away and replaces it with his mouth. “Oh _fuck.”_

Louis shows no mercy as he’s quick with his movements and sucks on Harry as hard as he can. Being on edge for so long starts to overwhelm him, the building of his orgasm can’t be withheld any more. Harry gives a heads up, but Louis doesn’t seem to mind because he only goes faster and deeper eventually making Harry spill into his warm mouth. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” The intense orgasm hits Harry hard, making him stretch out but Louis doesn’t move, only licking the remains of come that spilled out of his mouth. It’s only when Harry shoves him away hastily that Louis finally yanks away. “Louis, Louis, Louis, fuck.” 

“What?” Louis asks worriedly, seeing the look of pain on Harry’s face. “What happened?” 

“I’m too fucking old for this shit,” Harry grits out. “I have a cramp in my leg.” 

Instead of helping Harry as he gets up from the bed to put some pressure on the cramping, Louis only throws himself on the mattress, hysterically laughing at Harry’s expense. 

“It’s not fucking funny, this hurts, Lou.” 

When the cramping subsides, Harry goes to pull the top sheets off now that they’re dirty with Louis’ semen and grabs a couple of blankets to cover them for the night. They’re both under the blankets comfortably, beyond tired after the _“cramp-blowing sex”_ as Louis calls it. 

They don’t know what the time is, nor do they care, all that matters is that they got their shit together and have agreed to work on their relationship. Because something this special isn’t meant to be missed. 

As Louis snuggles into his naked chest and wraps his arms around his torso, Harry can’t help but be stunned still of the fact that he almost went any longer without his soulmate. Things shouldn’t have gone this far in the first place. He failed to find a balance for his passion and time for his job and his relationship. Losing Louis once was enough for him to realize he needs to find a stable time devoted for work and also for Louis. 

If it weren’t for Zayn bringing them together for some random _Buzzfeed_ video, Harry wouldn’t have been brave enough to see Louis himself after the divorce. He wouldn’t have been able to see what he missed out on, even though he thought of it every day. 

“Harry?” Louis kisses the rose on Harry’s arm. “For the first time in over two years, I finally feel like I’m home.” 

Harry makes a promise to himself to never fuck things up in their relationship again. Because someone like Louis is so precious to know and have in his life and god forbid he’ll miss out on any more amazing moments with this sweet creature.  

“You are. Welcome home, Louis.”


	8. Epilogue

**November 2020.**

Every morning Harry’s alarm wakes him up and a little part of him is crushed with displeasure because he’s usually so comfortable. Not a day goes by where he’s not woken up feeling warm as he’s cuddled up with his soulmate. Harry loves his job, no doubt about that, but snuggling with Louis feels a whole hell of a lot better. 

However, this morning is different. The second the alarm rings into the quiet bedroom, breaking their peaceful sleep, both he and Louis jump immediately. They’re wide awake and sitting up on the bed, the sun creeping through the curtains in the bedroom, hitting both their eyes. 

“Today’s the day,” Louis speaks softly, his voice very croaky first thing in the morning. Harry loves it. “I’m so excited, Harry.” 

Turning to him, Harry sees the man he loves a little bit more every day. In the past two years they’ve been together since reconciling, more grey is visible on Louis’ hair and beard. But most certainly he looks more mature than the twenty-something Louis he met so many years ago. 

The sun makes Louis’ eyes sparkle brighter, the blue standing significantly. His freckles are also prominent, Harry can’t help but kiss every one of them he can see, then smiles when Louis shrinks away, chuckling at Harry’s antics. 

Suddenly they are laying back down, sheets wrinkled up at their feet, Louis practically on top of Harry. Comfortable with Louis’ weight on him, Harry runs his hand up and down his back. 

“We’ve been waiting so long it seems like,” he whispers, humming when Louis presses a kiss on his chest. “I’m just glad the process is over.” 

“Me too. No more waiting.” 

Louis raises his head, leaning forward to press their lips together. Parting his lips, it allows Harry to deepen the kiss. As their tongues mingle, ignoring their morning breaths because seriously, Harry doesn’t care, a cry belts through the house. 

“And Rosie’s awake,” Louis sighs, dropping his head. 

“At least we don’t have to wake her up,” Harry points out. “My heart hurts when I wake her up from her sweet slumber. She always looks so peaceful.” 

Louis scoffs. “Oh, that must be such a tough job. I’m the one that has to handle her crankiness for hours while you go to work.” 

To that, Harry playfully shoves Louis off of him. “Hey, I’d rather deal with her crankiness than giving her a bath at night.” 

That shuts Louis right up. 

Rose Tomlinson-Styles was brought into the world about seven months ago, shining brighter than the sun and being the light of Harry and Louis’ lives. It took a little more than a year after getting back together for Harry to bring up surrogacy, and Louis could only get emotional and agree to it. 

They were quick to get on top of the process and find a suitable person to carry their baby. After choosing a wonderful woman, Natalie, they went back and forth, eventually choosing blindly whose sperm they’d be using, knowing they would be happy no matter who’s gene their child carries. It wasn’t important to them, but little Rosie now sports the greenest eyes with an adorable set of dimples, making her biologically Harry’s. But he knows when she eventually gets older, her personality and the way she’s going to carry herself would resemble Louis. 

There’s nothing like it though, being a papa to a precious little girl. Having her and embarking on this journey of fatherhood with Louis by his side always makes him wonder how he could’ve pushed this off. He waited so long for this to happen, and he loves it so much and wished they had started years ago. Rosie has made him love fatherhood and he can’t wait to do it again. 

And seeing Louis being a dad? It’s something incredible to witness every day. 

With a peck on the lips, Harry tells Louis he’d go get their little girl. He pulls on a pair of sweats and opts to just go without a shirt when he heads to Rosie’s room. 

Her cries get louder the closer Harry gets to the room. There’s a smile on his face once he softly swings the door open, fuzzy blonde hair poking out from the crib. The once cries subside to instant squealing. 

“Hey there, my little blonde beauty.” At the ass crack of dawn and Rosie has the biggest smile upon seeing her papa. When Harry goes to pick her up to get her changed, she raises her arms, babbling around as if to tell him all about her dreams throughout the night. He can only encourage her baby talk by oohing and awing as she continues. “That sounds like a wonderful dream, my love.” 

Her chubby cheeks are just so alluring Harry has to pepper them with kisses, focusing a little bit more on her dimples and the little girl relishes the affection. After, he places her down on the changing table, giving her a fresh, clean diaper and an adorable outfit that Louis’ bound to get sentimental about. 

Picking her up, Rosie goes straight for the curls on the back of Harry’s neck. He’s been growing it out, making his curls more defined which Rosie takes advantage of. She has no problem in playing with it and giving her papa headaches by how hard she pulls it. 

“Let’s go see daddy,” Harry tells her, earning a delighted scream with pure excitement to see her other dad. 

Entering their bedroom down the hall, the curtains are opened welcoming in all the sunlight but Louis’ back to the original position Harry left him in. When seeing Harry and Rosie, Louis claps with a beaming smile, opening his arms out for his squirming daughter. Harry lets her on the loose, so she could frantically crawl to Louis, who reaches for her and gives her the biggest hug. 

“Well good morning, my Rosie.” This is Harry’s life. These two are his everything and he can’t imagine not having them and all of this; he’s one lucky son of a bitch.

Walking to the window to peek outside, he’s surprised to see not a cloud in sight in the Boston sky where it’s been pretty cloudy for the past week and a half. 

This move had not been easy, it’s why Harry and Louis took awhile talking about it, but not making any decisions. California had always been home for the both of them, and the thought of leaving their families and friends behind and set off to the East Coast saddened them. But after the first time Harry passed on the chief of staff position at Boston Children’s Hospital to stay with Louis in Los Angeles, it was a lingering thought in Harry’s mind, but he pushed it aside because being with Louis was more important for him. 

However, the hospital contacted Harry once again a year later asking to reconsider the job offer, informing him that the doctor they took on didn’t work out for them. He and Louis laid everything out on the table, considered the pros and cons with Rosie in mind and other plans they had and eventually decided to give Boston a shot. 

It lucked out that Louis became more of a freelance illustrator which makes his location unimportant because he can work from home. So they packed up their stuff, had several teary-eyed goodbyes from both their families and friends and in Harry’s Maserati, went cross country to the East Coast. 

It’s been about six months and they have loved this city just as much as Los Angeles. Sure, the weather is quite different, and they had to learn to be in a whole new environment, but they have already created so many memories in the past six months that are irreplaceable. 

Most importantly, Harry has found a balance that works with Louis in which he makes his family a priority and is still able to be the best damn doctor he can be. Of course, there still are days when Harry has to stay later and he’s hesitant to tell Louis, not knowing how he’d react, but the ever so wonderful Louis tells him he understands and just not to be too late. Which Harry never is unless there’s an emergency in the hospital, and in those cases, he gives himself a day off to be with his family. 

They still bicker; they’re both hotheads when they want to be, but they’ve learned to talk things out and not repress their feelings like they’ve done so in the past. They have a lot more at stake now, they’re dads and always have to think of Rosie before anything else. 

Nonetheless, life is great and today is such a big day for the Tomlinson-Styles family, so they need to get a move on before it’s too late. “Alright! Let’s go, family, we’re going to be late!” 

Harry and Louis take turns showering while the other gives Rosie breakfast and packing her diaper bag with clothes, diaper stuff, snacks, bottles, and extra toys. Once all three are ready and Rosie has a hissy fit because they had to pick up her food she had been having fun with, they head to the airport. 

They get into Louis’ car since it’s bigger. Thankfully it’s about a twenty-minute drive to Logan Airport; it’s too early for them to deal with Rosie’s discomfort in lengthy car rides. Luckily, she’s too entertained with one of her toys to notice her surroundings. 

Before they know it, they’re parked and make their way to the arrivals. With it being the morning still on a Monday, the airport isn’t as busy as it normally is. As they walk closer to arrivals, both Harry and Louis grow nervous, their sweaty hands interlocking tightly. With one hand holding Louis’, the other is carrying Rosie who’s taken on babbling to each stranger in sight. 

“Their flight landed ten minutes ago,” Louis informs Harry, looking over all the flights on the screen before them. “It shouldn’t take them too long to get here. “ 

Louis hasn’t stopped biting his lip since they left the house, trying to internalize his apprehension but Harry knows him better than anyone. He lets go of Louis’ hand to wrap his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in with a kiss on the forehead. 

“Everything will be great, baby.” Louis only answers him with a peck on the lips and a small, tentative grin. 

“As long as I got you, I’m going to be alright.” 

They go in for one more kiss before they’re interrupting by Rosie’s excited screams. Turning their heads to the side, their moms, Anne and Jay walking towards them, both holding hands with their newest addition. 

Harry encouragingly pushes Louis to go to the little boy, carefully following him. Once they reach them, Harry quickly gives his mom a hug and hands Rosie to her. Louis’ already on his knees, a stuffed animal in hand as a welcome home present, Harry joins him. 

“Hey, Levi. Remember us?” Louis asks the now six-year-old. 

It’s been a few months since they’ve seen him in person in Los Angeles; it’s the last time they went for a visit specifically to see him. Due to it being an out of state adoption, it was such a lengthy process, but one very much worth it all. 

Even with having Rosie, Harry and Louis were set on him, however long the process took. Ever since Harry met the little boy with the heart condition with his foster mom, Levi had a special place in his heart. He kept tabs on him and constantly communicated with Tabitha to make sure time after the heart surgery he did on the boy was better. 

The little boy with the blue eyes that oddly resembles Louis’ was meant to be theirs, Harry thought early on. So when he finally brought him up to Louis, the man was quick to say yes. When the day came for Louis to meet Levi in Los Angeles, it took less than two minutes before Louis turned back to Harry, saying confidently, “He’s ours.” 

With that, they got the ball rolling, filing for adoption papers, and waited to get the approval from both California and Massachusetts. 

Now, here they are. Papers were processed, and with the approval from the agency, Anne and Jay were allowed to receive him and accompany him to Boston to be with his new family. 

“Yes. You’re Lou,” Levi answers Louis, indiscreetly eyeing the stuffed animal in Louis’ arms. 

Louis gives him a welcoming smile and hands him the toy. “That’s right. Harry and I wanted to give you a little present. I hope you like it.” 

Letting go of Jay’s hand, Levi retrieves the toy and immediately wraps his little arms around Louis’ neck. Anne, Jay, and Harry are teary-eyed watching the scene before them. The newest Tomlinson-Styles is perfect and is going to fit in perfectly in their family. Harry just knows it. 

Deciding this is the right time to finally speak up, Harry clears his throat to grab the little boy’s attention. “Hey, bud. Is it my turn for a hug?” 

Nodding his little head, Levi throws his arms around Harry, seeming to be very comfortable with him from being familiar with him for the past two years. 

“We missed you, so much.” 

They aren’t sure how aware Levi is of their situation or if he truly understands that he’s going home with them and that he’s _their_ son now. It’ll be baby steps for the family and both Harry and Louis are more than ready for every step of the way. 

Early on when they were just waiting for both states to approve the adoption, Harry and Louis repeatedly told Levi they were going to be his dads and that one day they’ll be going home with him. It seemed as so he understood it then, but now that they’re here and not at the foster home where they normally met, it can be a different story. 

“I have a question.” Levi looks at them. The group isn’t in the way of any people, so they stay where they’re at. Anne and Jay talk amongst themselves, entertaining Rosie since she loves the attention from her grandmothers. 

“What is it, babe?” Louis pushes the chestnut hair away from the boys’ face. 

Levi leans forward, choosing to whisper in Harry’s ear instead of asking the question out loud. _“I can call you daddies now?”_

Giving Louis a look, the fondest looks one can give another person, he turns back to Levi and presses his lips on his cheek. “Yeah, bud. You can call us daddies now.” 

“Why don’t we go home, yeah?” 

It’s then that Rosie lets out a shriek, missing the attention for her daddies. Her fresh, front two teeth are on display in her wide grin. Since his nerves have vanished, Louis gets to finally notice her little shirt Harry put on in the morning. 

“Oh my god, Harry, her shirt. You’re such a loser.” 

Levi goes towards the little girl, standing on his tippy-toes to get a better look at her. This is the first time they’re meeting, always leaving Rosie with one of their moms to watch her when visiting Levi. 

This first meeting has been something Harry and Louis were concerned with, not knowing how Levi would react to the infant. It’s just one look at the cheerful Rosie and their concerns are no longer needed. 

“She’s cute,” Levi murmurs, then turning to see Harry. “Is she my baby sister?” 

The adults laugh warmheartedly, nothing can be better than this moment. 

“Well, bud, what does her shirt say?” 

“I don’t know, I can’t see it well,” Levi shrugs, gently poking Rosie’s dimple, who’s distracted by the toy in his hand. 

Louis steps in and takes a hold of Rosie, positioning her so that Levi can get a clear look at the shirt. And with his finger he underlines the words and reads, “Little sister.” 

**

It’s the end of the day, Rosie already knocking out a couple hours ago after being tired out with playing as much as her little body can in her colorful walker with her new older brother. It’s taken a bit of time to get Levi comfortable in his new bedroom and his bed, laying with him and reading several stories until he closed his lovely eyes and fell asleep. Finally, after a couple of hours of talking and catching up, Anne and Jay head to bed, leaving the husbands to quickly clean up and get some sleep themselves. 

Toys scatter the living room, both Levi and Rosie to blame but Harry and Louis can’t find it in themselves to care at the moment. Tonight couldn’t have gone any more perfect. There was some hesitation on Levi’s end in the new environment, but sooner or later he loosened up and played with Rosie. 

Harry’s brushing his teeth while Louis’ washing his face, rushing themselves so they could cuddle in bed already. 

“We’re fathers of two now, how old do you feel, love?” 

Thinking over Louis’ question, Harry can’t find it in himself to feel old at all. On the contrary, he feels so young and full of life still due to the start of this new experience. He’s feeling more alive than ever before; confident in himself to achieve anything he wants. 

Spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing his mouth, Harry dries his mouth and waits for Louis to dry his face before pressing him against the counter, attaching their lips together heatedly. Tasting minty fresh, Harry pushes his tongue into Louis’ mouth, mixing their breaths into one. 

“I’ve never felt younger,” Harry admits to him before squeezing Louis’ thighs signaling him to jump and wrap his legs around his waist. He carries him back into the bedroom, and dropping him _safely_ on the mattress, with no plan to detach their lips. They continue to move their lips passionately, their hands roaming around each other’s bodies, enjoying the feeling of their touches. 

“I love our family, Harry. Thank you for giving me two amazing children,” Louis whispers into Harry’s mouth, panting heavily as he palms Harry’s growing erection. He pushes Harry’s sweats and briefs down immediately and goes back to kisses Harry. 

But Harry pulls away, looking at Louis scandalized. “Louis, both of our moms and our two children are here!” 

“Oh, Harry please don’t tell me you’re going to hold out on sex unless we’re completely alone.” Harry doesn’t say a word. “Harry Edward Tomlinson-Styles, I swear to god.” 

Harry gives in, throwing himself on top of Louis, making the other man groan. “Okay, maybe not until we’re completely alone, but I don’t know if I’m comfortable with doing it with both of our moms just down the hall.” 

“But I wanted to give you a celebratory blowjob,” Louis pouts. Even at his age, he pouts more than any child Harry knows. And, obviously, it works on Harry every single time. 

Alas, Harry’s only human and his kryptonite is Louis Tomlinson-Styles. 

So when Louis clutches Harry’s arm and runs his lips and tongue along Harry’s rose, he knows he’s lost this internal battle. “Goddamnit, who’s going first?” 

Instead of answering Harry verbally, Louis just proceeds to push Harry’s dick into his hot mouth. 

“I guess you’re going first, oh fuck.” 

** 

 **February 2021.**  

“Dr. Styles, you’re needed down in the ER.” 

“Thank you, Alyssa,” Harry tells the woman and heads down to the emergency room. 

It didn’t take long for Harry to get accustomed to how things were run here in Boston Children’s Hospital. Being chief of staff is a big responsibility falling into his shoulders, but so far, Harry’s done quite alright if he says so himself. 

He’s called in for a surgery he can’t possibly push back, but Harry feels guilty because he had made plans to take out Louis and the kids out for dinner since it’s officially been three months since Levi joined their family. 

Before he forgets, he pulls out his phone to call Louis quickly. The line rings twice before Louis answers the phone. “Hey, love. Are you on your way home?” 

Harry sighs with guilt lingering in him. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” 

This scenario feels are too familiar to him, but instead of neglecting to inform Louis of the emergency thus damaging their relationship, Harry has made it a point to communicate with his husband. 

“You have to do a surgery?” 

“It’s last minute. A heart transplant. Louis, I’m so sorry but I have to do this.” There’s nothing but remorse in Harry’s voice. This part of his life is so conflicting and while he’s gotten a hold of a steady balance, there are still moments where his job come before his family. “I was really looking forward to be with you and the kids, believe me.” 

“I know, love. I know.” Louis sounds understanding through the phone and that makes Harry feel somewhat better; he truly is lucky. “When can I expect you home?” 

“The surgery lasts about four hours, so a little after then,” Harry tells him, pausing before the doors to the emergency room. 

“Okay, we’ll see you then. I love you,” he whispers. 

“I love you so much, Lou.” 

“Go be a badass doctor.” 

Harry can only chuckle, relief fills him knowing Louis doesn’t sound upset. “Will do, baby.” 

Approximately four hours later, Harry finishes the surgery without any complications and feels happy to inform the family of the little girl that the transplant was successful and that she’s peacefully recovering. After receiving several hugs from the little girl’s parents and other family members, Harry sports a smile heading to his office. 

His goal is to pack things up quickly, so he can get to his family sooner, not wanting to waste any more time away from them. However, things take a turn when he opens the door to his office. 

Harry’s night gets a whole lot better by the company he’s welcomed by in his office. First, he sees Levi on the armchair, eating happily as he talks animatedly to Louis, unaware of Harry’s presence yet. On the sofa, Louis is handing Rosie a French fry to munch on, looking up to him with a wink. 

“Papa! Surprise!” Shaking his head, Harry goes straight to the excited little boy with the bread crumbs all around his mouth from his burger. 

“Oh, my, god, Levi! What a wonderful surprise!” 

“Me, Rosie and daddy wanted to surprise you and we brought dinner!” The little boy’s hair has grown longer in the past few months, but he refuses to let it be cut and quite frankly, Harry and Louis don’t have the heart to do that. 

It didn’t take long for Levi to be comfortable with his new family and in their home. Granted, it’s only been three months, but things are looking promising for them. There are still nights where he wakes up in the middle of the night and crawls into Harry and Louis’ bed to sleep in between them, but they never minded. They secretly love to wake up with him laying on top of them and his hair all in their mouths. 

Harry picks him up to put him on his hip, nibbling on his chubby cheek and making him giggle hysterically. Rosie wants in with Harry’s affection, reaching out to him and whining until Harry pleases her by taking her in so they can both sit on his lap next to Louis. 

“This is the best surprise,” Harry reiterates. He leans over to drop a kiss on Louis’ forehead, but he turns his head, so their lips can meet instead. “I love you, Lou. Thank you.” 

“If you couldn’t come to us, we thought we’d come to you,” Louis simply shrugs. He takes a second to fix his beanie before dropping his hand in the bag to pull out Harry’s burger. Since both of Harry’s hands are occupied, Louis decides to unwrap it and feed him. “I made sure there wasn’t any pickles or onions. I won’t have a repeat of last time.” 

Last time, Louis specifically ordered a burger for Harry without pickles and onions and was beyond annoyed when Harry took a bite and instantly tasted the pickles. In no time, Louis was on the phone with the diner and complained until they apologized and took in his name so that the next time they went, the food would be on the house. 

Louis Tomlinson-Styles always gets what he wants. 

Going from feeding both Harry and Rosie since the kids don’t show any signs of moving from Harry’s lap, Louis happily neglects eating so they could eat. But, Harry of course notices and regretfully tells Levi to sit very close to him on the sofa, so he could at least eat with one hand, so Louis can also eat. 

No one mentions that it’s close to the kids’ bedtime, foregoing the rules for one night so they can spend some time together. Thankfully their time together in the office isn’t interrupted and for an hour or so Levi talks about the best moments so far in the three months. He mentions going to the park, going to a Red Sox game – they only went because they coincidently were playing the Dodgers – and he enthusiastically talks about his excitement for school starting in the fall. 

But the most fun day, was when Louis decided to get family portraits done a couple months ago. 

** 

**December 2020.**

“I’m just saying Louis, all these pictures don’t all have to be serious. I like the funny and candid ones,” Harry tells Louis, squeezing his hand as they enter the studio. They look onto Levi, who’s volunteered to push the stroller that holds Rosie. 

Despite their first concerns of whether or not Levi would take Rosie in kindly and vice versa, they soon figured out that they didn’t have to worry in the first place. The two children are practically obsessed with each other and love each other just like Harry and Louis had always hoped. 

The little boy takes it upon himself to help in simple things that involve Rosie, like feeding her, dressing her – after one of them changes her diaper because he absolutely refuses – and pushing her stroller. So as the family is all dolled up and dressed fancily, Levi insisted on pushing Rosie in the photo studio. 

The idea came from Liam and Zayn during one of their weekly Skype dates. To make up for moving across the country, Harry and Louis agreed to have a group Skype session with the couple in addition to Niall. On one particular day, Louis had complained about their home still looking a bit empty and that it felt like it was missing something. That’s when Zayn spoke up about the family portraits and hanging up various pictures around the home. 

Well, the next day, Louis made an appointment and here they are. 

Last time the two of them were in some kind of studio was back at Buzzfeed where another chapter of their relationship all began. It’s bittersweet to say the least, Harry thinks to himself. As much as that day was difficult to go through because they had to look back on their wedding day as a divorced couple, it became the start of the next part of their relationship. To say the least, Harry doesn’t regret going through all of it if it meant he’d have Louis again. 

If he hadn’t gone through it, he wouldn’t be watching his soulmate take out their daughter from her stroller while their son grabs their toys to play with on the floor. He wouldn’t have his family. 

The family introduces themselves with their photographer, Harry quietly wishing her luck and apologizing in advance for their hyper children. 

Assuring they’d be fine; the photographer gestures the family to head into the back to get started. In the beginning, the pictures were pretty typical. Harry and Louis sit side by side; Louis holds Rosie while Harry holds Levi on his lap. There’s another where Harry and Louis are in the same position but a little more far apart so Levi can fit in the middle standing while carrying his little sister. 

“Hi, Rosie, why don’t you give me a big smile, yeah?” their photographer encourages the nine-month-old whilst waving a toy to get her looking in his direction. 

Thankfully Rosie is easily entertained and looks brightly at the toy with the biggest smile, the moment is captured perfectly. 

It’s soon after that Louis remembers the object they’ve brought to incorporate into one of the pictures. “Wait! I need to get something.” 

Louis returns with the blue hardcover book before sitting back down next to Harry. “So, which one did you want to use again, love?” 

Opening the book, they’re presented with their wedding day once again. Looking through the wedding album the other night, Harry and Louis decided they wanted to use a picture for today. As they’re flipping through pages, Levi peeks over to see the several pictures. 

“What are these pictures, papa?” 

Harry gives him a peck on the cheek. “These are pictures from when daddy and I got married many, many years ago.” 

“Look that’s Grandma Jay with Aunt Lottie!” the little boy points to a picture of Louis’ mom and sister dancing around more of their family members and friends. This is the first time Levi’s getting a look at these and it warms Harry’s heart for their son to see one of the happiest days of his and Louis’ lives. 

After going through picture after picture, they go back to the one on the first page. The one with the both of them in the middle of an empty road; Harry’s personal favorite. “I want this one, baby.” 

In return, Louis gives him a smirk. “I knew you’d choose this one. I was secretly hoping you would.” 

“Daddy, you and Papa look so happy,” Levi observes with a whisper, gently taking the picture out of Louis’ hands. He’s careful with it as if he feels like if he were to drop it, it’d be destroyed. 

“We were,” Louis tells him, then looking up to Harry. “And we still are. Happier than ever.” 

“Because of me and Rosie are here now?” 

Louis takes the picture back when he sees Harry go to tickle Levi, making the boy squirm and squeal uncontrollably. “You’re right, buddy. Papa and I are the happiest because of you two. We love you so much.” 

“Love you too dads.” 

“Dadadadada,” Rosie just has to add. 

Unfortunately, the moment has to be broken so they can move on with the pictures since their photographer has another appointment later on in the day. 

Finally, with using the wedding picture, they mimic one of their first poses. Harry and Louis are pressed side by side again, this time Levi on Louis’ lap and Rosie on Harry’s. With one arm holding each child, the other holding up the 8 x 10 sized picture between them. 

It’s crazy to think that one day they’re getting married and all these years later they’re holding up a picture from that day with two children on their laps. 

For a short time, photos were taken of just Levi and Rosie, then of just Louis and Harry. One specifically of the husbands holding each other with their soulmate markings on display. 

The dagger and the rose for everyone that walks in their home to see. 

Things are taken outside where the fun began for Levi especially. With it being the fall, the leaves scatter the ground everywhere in the nearby park across the street. The photographer tells them to go wild, so they have the go ahead to play with the red and gold leaves. 

Levi tip-toes on top of the fallen leaves, enjoying the sound of each crunch underneath his shoes. Even Rosie gets in on the action as she stumbles with Harry’s help. She holds onto his fingers and jumps and screams on top of the leaves. 

The air is crisp, and they’re surrounded by a smell that can only be described as the ending of fall. Fall has an earthy scent, thanks to the trees all around and the drying rain on the concrete and grass. It’s different than fall in Los Angeles; fall doesn’t seem to exist over there, but here in Boston? Yeah, this is fall. 

“Hey, Levi. Let’s throw some of these leaves around, yeah?” Louis proposes with an evil tint in his eyes. 

“Yeah!” 

Harry then has to endure a full-on war against Levi and Louis, protecting Rosie’s baby face with his arm. “Rosie! Don’t worry sunshine, Papa will protect you from the evil boys!” 

Dried up leaves are thrown into the air, Harry chases his boys, and the photographer manages to capture every moment of their lighthearted fighting. 

“Daddy, watch out!” Levi screeches, jumping away from Harry. “Papa, let me hold Rosie.” 

“Just be careful, babe,” Harry tells him as he hands the little girl to him. He watches Levi stray away a bit and carefully bounces around to amuse Rosie, who claps her hands. 

With his focus on the children, Harry doesn’t see the sneak attack from Louis, who tackles him to the ground, the pile of leaves breaking his fall. 

“Louis!” Harry exclaims, wrapping his arms around him. Louis lays right on top of his husband with no plans on moving. “That was uncalled for.” 

“Deal with it,” Louis sasses back, dropping his lips to Harry’s. “It was just an excuse to get you underneath me.” 

Harry chases his lips when he Louis pulls back. He pouts. “Come back, baby. I’m not done kissing you.” 

“I love you.” 

“If you love me, I want one thing.” 

“And what’s that?” Louis raises a brow, picking out pieces of leaves from Harry’s tangled hair. “We’ll see if I love you that much.” 

Harry smirks. 

After Harry tells Louis his request, Louis simply rolls his eyes at his stupidity but nonetheless agrees because he does, in fact, love him that much. They collect their children and head over to the infamous Maserati that Harry loves oh so much, Louis sometimes feel like he’s being cheated on with a goddamn sports car. 

“I have this vision,” Harry voices to their photographer, the blonde man chuckles but tells Harry to go on. He takes a moment to shake his hair to get rid of the twigs and random pieces of grass and leaves. “This is important to me, I just want us on top of the hood of the car and whatever placement you feel looks best, just go with it. Okay?” 

“Sounds good, sir. But I have to ask, why is it important for you guys to be on the hood of a Maserati?” 

“The action has some significance in our family.” 

Harry looks over to Louis and they share a wink.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr post](http://louiesunshine.tumblr.com/post/182284455953/i-just-wanna-get-back-to-us-by-louiesunshine)


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